


Overthinker: original draft of PBTF

by sepulcherbat (0ddg0d)



Series: Overthinker [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Drama, F/M, Friendship, I is you, I'm Bad At Tagging, Love, Marauders, Movie References, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Pre-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Ravenclaw Reader, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Students, Work In Progress, adding more tags, changes might happen, im a bad writer gods help you and me, im an english major too lol, literature references, music references, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:36:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24447448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0ddg0d/pseuds/sepulcherbat
Summary: Please read my story Pride Before the Fall!That is the current version of Overthinker!Thank you 💕
Relationships: Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Reader, Severus Snape/You
Series: Overthinker [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771321
Comments: 69
Kudos: 76





	1. First year: New friendships and new beginnings (To look forward)

**Author's Note:**

> I am making an honest attempt, so I would appreciate what you guys think though I know it's pretty bad, haha. c':
> 
> It is a big help that if any of you see Sage instead of (Y/N) anywhere, please let me know! I have an extension for when I read other fics to replace it with the name of my choice, thank you!
> 
> Also, I'd like to note that I'll be pulling lines from the movies for any of the professors just disclaiming that it is not mine whatsoever. Please don't hurt me.

"Do not forget that you are among the most exceptional wizarding families known. Most- if not all, students will be beneath you. Unworthy to be in your presence, unworthy to breathe the same air as you, let alone be in the same room as you, and most undoubtedly unworthy of attending that school. They do not deserve to learn our knowledge and secrets; this right should persist for those of pure-blood."

  
"(Y/N)-" I could faintly hear a series of tapping, what is that sound? However, my thoughts wouldn't allow me to focus on whatever was making the noise, shifting back to the 'advice' and reminders from the family. 

  
"- remember that blood is everything." 

  
At this point, the tapping intensified, turning into a louder but controlled sequence of thumping. I realized it came from the compartment door.  
My attention shifted towards the modulated female voice, breaking the silence as the tapping and thumping ceased, "excuse me? Sorry to bother you." 

  
Said speaker, assumingly it is the same person, now stood in the compartment's threshold, revealing a girl the same age as me. She had bright, alabaster skin that compliments her gorgeous, dark red hair that looked like tresses of fire, which ended just a few inches past her shoulder. I think the most captivating thing about her without a doubt had to be her eyes; they were a mesmerizing yet distinctive shade of green.

  
"Is it okay if we sit with you? The other compartments seem to be full, or just full of annoying toerags." She asked kindly with a smile, but in the end, it was clear her tone full of pent up frustration. We haven't even gotten to the school, and already it seems that she can't stand someone or a group. 

  
Staring at her with a tilted head, clearly expressing my confusion. "We?" I questioned. The girl giggled at my puzzlement before taking a sidestep to reveal her friend that waited silently in the hall; it was a boy that was the same age as us. His hair is as black as charcoal; it stopped at the base of his neck, where the ends of each strand would curl up. Glancing down towards his eyes despite the fact they looked sullen, the hue of them reminded me very much of a starless midnight sky. And his skin; it is pale, but had a pallid look to it, was it natural or perhaps he didn't get enough sun or maybe its due to a lack of nourishment? 

  
Taking a quick moment to myself, I silently sat, letting their presence sink in though it brief when the boy began to speak. "Come on, let's just try and find a compartment for ourselves. It's clear she doesn't want us to sit with her, and it's not like we need anyone else." His tone was a bit tight, and his expression was hard; it is evident at this point he didn't like my presence already, or maybe it was more so he wanted to be alone with her?

  
"No, it's fine. Please, sit." I gestured towards the green plaid seat across from me. The fire-haired girl gave a wide smile as she dragged the less than willing boy inside, shutting the compartment door after they both entered. 

  
She situated herself directly across from me while it seemed that he wanted to be as far as possible from me, positioning himself close to the door.   
"Thank you. I appreciate you letting us join you." She continued that bright smile with a notable twinkle in her eyes. "My name is Lily Evans." She introduced with an extended hand that I stared at for a moment before extending my hand to clasp our hands in a friendly handshake. "And the brooding bookworm in the corner next to me is my best friend, Severus Snape," Lily explained. The raven-haired boy silently read to himself, ignoring both of us. His book caught my eye though it was a pretty worn-down potions book; I decided not to say anything about it.

  
"Ah... well, my name is (Y/N) Black. A pleasure to make your acquaintance. Are you looking forward to the year?" I hope it wasn't apparent that I was trying to make unnecessary small talk though I doubt it since Lily seemed like a talkative, friendly girl. I didn't have friends despite coming from a well-known family. I doubt I could consider any of the people I've met during family events as a friend, especially since most of them are above my age. So this was the perfect opportunity for me to make a friend that way, I'll at least know someone before we get sorted into houses. 

  
Our girl talk went smoothly, although Severus didn't talk at all except for a few acknowledging 'hm' and grunts. I didn't mind since I also doubt he was much of a talker to begin with anyway. At least I got to know more about Lily and the particular nature of her friendship with Severus. They are both from a dreary town called Cokeworth, and it didn't seem like the best of places. Lily didn't know she was a witch; it was Severus who noticed it and called her one, which is humorous since she took as an insult until he explained what he meant. Severus taught her about the wizarding world filling Lily with glee. But since Lily didn't know about the magic world, she must be a muggle-born then, and if they are childhood friends, then perhaps Severus was a half-blood? I wouldn't want to pry into that since what does blood matter? All I've learned since my early childhood that blood is everything; purebloods are superior compared to muggles and half-bloods. Knowing my family, if they were in my shoes, their attitudes would make a complete 180 and be unnecessarily cruel just because of someone's blood status. It's not like they could have controlled it either way...

  
"You both should change into your robes; we're going to be arriving soon," I advised my two companions as I checked out their attire. Lily wore a knee-length, navy blue dress with tiny flower patterns in multiple colors and a pair of white sneakers with light scuff marks on it. In comparison, Severus wore a black blazer that might have been a size or two too big with a pale blue and white striped shirt that seemed to have been missing a button. His shirt tucked into faded navy trousers that ended up to his ankles, covered by a black pair of socks, and his worn-down black shoes that had seen better years. Looking at the boy's clothes made me feel bad since its clear that he came from a poor household, but who am I do judge? Between my two newfound friends, I hope they consider me a friend, I was better off. 

  
I idly watch the shift of them taking turns, leaving the compartment to change into their black robes. Eventually, from King's Cross Station Platform 9¾ to Hogsmeade station, nine hours straight on the train, we made it about 8 p.m. "Finally, we're getting off the train! I need to get out of here already." Lily exclaimed, ready to get to Hogwarts. We gathered everything we brought in the compartment and made our way off the train with the other dozens of students, all of the older students seem to know where to go already.

  
In contrast, a handful of first-years seem confused until a rough yet boisterous voice broke out, "All firs'-year students follow me!" The voice came from an incredibly tall, stocky man with an abundance of hair from his long locks to his beard that blended into a course curtain. He stood in the middle of the platform. "I am Rubeus Hagrid, games keeper, as well as yer guide to Hogwarts," Rubeus explained, making sure that there were no first-year stragglers. "We'll be takin' the boat across the lake, so if ye follow me, we'll be in, in no time." He nodded as he began guiding us down a different path from the upperclassmen, leading us to the Black Lake, where boats were waiting for us. Hagrid helped students get situated in each ship, limiting four students per boat.

Lily, Severus, a random first year, and I gathered together in a vessel, Lily and I sat in the front. At the same time, the other two sat behind us in complete silence. The lake was quite foggy though each vessel had a lantern at the very tip, lighting the way. Lily was just looking in wonderment, and I could just feel her excitement rolling off of her, but I thought it was pretty nice to see her so happy, causing me to give a small smile. A brief moment, my focus was set on the lake, letting my fingers grace across the surface of the cold water. Retreating my hand from the icy dark waters, I glanced up at the old castle and the majesty as well as the magic it held. A breath I didn't know I kept escaped me as I took in the prestigious school's image. I can feel my excitement yet nervousness about starting my first year. Nothing I can do, but try to be hopeful and optimistic about the year and the years to come after it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, sorry that this is already bad. Please don't hurt me or my fragile feelings.  
> sdfgjhyujj *hides*


	2. First year: Sorting Hat | Divided Houses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation from the last chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've stated in the last chapter, do note that some of the lines from the professors I might borrow for the movie (I don't have my copies of HP. This time, please do not murder me. Thank you.) None of which belongs to me, it belongs to the respective writers.  
> I am just an idiot trying to write despite being an English major that is incapable. 
> 
> I appreciate all of you who gave this a chance and decided to read this so thank you. ♡
> 
> Lemme know what you guys think. ><  
> I also hope you'll enjoy my mood boards.

Eventually, after a substantial amount of time, the boats passed under the school, reaching a sort of cavern that had a dock along with a boathouse.

Hagrid was the first person to step onto the dock, his boat shifted on its own, pushing passed the dark, icy waters of the Black Lake. It was thus allowing a line of student filled vessels to take its place by the dock before they followed Hagrid's boat, to step off. 

"Up ye go now," Hagrid smiled as he helped Lily and me off our boat then proceed to assist the other two though Severus scowled and got off himself while our other companion gratefully accepted the Game Keeper's help. 

I'm quite sure that the poor student was scared of the grumpy, dark-haired boy as I watched them scurry away. Once everyone had assistance getting off the boats, Hagrid then led us towards a stone entryway illuminated by low hanging lanterns.

"Aigh' up these steps," Hagrid pointed to the white marble steps that came to view once we entered the open corridor, granted it was the only other way for us to go other than the way we came. "Ye'll be meetin' Professor McGonagall to help ye out. I'll be seein' ye around." Hagrid gave a hearty laugh as he left the way we came.

Each of the first-years took the briefest amount of time to look amongst one another before they decided to make their way upwards. I chose to stick as closely as I could to my two companions. Lily was walking just a few paces ahead of me as she enthusiastically conversed with a first-year girl who had dirty blonde hair but didn't look memorable or distinctive enough for me to pay further attention. Albeit, it's not my business either way. Is that bad of me to say that? 

Instead, I focused my attention on my other companion, the more silent one, Severus, who was walking a few paces behind Lily and Dirty Blonde.

I glanced over at him as one of his hands gripped the end sleeve of his robes while looking down at his feet as he walked. 

Maybe this was an opportunity for us to talk and for me to know Severus on a more personal level as I knew Lily since the train. Gulping down my anxiety, I caught up with Severus and matched his pace, taking a glance at the ravenette to see if he'd noticed me. As soon as I looked over at him, we made immediate eye contact, which embarrassingly enough made me feel a bit flustered. As soon as I felt the heat of embarrassment, I turned my head away to break the connection though after clearing my throat, I decided to look back over to him only to see him staring at me but with a blank face and an arched brow. "Are you going to say something, or do you just plan to look at me every other minute like a madman?" His tone was full of annoyance. 

Well, there goes my chance at befriending the pale boy, which gave me a sunken feeling in the pit of my stomach and a sense of nausea stuck in my throat. When he didn't receive an answer, he scoffed and turned away, focusing on his walking in silence. 

"-Sorry. I- I just wanted to check in with you... You seem kind of tense? Are you nervous about our first year?" I asked quietly but loud enough that he should be able to hear me and what I said. Once more looking at the boy, I immediately noticed his eyes were hard and wholly focused on the ground and his shoes, and his jaw had clenched. 

For a moment, it seemed like he might respond until we had arrived at the very top of the stairs where we all stopped and gathered into a big collective as we saw a woman at the top of the stairs. 

So this must be Professor McGonagall that Hagrid was talking about; she was a slightly older woman, yet she still had an air of mature beauty. On her head, she had a dark green pointed hat resting at an angle with feathers sticking out of it, and you could see her red hair held in a tight updo. Despite being an older woman with her wrinkles, her light skin was quite beautiful, complimenting the rest of her features. Specifically her eyes, they were a particular shade of blue- a shade darker than sky blue? Perhaps it was more so a steely blue. Her black robes had a high collar with an ornate clasp at the center draped over her was a velvety emerald cloak to match her hat. Professor held a prim expression her lips pursing together, making them appear smaller than they are; it felt like she was already judging us; her hands clasped together resting in front of her person. 

"Welcome to Hogwarts. Now, in a few moments, you will pass through these doors," she explained while using a hand to gesture to the metal and glass door behind her. "And join your classmates, but before you can take your seats, you must be sorted into your houses. There are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Now, while you're here, your house will be like your family, your triumphant will earn you points. Any rule-breaking, and you will lose those points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup. The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily." McGonagall concludes once she made sure we all understood what she said, she turned and walked through the doors. 

I already knew all of this, but most importantly, I already knew what house I didn't want to get sorted into that being Slytherin. The Black family, traditionally, sorted into Slytherin, so being classified into anything else might expose how I don't agree with our family views. Just imagine how disappointed, how angry they would be, would they go as far as to label me a blood traitor? Be disowned? I can't be anything like them; they are cruel, ignorant, and significant superiority complexes. Blacks do not have values; they don't care about honor, honesty, or bravery; the only thing they seem to care about is "blood purity." Just what kind of legacy is this or lack thereof? At this moment, I can only hope I could get sorted into one of the other three houses, and I would take any one of the three.

All of these thoughts just started a dull pain at the center of my temple, causing me to put a hand on my forehead. Ugh. I already felt terrible, just shifting through the reality of how crap my family is, and this headache wouldn't make it any better, but luckily for me, the professor had just returned. "We're ready for you now. Follow me." She turned around, walking through the doors she just came from, with her first-year following her at her heels. 

After two shakes of a lamb's tail, we had walked into a large corridor that had to be the main hall of the castle we made way for the large, wooden double doors. As she continued her strides, the doors opened on their own to reveal the inside being an enormous hall with four long vertical tables that stretched from one end of the room to the other. There were so many students at all four tables that it's nervewracking. Dozens of candles floated above our heads, looking up I honestly noticed the ceiling how it reflected a cloudy, starry night and it was beautiful. "It's bewitched," I murmured to no one in particular as I continued to walk down the central line. At the very end, there was a long horizontal table, seating the headmaster and other Hogwarts staff. Professor McGonagall stopped us just before the steps in front of the headmaster, where a wooden stool stood in between us with an old leather pointed hat. 

"Now, before we begin, Professor Dumbledore would like to say a few words." The green-clad professor explained, giving the floor to the headmaster. The male professor rose from his ornate chair, "I have a few start-of-term notices I wish to announce. First-years, please note that all students are ban from entering the dark forest. Mr. Filch, the school caretaker, has asked me to remind students that the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. Thank you." Dumbledore concludes then proceeds to sit down once more. 

"Now, when I call your name, you will come forth I shall place the Sorting Hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your house," McGonagall explains as she unravels her scroll. Everyone within the great hall is full of anticipation, wondering what newcomer will be joining the house family. 

"Peter Pettigrew," the professor called out, looking at the group of first-years. A husky boy with reddish-brown hair and ratlike features hesitantly walks forward towards the stool. Once he finally sat on the seat, the hat perched on his head, it wasn't long before it shouted out, "Gryffindor!" 

The inhabitants of one of the four tables erupted in cheers as Peter made his way towards the table while McGonagall continued with the list, "Mulciber." A dark-haired boy with a smug look on his face approached the stool and had sat down as Ratface had done. 

Is it wrong of me to call him Ratface? The answer was more than likely yes since it is rude, but he does have ratlike features. I would have the mindset of a 6-year-old if I were honest with myself.

"Slytherin!" 

Salazar's house pulled me out of my inner thoughts as they had erupted into cheers of their own this time, welcoming a new student to the family. 

The list had gone on from names like Avery (Slytherin), James Potter (Gryffindor), Remus Lupin (Gryffindor), etc. I zoned out mentally checking out of the ceremony as it was meh, considering I only knew a few people. When I reconnected with the situation, McGonagall called Lily's name, who sat on the stool with a slightly distressed look on her. 

"Gryffindor!"

I cast a glance at her seeing her wide smile as she approached her house table. She turned over and gave a small wave with her charming smile before turning back to whatever conversation she might have struck up once she sat down. Thinking about it now, what about Snape? The boy in question was clenching his fists at his side with a neutral expression, making me frown. However, it doesn't last long as the professor announced his name, causing him to go forth. It was hardly a moment when the hat sat on his head that it shouted the dreaded name.

"Slytherin!"

Severus wordlessly made his way to his cheering house; he sat down, not speaking, only looking longingly at Lily. As I witnessed this blue sight, my heart clenched, but the concern I had would have to wait until later as I heard a very familiar name. 

"Sirius Black."

My cousin, I rolled my eyes since he's kind of when I say sort of I mean he is a git—a real pain in the arse. He isn't exactly the most well-liked member in the family though I doubt he could care less. I watched as he sauntered his way up to the stool invoking another eye-roll from me since he's just doing it to be a dramatic prat, if anything. Once he finally sat in the seat, it took a moment since the hat seemed to be deliberating where to put my cousin. 

"Gryffindor!"

Sirius looked over the moon bonkers but justly so since he got what he wanted. He practically ran his way to the lion house table, sitting with Potter, Lupin, and Ratface. I mean, Pettigrew. At this rate, he'll just be Ratface. 

"(Y/N) Black" 

Fluttering my lashes as I blinked away my internal thinking, it took me a moment to register the name that the professor broadcasted was mine.

Now it's my turn for the nervous anticipation of what house I'll place. Just not Slytherin, please Stars. My body was full of apprehension as I took small, steady steps to the stool as if I am trying to prolong an inevitable and necessary situation. It was hard to swallow when I felt the hat on my white locks, and it just felt like it petrified me. "My, my another Black in our midst. Hmm... What to do with you," the hat mused. "Could certainly fair well like your family in Slytherin. With them, you could achieve everything you've ever wanted and more. You have the ambition, something in you wanting to be free," continuing with its evaluation. 

I stood by what I feel. I do not want to be in Slytherin. I am not trying to shamelessly hate Slytherin for being in Slytherin though several things have been less than honorable in their house. Growing up with such a purist family, you just want to run away from it, especially when granted the perfect opportunity you have to take it, you cannot let it slip by. This decision is to liberate me from such constricting, arrogant expectations and to live my life by my own choices and judgments. Sirius must feel the same way, I'm sure. 

"Hm... fine, perhaps you'll find yourself in..."

"RAVENCLAW!" 

By Merlin, my heart is wildly palpitating, but I'm ecstatic with the hat's decision; thank you, Sorting Hat. 

I skipped my way towards the cheering birdhouse with flushed cheeks as I passed, cheering family to find a seat in any available space. As the sorting ceremony had concluded with me, Dumbledore clapped his hands and said, "Let us feast." 

Foods of all kinds had appeared on the table, and everything looked and smelled heavenly, by the stars. Thoroughly looking through the various options for a moment, I just started plating foods I usually would eat or favored. While we ate, I would jump in conversations here and there though most of the communications were welcoming pleasantries and just questions regarding our thoughts and what we expect, yadda yadda. Though it is more than likely to be polite, it was still gratifying since everyone is delightful, engaging, and just friendly overall. 

Occasionally, I stole glances at my friends; Lily was laughing and having a wonderful time, then there is Severus, who looks disinterested? I don't know how to explain how he is feeling other than the obvious; he isn't happy. It'll be better tomorrow, sensing that someone was looking at him he looked up and met my gaze. My cheeks immediately become flush, having those dark orbs stare directly back at my own (e/c) eyes. Maybe it's just the fact that I don't make eye contact with people, but that doesn't matter at the moment as I gave the gloomy boy a small smile.

The Slytherin boy stared at me with a brow raised before shaking his head and idly pushing his food about on his plate while occasionally looking at the dark red-haired girl. A sigh escapes me, and I shake my head since it seemed that only one thing or one person was on his mind. 

Lily Evans.

Soon enough dinner concluded, prefects stood out in the main corridor calling first-year students of their respective house to follow them to their house common rooms and dormitories. My house's prefect led us to the west side of the castle towards Ravenclaw Tower. 

We stopped in front of a grand blue door with an arched top and a bronze eagle-shaped knocker that our prefect knocks on before taking a step back. First-year Ravenclaws with rather stumped expressions written across their foreheads looked at our prefect, wondering what was supposed to happen until the corner of my eye caught a glint from the knocker seeing that it was now animated. 

It's head tilted as it looked at us before taking a moment to speak, "a woman shoots her husband then she holds him underwater for over five minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But five minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

My brows furrow at the perplexity at opening our common room, we had to answer riddles? If we get it wrong, we'd have to wait for someone else to get it. I frowned. 

She shot him. 

She held him underwater. 

Then hung him.

If she did all of that then can enjoy a dinner with him, it means that she didn't harm him at all. Hm. 

Photo.

"She's a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed the photo then hung it to dry." 

Nothing happened; the knocker said nothing; it stopped moving. 

Was I wrong?

A frown was working its way on my face until I noticed that the bronze eagle wasn't bronze anymore. Instead, the formerly copper bird had suddenly turned into a crystal, revealing to us the room it hid. 

Merlin!

I thought I got it wrong. I let out a stifled laugh, feeling relieved that my answer was correct. Despite being given a tour of our common room plus the dorms, my exhaustion from such a long, eventful day just had me beat because everything felt like a blur. I'll have to enjoy the beauty and intricate details of Ravenclaw Tower another time. At most, I remembered changing into a white frilled [nightgown](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/756041856178362362/) and just collapsing in bed with fatigue. 

Its been such a long day, and tomorrow will probably be longer with the first day. Ugh.

A conscious, responsible me will have to worry about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, nothing interesting happened. I'm sorry. (つ﹏<)･ﾟ｡  
> Hopefully, we'll get somewhere, you know, eventually. :)  
> Also, please note that if I take time to update I actually handwrite everything then transfer it on my computer for editing. Ah the complexity.


	3. First year: First day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your first day of classes, it'll be an easy day, right? Well, kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some original characters that I've added so far, being the parents and the Ravenclaw prefect. Also hope you guys don't mind having white hair, if not, you can pretend its something else. :) I forgot to say that, lol.  
> I sort of wrote a bit so sorry if this chapter is lengthy-ish/too detailed oriented. Other than that enjoy. ♡ ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎

The air, gods. The oxygen in the room was suffocatingly dry as if you weren't meant to breathe. There was a peculiar smell that burned its way into my nasal passage. I had barely caught it at the time, but now the scent just consumed the whole room. 

It has a familiar smell. I was breathing heavily through my mouth, huffing before I inhaled as much as I could despite the flaring pain in my nose as I tried to identify the aroma.

It was sweet.  
A sickening sweetness to it that it made me feel nauseous.

There was also a hint of metallic.  
Like copper? Maybe it was iron?

This also caused my head to spin.

Oh, stars. It's all so overwhelming.

  
I feel so...

Weak.

  
My legs wobbled, signifying they were about to give out on me any second though it didn't take long for me to fall forward, hitting my shin on the way down. Luckily for me, I managed to catch myself on a sturdy surface, straining the muscles in my arms as I pushed myself up.

  
My lashes fluttered as I blinked, trying to check my surroundings, but I winced back, squinting my eyes as though the room was too bright.   
Taking just a moment, I leaned myself forward for further support before lifting my head, catching my reflection. 

By Merlin's beard.

I look terrible. That's the honest, most straightforward truth. I'm sure crap even looked better than me. 

  
My white hair that was usually well maintained was in a disheveled, tangled mess. Peering closer to the mirror, I can see that my (e/c) eyes looked dull, almost lifeless. Not to mention they were also puffy and red with prominent dark circles. 

Timed stilled as I looked endlessly into my reflection as if I were trying to have a staring contest. It felt that I was attempting to identify myself as if I were a stranger.

My brows knit together as I frowned. I hesitantly brought a hand to my face letting my fingertips brush against my nostril. As soon as the pads of my fingers brushed against my nose, I could feel the wetness that was sort of oily yet sticky at the same time. 

"Blood." 

I stared at the smeared crimson fluid, realizing what the aroma was now. My knuckles turned white as I tightened my grip on the counter as I tried to stable myself. Glancing in the mirror, my focus was set on the door behind me. The door was left ajar, allowing light from the other room to seep inside. Launching myself off the counter, I leaned myself closer to the wall for support as I slowly made my way for the exit. After crossing the threshold, my eyes adjusted to the shift of lighting with the door closing behind me; it took me a moment to realize that I was now at home. Not my home in Hogwarts. No. It was the Black family home. 

This particular room had always given me a slight chill despite it being my bedroom. I often found it hard to find comfort in the darkness of the room. Perhaps the most distinctive part of my bedroom had to be the vintage wallpaper. The base color was a sort of murky greyish brown that often seems like a worn-down black with a floral pattern. Roses, that's what the flower was. They have spaciously spread apart from the fully blooming petals to the budding flowers and just pieces of the leaves. Even the flowers had a dark muted tone; the petals were dark, dusty rose pink, and the leaves were a deep greyish green. All of the colors within the room were dark or muted as if life didn't exist, only a dim imitation. 

However, that wasn't the unusual thing, though. In the center of the wallpaper, there was a significant design of a curled skeleton serpent that wove its way around the flowers. I couldn't tell what type of snake it might have been. An anaconda? Perhaps it was a python. The only thing I knew was when it was alive; it was big. 

I know that it's silly, but there was always something I couldn't place about the skeletal art. Being around it had consistently made a chill run up my spine and left a sense of dread lingering over my shoulder. 

Next thing I knew, I found myself standing directly in front of the serpent with an extended hand just reaching out for it. My fingertips were brushing against the rough fibers tracing the upper half of the snake. Unbeknownst to me, the reptilian framework began its subtle movements that I would not notice until it was too late. 

There was a vibrating, and rasping hissing that I registered came from the reanimation of the bare-bones. I turned to face meet its gaze directly staring into where its eyes would be, (e/c) orbs meeting a dark emptiness.  
My body wouldn't move. I was frozen. I was petrified.

The only thing I managed to do was let out a bloodcurdling scream as it struck its bony fangs at my face.

"Hey, wake up."

"WAKE UP!" 

My body shot up drenched with sweat and labored breathing as I tried to process what had happened. 

"Hey... are you okay?" The low once disembodied voice asked with concern laced in her tone. I blinked a couple of times as I turned to see a tired roommate kind of scared shitless, and I wouldn't blame her when you suddenly wake to a scream that sounded like bloody murder. Breathless, I nodded as I felt my heart excessively palpating, my throat felt raw and burned with slight pain. 

  
The nameless roommate lingered at the foot of my bed for a few moments before slowly nodding back. "Alright... if you're sure. I'm going to try and go back to bed."

Once I heard her footsteps retreat, I sighed, rubbing my eyes, noticing my eyes were puffy, and my cheeks were tearstained. My dream didn't make that much sense to me, and I doubt if I told anyone they would know if they don't give me a look that screams, 'really? That was your dream? That's nothing. I wouldn't worry about it.' They'd probably just laugh it off. (e/c) orbs darted around trying to recognize my surroundings since last night after getting pass the entryway; everything just became a big blur.

One of the first things I noticed was a lavender colored curtain that encompassed the whole perimeter of my bedding station. It was formed in the shape of, assumingly, a perfect square. 

I made a mental checklist of everything I saw:  
A bed with crisp white sheets (obviously).  
A wooden cupboard that had an elegant yet straightforward design.  
A matching wooden desk and chair plain in contrast to the cupboard.  
Lastly, a vintage, navy blue student trunk at the foot of my bed.

"What time is it?" I murmured to myself, searching for my wristwatch, finding it tangled in the sheets. "6:02."

It's still early for breakfast; the great hall wouldn't be open for another 28 minutes.

Forcing myself out of bed, I fixed my bed then rummaged through my belongings for my robes and a brush. A plain white button-up shirt with a grey v-neck jumper over it and my Ravenclaw tie followed by a grey blazer. Next was a black pleated skirt accompanied by a pair of knee-length grey socks covered by a pair of black round-toed mary janes. Lastly, the pièce de résistance my Ravenclaw robes.

Once I felt presentable, I pulled the curtains closest to the end of my bed, where a large dark wooden shelf greeted me. It was divided into panel sections to match each student's bedding areas. While walking by, I could visibly see that the girls' room divided into four quadrants. The center of the room is an open circular space with four separate indigo lounge couches that surrounded a golden table with a tall, ornate gold clock. The clock had such intricate details that it must have taken months, if not a year to produce. "That'll be useful."

I circled the dorm once more, seeing three large stain glass windows of geometrical designs keeping with the cool tones of the house's theme. The ceiling was bewitched just like the great hall with puffy clouds and adornment of multiple gleaming stars. It was nothing short of beautiful. 

As I was about to make my way out, I heard tapping and rapping coming from the window, my head tilted as I inched closer. However, as soon as the window was open, the sound ceased, and there was nothing out there. A black mass quickly dove in just before the window was closed, my pulsed race as I looked for the darkness that made its way in, but once I found it, I felt at ease knowing it was a familiar sight.

"Eros." 

Eros is my pet bat that I opted for instead of an owl. He is special to me, I've had him since he was a pup, so we have a deep connection. The sight of him makes me grin ear to ear, at least until I saw what he was carrying.   
I felt myself go pale, and my blood cold. 

A letter.

Except it wasn't just any letter. I knew the wax seal that enclosed the envelope too well.

The Black family crest.

It took me a moment to receive the mail, unsure of whether or not I want or should read the message. Eros perched on my shoulder, squeaking softly as he burrowed himself in my hair, earning a soft smile which he knew I needed.

"Thank you, Eros." 

His squeaks continued as I gently brushed my fingertips against his head. If you've never heard a bat before, let me tell you they sound precious. "You should try and get some rest now since it'll be bright out," advising the winged mammal who detangled himself from my locks flying towards my bedding space. 

  
"I know whatever is in this letter; it won't be worth reading when my day has barely started." I shook my head as I slipped the post in my robe pocket.   
This is the perfect opportunity to clear my head and kill time before breakfast by exploring the Ravenclaw Tower. 

After exiting the girls' dormitory, I walked down the corridor, meeting a marble statue of our house matron, Rowena Ravenclaw. The sculpture stationed in the center of the hall, another passage was on the opposite end. Based on where I'm standing, I could safely assume that the boys' dormitory was on that side. Turning on my heels towards the direction Ravenclaw overlooked, I saw marble steps that led upward, knowing it would lead me to the common room.

Low and behold at the top of the steps was our common room, which is breathtaking. The center housed our crystal farm with surrounding counters forming a circle so Ravenclaws can harvest and study them. Behind this is the grand crystal fireplace with an eagle of the same material on the mantle while it's ablaze the bird appears to be in flight.

  
A dark wood long table was in front of the fireplace with an assortment of vintage chairs, couches, and cushions for student enjoyment. This area was just on the opposite end of the bronze eagle knocker. 

The common room had an abundance of natural lighting thanks to the copious amount of windows and the high ceiling. The glass still upheld the geometrical design though the most rounded shape it forms are stars. It is always keeping the cool color scheme, of course. 

  
Thanks to the high ceilings, another fantastic feature is the glass terrariums of different sizes to accommodate individual or group usage. The height at which they float is adjustable to fit whatever the users wish.

Stacks of various books from alchemy, charms, DADA could be found on tables, shelves, chairs, or on the floor in a reading area. Our chairs are all vintage and often student-collected, adding onto the history and legacy of Ravenclaw.

Weaving around the room was the crystal staircase. It's charmed to float on its own, and it can turn into a slide either for fun or protection. At the very top is the grand mediation space; if the lower half of the tower isn't peaceful enough for you, this would be the best place to go. And yes, there are more windows; by the floor are rectangular window panels and above it are the more decorative geometrical stain glass panels. On the ground, there are various crystals of color and size rooted in place, but the center of the room is home to a sizeable glowing gem. Directly above is the magnum opus of Ravenclaw Tower, the grand crystal chandelier that is slowly and quietly spinning. The fixture balances all the energies within the room, perhaps even the whole tower. Floating above little glass terrariums were nesting any birds, including student owls.

Merlin. This place just takes away my breath; the image of this place could never get old. I mean, how could it?

Ravenclaw prefect, Priya Hughes mentioned the tower acts as a lighthouse for us Ravenclaws. However, its unfortunate other students could never witness the ethereal beauty it radiates from the outside. To those students, it looks like another standard Hogwarts tower.

As an acting lighthouse, Ravenclaw students can see outside, soaring in circles around the top of the tower, the house animal, the eagle. Magic seems to seep, and spiral from the tip of the tower is ribboning to the bottom, I believe if we were ever to lose our way, we could look to this to bring us back. 

A smile etched its way across my lips and brought warmth to my heart.

I'm happy to have found a home here.

  
I glanced at my [wristwatch](https://www.etsy.com/listing/681349803/vintage-ladys-diamond-hamilton?ref=user_profile&frs=1), wondering whether or not the great hall is open now. "6:37."

  
If I'm lucky, I could potentially catch Lily or Severus during breakfast. Before leaving, I made sure I grabbed my [grey, leather bag](https://www.etsy.com/listing/795792028/personalized-leather-briefcase?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=backpack&ref=sc_gallery-5-8&plkey=9843f7b10d12d5edffb7b4621529500b755b5c09%3A795792028&pro=1&frs=1&col=1) with all my essentials. Considering its Monday, based on my schedule, I have DADA with Hufflepuff, history of magic with Slytherin, charms, and transfiguration with Gryffindor, and lastly, astronomy with Slytherin.

  
I'll have classes with Lily and Severus twice today. This isn't too bad.   
Before I knew it, I had arrived at the hall, taking note that there isn't a lot of students. Maybe a dozen or two dozen students, but it was still relatively empty. I suppose the others plan to get as much sleep as they can. Well, I guess it's not too bad since I can enjoy a quiet meal. I seated myself in the back of the Ravenclaw table, examining my options. For breakfast, I ended up deciding on some bacon and hashbrowns with a cup of coffee. 

Stars. The house-elves can cook, I appreciate the hard work they do. Thank you!

As I ate in silence, I skimmed the room, hoping to see either the silent Slytherin boy or the fire-haired Gryffindor girl. My head perks up as I see the former, sitting by himself with an open book. Of course. I shook my head with a scoff. "Such a bookworm." I smiled to myself. I finished whatever remained of my meal before making my way towards Snape, sitting across from him. "Hello, Severus." I smiled though his focus was set on the book. 

Surprise, surprise, no response. 

My lips pursed as I rolled my eyes. "You know that ignoring me isn't going to do anything, right? If anything, I think it's just more so a reason to get you to speak to me." I smirked as I picked up an unused fork, twirling it around. He heaves a deep sigh, snaps his book shut, and gets up before stalking out of the hall. My face fell, dropping the fork and scurrying after the boy, "Severus, wait up!"

Severus continued his long, swift strides until I grasped the end of his robes' sleeve, halting any further movement. For a moment, time felt motionless until the Slytherin immediately turned around with a furious look. "What?! What could you possibly want from me?" 

Hearing the normally quiet boy yell and look so angry, it causes me to tremble involuntarily. I couldn't tear my (e/c) orbs from his narrowed black eyes, and it felt like his stare was piercing me, wordlessly trying to burn me down. 

"I-I just...," I stammered, nervously licking my lips with a hard swallow. 

"You just what?" Snape spat bitterly. 

The fabric of his garb slipped out of my grasp with my hand following back to my side. "I just wanted us to talk like ordinary people, and maybe be friends even... especially since you and Lily are friends and I'm friends with her. So... I thought, why shouldn't we be friends?"

He scoffed. "Why would I want to be friends with you? Did James and your fellow Black put you up to this? To try and torment me some more? You might have fooled Lily, but you won't have me." He mocked venomously before leaving me, standing there troubled by his words.

I was mulling over his words, looking and going wherever my feet decided to direct me. Soon enough, I found myself in the courtyard by a substantial sized tree rooted in the middle. I can't help but hang onto everything he said. Still, I knew I couldn't confront him about it since I doubt this time he'll acknowledge me after that, so my best bet is to ask Lily in class.

This day couldn't get any worse.

Sighing heavily, I tossed my bag against the base of the tree after taking out one of my books, DADA, to be specific. Then I grabbed my way to the top of the tree to rest for whatever time I had left till class.

So far, the class was easy enough; in DADA with Hufflepuff, we started with something easy yet beneficial, Expelliarmus. The disarming spell, its perhaps at the heart of one of the best dueling techniques. Wizard historians believe that Merlin himself had invented the incantation. In contrast, others thought it popularized after use in Madagascar during the 11th century.

We simply practiced with a partner of the opposing house, disarming one another. We'll have to memorize how to tell if the spell was correctly used and what notable effects it may have other than the apparent disarmament. 

  
History of magic was a piece of cake though I shared it with Slytherin and sort of dull. I made sure I sat as far as possible from Severus though he sat in the very back, making it easy enough to avoid him. We learned about gargoyles, what they are, why they are essential in our world. For homework, we had to find at least five of the talking stone sculptures, converse with them, record our conversation, and have a few facts at hand. 

Finally, charms with Gryffindor! The moment I saw lily, I grabbed her and pulled her to an empty seat so that we'd sit next to one another. "(Y/N)! Jeez, didn't know you missed me that much already." She teased, sitting down beside me. "Of course, what would I do without you, my lovely flower? I could not go on living if you weren't in my life." I dramatically flung an arm to my forehead while leaning back into the redhead. She laughed and rolled her eyes, "whatever you say, Romeo."

  
Settling back into my seat, I turned to her with a grim expression, "Lily, I wanna talk to you about something." 

  
Professor Flitwick's timing couldn't have been worse as he began class just before Lily could respond. Luckily, I have the next lesson with her, so I still had time to ask her what was bothering me about her brooding friend. Today's lesson was on the levitation charm. We learned the history of it then proceed with the practical portion. The spell can lift just about everything except for human beings. However, the object raised depends on the specific caster's skill and the object's weight. Swish and flick. Swish your wand to the right and flick our wands upward to lift the object then say, "Wingardium Leviosa!" Just about everyone struggled to pronounce the charm, 'Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa,' making the 'gar' nice and long. 

  
It was pretty easy though I had studied before I arrived at Hogwarts, and it just seems I have an aptitude for magic. My family believes I'm just a prodigy and enjoyed flaunting it at times. Lily eventually got it on her third try; she told me that Ollivander said her wand was right for this matter. I'm sure once she gets the underlying swing of things, she'll be a natural. Our homework is to write a short essay on three variations of levitation spells. 

As we left the Charms class en route to transfiguration, Lily spoke up, "so what was it you wanted to ask me?" I pursed my lips, thinking about how to ask her, but it was probably best to be forward with her. "I don't think Severus likes me at all," I confessed. Her brows knit together, "why do you say that?" 

"Well, this morning, during breakfast, I arrived early and saw him and decided to go over and sit with him and strike up a conversation. He ignores me, so I tried to continue, but he abruptly leaves, so I follow him and stop him. However, it didn't go so well." I frowned, recalling the events outside the great hall. 

"What happened?"

"He yells at me, asking what I wanted, which I told him I wanted to have a conversation with him like an ordinary person. You're friends with him, and I'm friends with you, so I thought, why can't the two of us be friends. Then he mocks me, saying, why would he want to be friends with me. What was interesting though was he mentioned that Gryffindor, Potter, and my cousin Sirius—accusing me of being in league with them to 'torment' him? Is there some sort of animosity between them? Not to mention, he believes that I've 'fooled' you with this friendship. I just want to understand, Lily." I explained the entirety of the situation with pleading eyes.

Lily sighs and closes her eyes for a moment, looking as if she is trying to collect her thoughts. "Do you remember when I asked if we can sit next to you, and I mentioned something about some toerags? I was talking about those two. Ever since we crossed them on the train, they've been bullying him. Since you're related to one of them, he just feels so suspicious. I'm sorry (Y/N). Please don't take it personally. He's very cautious and guarded. I want you two to get along. Maybe if I could get him to talk to you and explain things, he might slowly let you in." 

I gave a weak smile upon hearing her explanation. "I'm sorry to hear that, that's awful. Just I'm upset that because of my cousin's actions, it affects me. I appreciate you being so open with me and trying to help. Thank you, Lily. I also want to get along with him; I'm sure he just lets me in that he might come to tolerant me, and that'd be good enough for me until he wants my friendship." She slung her arm around my shoulder with a bright smile of her own. 

"Of course, anything for my new friend to get along with my best friend."

Soon enough, we got to transfiguration. This area of magic is more complicated than the rest. Even the most elementary of transfiguration requires a great deal of concentration. The tiniest mistake could develop into a total catastrophic yet dangerous result. Students mustn't skip this class considering its complexity, and one must have a complete and overall understanding of the foundation of this matter. We spent the course just going over history. Next class, Professor McGonagall will have us try to do some practical exercises that will have to turn a match into a needle. For now, we have to memorize the chapter and practice our mediation since we'll head straight into the matchmaker.

Lastly, Astronomy with Slytherin. For this, we are learning the science behind the connection we have with the earth and the cosmos. We have to follow movement patterns of the planets, stars, and the sun then try to make a connection to humans. Right now, we are learning the astrological symbols, their glyphs, and dates, as well as the planetary symbols. Memorizing that part was simple, but the only thing I found confusing was dealing with the chart that is until Xenophilius Lovegood had stepped in to clear up my confusion. Lovegood was quiet, unkempt, and just sort of strange, but he was kind nonetheless. I'll have to study up and practice the chart, ugh. Luckily for me, the professor stressed that the critical part, for now, is learning the symbols and their appropriate placement on the natural astrology chart.   
Before class had ended, I glanced over at Severus to see how he fared through no surprise to me; it seemed that he already knew everything. I sincerely hope that Lily could convince him to speak with me by the end of the week. 

After the class was over, I walked back to the Ravenclaw tower to work on my homework before it was dinner, hoping I could get an early night.   
Realizing how long of a week this will be, I sighed and propped a hand up under my chin as I silently wrote.

"I sincerely hope we'll be friends." 

By the time it was the call for curfew I was already changing, I suddenly remembered my letter from this morning, which I dug out of my robes.   
I am heaving a deep sigh before ripping the seal off. I skim the letter.

"To our Starlet,

We hope that you've assimilated into your new environment. Although we are disappointed to see you were not sorted into Slytherin, Ravenclaw is... an acceptable alternative. Unlike your embarrassing cousin, Sirius. We trust that you will make us proud and not tarnish the family name. Remember that in comparison to the lot of those students, you are superior in power and status.

Blood is everything. Blood is the Life.

Do not disappoint. 

Regards,  
Ophiuchus and Ara Black"

I hated it when they called me that. Starlet. Starling. As a little girl, I loved it. I found it as a term of endearment, especially since I was amongst the Blacks that were not named after a constellation as our family was synonymously known for it. They only called me that because they expect great things from me, believing I am a prodigy, and perhaps I will rise to be one of the best Blacks. 

I scoffed, glancing down at the letter once more, seeing that my parents were never concerned for me though the feeling has grown to be mutual. Understanding that the message means nothing, it's written without any sentiment, love, or care; I balled it up and threw it in the bottom of my truck. 

Ungracefully I fell back onto my bed with feelings of exhaustion. "If I'm lucky, hopefully, this week won't be a total disaster." I yawned before succumbing to Hypnos' lull. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think. ♡  
> Always ready to respond. I hope you've enjoyed it.  
> (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)ﾟ


	4. First year: Learning how to fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, you were going to meet with Severus and Lily by the Black Lake after breakfast to sort things out, but things don't go as they intended, but what's new? However, you might have taken a step closer to the Slytherin during flying. ♡°◌̊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!  
> ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु

The first week was a little overwhelming, trying to get into the swing of things other than that things are relatively straightforward, so things just went by. On one Thursday, Lily enthusiastically informed me that Severus agreed to speak with me alongside Lily as a mediator. I was pretty confident she harassed the Slytherin boy relentlessly after our conversation. Pretty sure that was the only way he'd be able to make her stop was to agree. I feel slightly guilty, but this might be the only way I could get him even to notice me. 

The plan is to meet after breakfast on Friday, so today, at this tree near the Black Lake. I'm glad that we'd get to sort things out before our flying lessons later today. However, as it gets closer and closer to breakfast, I grow increasingly nervous, I don't know what to expect.

I had woken up early just as breakfast began and dressed in my robes since we'll be learning how to fly with Madam Hooch at noon. It took me quite a bit, but I didn't realize my usually white hair suddenly shifted to a grey shade as I anxiously paced about my personal space. It had to be the dread and the extreme anxiety I was facing about our upcoming meeting. Right now, I wanted some coffee more than anything, but I know with how uneasy I felt it'd be best to avoid caffeine. 

"What could I possibly do?" I sighed softly.

There's still so much time before breakfast is over. With minimal options, I decided to spend time in the library, hoping to find something of interest there. I heard from other students that the librarian, Madam Pince, was a highly unpleasant woman who was strongly disliked by most, if not all, the student body. As soon as I entered the library, I noticed a dark wooden desk with a vulture-featured woman overlooking the library with a harsh expression. The only thing I could feel was her hard eyes burning holes in my head as I walked passed her. Trying to avoid her stare, I ventured off towards the furthest corner I could find while seeing for a book.

'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.' 

So far, this book caught my eye; it turned out to be an exciting read without a doubt. It talks about muggle awareness, how the creatures of our world exist without their knowledge, how creatures like centaurs want little to do with humans—definitely the perfect work for students passionate about magical creatures with the intent to be a magizoologist.

Feeling content with what I've learned, I got up and returned the book to its rightful place. I glanced down at my watch to see how much time I had left, which was still a lot. "7:36."  
Time was messing with me; it just had to be. Might as well try to find some books to take with me at this rate. I found myself skimming through the DADA, herbology, and potions sections trying to find reliable sources. In the end, I only found one DADA and potions while I found two for herbology. I hesitantly brought them to Madam Pince, looking as if she is ready to murder me. Once I successfully checked out my books without dying at the hands of the infamous librarian, I decided it was best to leave unless I wanted more death stares from the said librarian. 

What else can I do to kill time? 

Eventually, I found myself going to the Black Lake, where we agreed to meet, no one was there yet. "Yet again, I still have time to kill," I murmur as I took out my journal and setting my bag against the tree that I proceed to climb as a makeshift chair. With all this time it'll be good to make some notes and art, I'd draw an illustration of everything for my classes with corrections our books mistaken. When I have time and the appropriate materials, I'd like to color each of the examples to make an exact representation. I can't say how much time passed until I heard someone clear their throat, vying for my attention. As my gaze shifted from my journal towards where the voice came from, my (e/c) orbs met a familiar black pair. My breath hitched in my throat, and I felt so apprehensive and flustered. Slowly I began to notice how my hair was still grey from earlier, but the ends are pink? 

Severus' eyes narrowed as I could see they shifted their sight on my hair; his brow was arched. It was clear he was puzzled by my sudden change in hair color, but as a metamorphmagus, the color changes with my mood. I typically try to suppress the feeling for the most part, but recently it's been changing. I'm sure Severus will be able to figure out the change. 

"H-hello Severus," my voice faltered while my heart pounded. 

"Hello," he replied hesitantly just before sitting by the tree with an open book. Shutting my journal and pocketing my pen, I climbed down the tree and sat close to the bookworm. "em... Lily wasn't with you?" 

"Does it look like she's with me?" He replied in a deadpan manner. Of course, she wasn't with him when he arrived, but I thought I'd ask if he's encountered her on the way, but I suppose not. We sat in complete silence, the only sound coming from the turning pages and the quiet nature ambiance. My eyes trained themselves on the water in front of me, gently swaying. 

"Severus?" I called out softly to the boy next to me. 

With a sharp exhale, he replies, "yes?" 

I rest my head on my knees with my arms wrapped around them. "Is there any way we can be friends? Anything I can do to gain some trust? Please don't be mad at Lily, but I asked her some things." Severus sat there silently with his jaws clenched as he sat by me, listening. 

"She told me why you're so reserved, especially mentioning Potter and my cousin are bulling you after the encounter on the train right before we met. I'm sorry. I know that it means nothing from me, but you deserve an apology. The only thing I wanted you to know that just because I am related to Sirius doesn't mean I agree with his mistreatment towards you. I only want us to be friends so you, me, and lily can get along," I sighed as I told him what's on my mind. Knowing him, I didn't expect him to reply, and he didn't. Snape got up and left I could see how tense he was with his fists clenched. 

Just how is flying class going to be now?

Oh, stars. 

  
The dreaded moment came faster than I wanted. To put the cherry on top of this dessert, I stood across the boy I had confronted a few hours ago. We stood in two lines with the brooms on the ground, lying at our right side while facing students from opposing houses. Madam Hooch started with us summoning our brooms. Starting to the left with our right hand out while shouting 'up.' It jolted straight into my hand. I glanced around, wondering where everyone else was at this stage. So far, a handful of students successfully summoned theirs while the less than fortunate ones had looks of frustration painted across their faces. A cacophony of students shouting 'up' continued, straining my ears as they persisted. Brooms rolled and rattled against the ground while others halfway into student's hands.

Eventually, once everyone had gotten ahold of their brooms, we were to mount it with a tight grip and give a hard kick as we lean forward to hover for a moment. I won't lie and say it wasn't slightly terrifying, but it was quite refreshing after getting used to it. Once everyone had got the hang of things, we were to fly up higher and slip through a small obstacle of rings. Curious to know how well Severus was doing, I glanced over at him, he managed to hover on his own, but he was shaky and paler than usual. In his eyes, I could see how distressed he was and not to mention how he white-knuckled the handle. As other students took their turns at the obstacle, I silently made my way to the very end where the shaky boy stood alone. Despite our sort of awkward encounter at the lake, I decided to go for it and talk to him with the intent of helping him. 

"Listen... I know things between us haven't been the greatest, but I want to help you. I noticed how shaky you were and the terror in your eyes." His jaw clenched, and as I thought he'd deny my help, he gave a small nod. "Fine..." he murmured. 

My heart swelled as he accepted my help, turning my hair to soft pink as if it were blushing. "Remember to breathe. Make sure you're always breathing. It's the most important thing. Next, you want to clear your mind of whatever is bothering you. Focus on flying being free yet still in control- like if you were a bird," I said softly. Once he started that, I moved behind him and adjusted his posture, grip, and stance. 

"If you start to panic, you'll lose all that control, so if you feel it, just breathe. Just envision yourself flying, freely, gracefully, and in total control. I know you'll be fine, though." The ravenette nodded before taking a breath and relaxing, and it was way better than before. 

And just like that, Severus Snape flew successfully without any difficulties. Once we finished our obstacle course, Madam Hooch ended class at that. As I was about to make my way to Ravenclaw Tower, I felt a sudden grip on my robes' sleeve. Turning around to greet whoever tugged on my cloak, my (e/c) orbs had yet again met with the midnight black orbs from earlier today. "Severus," my breath hitched in my throat. 

Clearing his throat while taking a step back, he released my sleeve with a blank look. "Thank you for your help earlier... though I didn't need it." A small laugh escapes me as I could only smile at him. "I know, but I just wanted to help you anyway. Severus, I hope you'll think about it, I want to be friends, but I won't push you further. Have a good day, Snape." I gave him one last smile before we parted ways.

Was this a step towards a budding friendship?

At least that time he spoke to me out of his volition, that's enough for me now.

Just one step at a time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly making some progress with our brooding bookworm, right?  
> (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) I know its relatively short, sorry. ><


	5. First year: The Infirmary | Wristwatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has passed by and things are relatively well until an accident happens, landing you in the infirmary, but it might be a blessing in disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was short and this is about the same length, I decided to post another chapter. ><

Its been approximately a month since Severus and I last spoke. Lily kept poking and prodding about what has happened between the two of us. She thought if she didn't show up, we'd be able to talk honestly, and it didn't necessarily occur as she intended. "I don't think I should pressure him any further. It'll just take time at this point, Lils." I smiled softly. In response, Lily wrapped her arm around my shoulders, "we'll get there! For now, let's bask in all this girl time!" We broke out in a fit of laughter as we walked up towards the castle, we would spend time at the Black Lake with our feet soaking in the cold, dark waters. The year has been going relatively well, and I've enjoyed just about all of my classes. Albeit, the only negatives I might have is a history of magic, which isn't a fascinating subject matter to me, and I've also struggled with my astronomy chart at times. Defense against the dark arts is quite enjoyable and comfortable. Herbology and potions allow me to tap into some creative aspects by illustrating various plants, ingredients, and potions from our textbooks while correcting information. Professor Flitwick makes charms a delightful class. He's a great professor without a doubt and amongst the nicest. Speaking of the charms master, I've been considering joining the Dueling Club, which he oversees—seeing as the professor was a former dueling champion, who better to learn from? 

On another note, sometimes I can feel a pair of eyes on me, and anytime I'd look up, the feeling of being watched disappears. It's rather disturbing and puzzling. 

  
Lately, I've begun to notice Severus waiting by lone corridors, meeting with other Slytherins, primarily upperclassmen. He often met with a seventh-year student that I knew. Tall with pale skin, though, just about all of his features were pale as if it was supposed to exemplify purity. His hair was long ending at his shoulders, and it was a shade so blonde that it's borderline as white like my hair. Another distinctive feature of his was his stern grey eyes. There's no doubt that he is beautiful, but the feeling I get around him is creepy, even thinking about him weirds me out. The handsome yet disturbing upperclassman is Lucius Malfoy, who I only knew of because my cousin Narcissa will be marrying him this coming summer after graduation. I'm glad that it seems that Severus is making more friends, but they are very unsettling, and many of them have a lot of evil gossip around them. I just hope that Snape doesn't fall into whatever these Slytherins are up to...

  
Another Friday rolls around the corner where Ravenclaw and Slytherin share flying together. I've noticed since the last time we've spoken, Severus has been using my advice. He's flying like a natural as if he never had an issue, to begin with, seeing this warms my heart. We still haven't spoken though I'd cast some glances his direction, and sometimes when I'm not looking, I could feel something looking right back at me. However, anytime I would look up, the feeling vanishes, but inside of me, I silently hoped it was Severus. 

Why is that? 

  
Today we did some standard flying, both houses in the air with everyone flying at their own pace. Everything was fine until it wasn't. It was only 40 minutes into the class before two Slytherins flew near me while in a heated argument. As it was starting to look unamiable, I had begun to drift away from the duo. One of them knocked into me with a powerful force that knocked me off my broom, leaving me to fall towards the ground.  
I couldn't process anything after my broom was out of my grasp. The world around me slowed, yet I continued at such a fast pace. My vision started to darken, but before I lost total consciousness, I swore I saw a familiar face flying towards me.

Severus?

  
The pain was the first thing I felt when I started to regain consciousness. My lids felt so heavy, yet I continued to flutter my lashes, forcing my eyes to open. There were sharp courses of pain shooting at the back of my head, neck, and my left arm. "Ugh..." I groaned out as I tried to sit up in the bed, but felt my body pushed back down. "Oh no, you don't. Don't even think about getting up from that bed!" A woman scolded. Slowly turning my head, I see Madam Pomfrey, Hogwarts' matron and healer. "You took quite the fall, young lady. You're lucky that you only broke your left arm and received a minor scratch on your head. Though you'll feel some sharp pain at your head and potentially at your neck, I'll be keeping you in for the next few days till you recover." She concluded as she tucked me back into the bed. 

For the next few days, I'm involuntary to stay in bed in the infirmary. It's going to be a dull few days since I'll spend a lot of time alone beside the school healer or sleeping and reading. During my second day of being here, I realized that I had lost my wristwatch. Immediately I was filled with panic that only upset Madam Pomfrey. "Oh, I wouldn't worry so much! I am quite certain Madam Hooch, or a classmate had found it." She said casually, brushing off my concern. The only thing that made this bearable was Lily visiting me, filling me in on classes with a copy of her notes and whatever drama she heard. I appreciate Lily; she is thoughtful and, overall, a great friend. 

The next day when I woke up, I found a vial in my hand with a parchment around it. Unraveling the paper reveals a purple liquid, and the on the parchment written in beautiful, slanted penmanship was 'Drink.'   
I wearily eyed the glass container, spinning it in my hand to examine its contents. "What's the worst that could happen?" I murmur as I popped off the lid. It had a sweet aroma, but it wasn't too sweet, it was tame. Slowly I sat up, propping myself up by my pillows, and once I settled in my new position, I brought the vial to my lips, downing its contents. Just like its smell, it was sweet; it tasted like warm chocolate and roasted nuts. I sighed contently as I found the liquid delicious and that it spread a warm throughout my body while it dulled any pain I felt. Did Madam Pomfrey leave this for me? Wouldn't she give this to me as soon as she saw I've woken up? 

At one point, Lily came to visit again to check on me while filling me on today's lessons and drama. I couldn't help but eye roll at the latter, but never the less did I appreciate it. Unfortunately, it would never last long before the school's healer would kick her out while repetitively saying, "Miss Black needs her rest!"

When night comes after Madam Pomfrey, and I ate, she had retired after ensuring I was okay. Eventually, I began disrobing to change into a nightgown I didn't think about asking for help since I'll need to start getting back into things on my own. The task was proven somewhat difficult with my arm cast. As I was working on my night garb, I heard something a few feet away that caught my attention. When I looked over to see who it was, it was the last person I expected.

Severus Snape.

However, the moment our eyes locked, he swiftly turned around and made quick strides. Pulling my gown down with a frown, I decided to call out to the rushing boy. "Snape?" 

Upon hearing his name, he came to a halt and stood there momentarily before making his way towards me. His cheeks were noticeably flushes, which I found cute, though he avoids my gaze. "What brings you to the infirmary?" 

Severus didn't respond right away, but after clearing his throat, "I'm here to... check on you..." Hearing his reason to visit the hospital wing, I couldn't help but smile. "Worried about me, Snape?" I teased.   
He didn't say anything. He stood awkwardly at the foot of my bed, where he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "You can sit down, you know." I pointed to the chair at my bedside. Reluctantly he sat on the chair before looking up at me. "So... how are you feeling...?" 

"Well, I'm alright though I was feeling some pain earlier, it went away as soon as I drank this potion that was left in my hand this morning." Severus nods, listening to me explain my current state. We sat in silence for a brief moment before he decided to break the silence. "Here..." Snape said as he reached into his pockets to pull something out. My brows knit in confusion until I saw the shine of the object he held. "Stars! My wristwatch, you found it?" I was surprised yet so relieved that my watch was no longer missing, but with someone, I knew and trusted that they would return it to me. The Slytherin passed me the silver watch with our hands just barely brushing against one another in the process, causing my cheeks to flush. I swear out of the corner of my eye I saw his face slightly pink as well. "I found it as soon as they rushed you here. It was in rough shape, but I managed to repair it..." 

"Thank you, Severus. I appreciate this. It means a lot." I rubbed my thumb across the elegant design before looking up at the ravenette with the most genuine smile I could muster. 

"It's not that big of a deal.." He brushes it off though I could see he was embarrassed. Slowly I reached out for his hand, holding it in mine. His hand felt rigid and tense as I took it. He looks up at me, reconnecting our gaze, and yet I still couldn't help but smile at him. "You might not think it a big deal, but to me, it is." 

Finally, I released his hand and fingered my watch, feeling uncertain as to what happens next. Snape clears his throat, causing me to look over at him. "I should be going now..." He stood up and began making his way out till I couldn't help but call out to him one last time. "Good night Severus." As I settled myself in my bed just before letting sleep take over my senses, I was sure I heard him though it was faint. 

"Good night, (Y/N).." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed it. (n˘v˘•)¬
> 
> Can I also quietly mention I'm sorry if I don't capture characterization as well as others do.


	6. First year: Family | Tutor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving the infirmary, you unexpectedly encounter a family member. The day was decently okay, it was nice to get back to classes though you are a little behind, so why not ask a certain someone to tutor you to catch up? In the end, you realize something from the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here's another chapter. I dunno how well it is, to be honest. Haha.  
> I hope you guys will enjoy it. Pretty soon I'll be having some time skipping.  
> I hope when we get to that point it'll be enjoyable!  
> Also, if the writing is kinda weird, I'm trying to provide variety in my writing so it's not so much the same and repetitive.  
> Probably will end badly, haha... ah please help me. ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡

With another day or two of rest, Madam Pomfrey believed I was fit and capable and discharged me from the hospital wing. Though before I left, she gave me an earful about being careful, so I don't end up back in her extreme care. As I walked through the Hogwarts corridors, I saw a familiar blonde waiting, leaning her back against the wall with her arms crossed. 

"Narcissa." I was wondering what my older cousin was doing here just waiting, was she waiting for me? If she needed me, then why didn't she visit? However, it doesn't surprise me since I wouldn't expect any of my family to visit me if I was injured. 

"(Y/N)," She responded as she turned her head towards me. Her blue eyes were stern and burning. Narcissa looked immaculate from head to toe; she was beautiful there's no question about that, but like the rest of the Blacks, she felt strongly about the blood purity. A shame, I thought.   
"I see you've been discharged." I nodded at the obvious statement. 

"You ought to be more careful, cousin. We mustn't show moments of weakness like this, or else these mudbloods will never respect us. They'll try to take advantage of the situation." Narcissa pushed herself off the wall and stood in front of me, eyeing my bandaged arm. We stood there in absolute silence. Eventually, she pursued her lips just for a moment before her expression finally softened. 

"I hope that I'll be seeing you at my wedding, (Y/N). We are still missing a flower girl, and... I would love it if it were you." One of her hands rested on my shoulder while the free one pushed a stray white lock behind my ear. This is a rare moment of fragility with my cousin, something I wouldn't often see in our family, which conflicts me. 

My (e/c) eyes gazed into her, usually intense bright eyes looked like sky crystals as we analyzed one another. "Of course, Narci." I nodded. "I'd be honored." She gave a half-smile and a quick squeeze on my shoulder before leaving me to myself in the now-empty corridor, only hearing the echo of her shoes against the ground. 

After that, my day went on as usual, as nothing had happened. Still, unfortunately, I had to catch up on everything I've missed. Perhaps I could ask Xenophilius? Although I have to admit there are moments where he leaves me more confused than where I started, its nothing against him. Despite being a kind and friendly person, he was still odd at times, but it made him unique and exciting at the same time. 

Maybe I could just ask Severus instead? Though the thought of that makes me slightly nervous, it's worth a shot, right? 

Lily always brags to me about how intelligent the brooding Slytherin bookworm is. She didn't need to tell me though, ever since we met, I just had a feeling he's someone smart. Not because I saw him reading on the train, or every other time I see him really, but I just had a feeling inside that he's more than his hardened exterior. 

However, I've also heard a circulation of rumors about him for a bit. Apparently, when he arrived at Hogwarts, he already knew more hexes than what most students learn by their seventh year. Frankly, I don't know if I'm impressed or if I should be slightly concerned about this. 

Either way, I won't let rumors bias my opinions about him. That's for sure.

My best chance of catching him before classes are more than likely at breakfast. I guess that'll be my priority tomorrow. If I'm lucky, that is. The thing that makes my confidence falters is that helping me catch up, tutoring me doesn't benefit the ravenette at all. There goes all my confidence. 

With a soft sigh and a heavy heart, I made my way back to Ravenclaw Tower back to the girls' dormitory. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, it seems. The only thing besides sleep I could do is just hope and pray to the Gods that Snape will at least consider helping me. 

Morning came much faster than I anticipated; it felt like I wasn't asleep for long. It's like only two hours passed since the time my head hit the pillow and now. Then again, maybe its because all I've been doing for the past few days is rest and sleep. I sat up, stretching on my bed for a few moments before forcing myself to get ready. The first thing I looked at and grabbed was my wristwatch that rested by itself on the top of my cupboard. Ever since Snape returned it to me, its sentimentality increased. Just seeing it now brought a smile on my face as I recalled that night with him. I don't understand why it made it more special, but it just did. After clasping it onto my wrist, I changed into my Ravenclaw robes and grabbed my grey leather bag before making strides for the great hall. 

Raking a nervous hand through my hair, I noticed the locks that were typically a snow-white turned into a familiar light shade of grey. After realizing the shift of color change in my hair, it symbolized my internal feelings right now; anxiousness. 

A shaky breath escapes me. I couldn't let my nerves get the best of me and make me look like such an idiot. Before I realized it, I was standing in front of the great hall, and my inner turmoil took over the world around me for me to already be here. One moment I had left my house tower and suddenly I'm already where I needed to be. Despite the fact I doubt anything could calm me, calm the shakiness I felt, I took a second just to breathe until I was ready. Here goes nothing. 

  
Crossing the threshold between the main corridor and the public gathering area, my (e/c) orbs darted and glanced around the Slytherin table for a particular boy. Immediately I spotted who I was looking for. As I walked with steady steps toward the green house's table, I couldn't help but feel a moment of déjà vu. Up until I settled in the seat across from him, that was my feelings. Once seated, those feelings overshadowed by concern, unease. 

Of course, as usual, the dark-haired Slytherin was silently reading. Its become a natural sight to see at this point, but that wasn't a bad thing. It gave a warm inside me because I got to watch Severus in his element, his nature, his wilderness. 

"H- Hello, Severus." I swallowed nervously before producing a soft smile, doubting he'd bother to look up and acknowledge me like in the past.   
However, he surprised me when he glanced up from the beige pages. "How are you feeling?" He reluctantly asked, his concern was rather touching. "I'm alright, better now that I am out of the hospital wing. The only downside is that I am slightly behind." I nervously laughed. His response was a simple nod. 

We sat in complete silence, unsure of what to say now. It bordered between awkward and comfortable if those feelings could exist at the same time. I doubt I'm making any kind of sense. 

Clearing my throat as I struggled to form my thoughts. "I- I was... was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me catch up." I stammered softly, feeling my cheeks flush and my hair following it as faded into a cotton candy pink shade. 

Silence. 

At this point, I've pretty much gotten used to the long pauses of silence. Waiting for a response- if there was one, situations like this, though, I doubt my apprehension could ever get used to it. 

The first thing I heard was the closing of a book, a soft 'thump.' 

'Potions.' 

Burgundy. That's what the fading color of the cover was.   
The lettering printed in gold that dulled as time went on.   
Though it has worn down, it was always well handled when I saw it with its owner. However, the only word one could make out on the front is 'potions,' granted its an essential name printed on it. 

Though the publication is dated, when it came out, I don't doubt the elegance it might have once had. 

Nonetheless, he continued to read it. I often see him reading it. He might love potions or hold a sort of sentiment for the text. 

A sharp sigh broke my spiraling wonderment. Looking up from fluttering lashes, I saw Severus rubbing his temple. 

"I suppose I could attempt to help you for a little while. If I feel that I am wasting my time, I'll leave you to flounder around. Better keep up and retain anything I tell you." 

A chuckle escapes me after hearing his response. Snape is like a ~~porcupine~~ hedgehog; spiky and an angry huffing ball of cuteness. I saw this as him willing to help me but still maintain his distant self. However, I didn't mind it. 

I was just extremely grateful and lucky that he agreed to help me despite my initial thoughts. He never had to agree to this just like he never had to give me my watch back. "Thank you, Severus. When should we meet?" I smiled.

"We'll be meeting at the library after lunch. I'll see whether or not you can keep up and maintain my standards." With that, he got up and left. Since I'm here, I should get some breakfast before the great hall flooded with students that opted to get some more sleep. 

  
So far, classes have been decent despite the fact I was behind and missing some notes. Luckily some of my friends and a few kind classmates helped me here and there. It was lovely to be back in class. I'm sure one or possibly a few of my classmates would have wished they missed a few days for a break, just to avoid sitting in class. However, lying around in an empty hospital wing with nothing to do was the equivalent of watching paint dry. Not to mention, we are lucky to be gifted with magic that muggles wish and dream for. Plus, I am just grateful and proud to have magic and to be good at it on top of that. 

I aspire to be an extraordinary witch and learn just as much as I can. Make everything count, am I right? And that is the very thing I intend to do. 

  
Soon enough, lunch had rounded the corner. The public gathering space was filled with lively students, eating their hearts out, conversing with friends, housemates, and classmates. 

Hell, I even had a good time hanging with my own; it felt nice. My eyes darted around the room, I saw familiar burning curls of red hair and smiled as I knew it could be no one but Lily. She looked like she was enjoying herself; I could see her laughing. I'm glad to know that she is enjoying herself. 

Blinking, my attention shifted over to Salazar's house table. The first one I spotted there was my cousin, Narci, speaking with fellow Slytherins with a hard expression. She must have felt someone was looking at her as we made direct eye contact. Seeing that it was only her little cousin eyeing her and soon-to-be flower girl, her expression softened. However, that only lasted for just about a nanosecond before turning her attention back to her group. 

Since my focus was still on the green-clad house, my orbs wondered, looking for a particular Slytherin. This task was proven to be a bit more complicated, eyeing the whole table I didn't see him. Guess the only other way to know if he's here at all was to check if he was possibly walking in or out. 

It was the latter.

However, there was only one thing that bothered me. My lips pursed as I had also seen Avery and Mulciber. 

The duo of first-years was anything but a positive light. Not to mention, they are on my list of people that make me feel on edge and that I'd have to look out for them. I just hope that Severus doesn't get so warped in whatever trouble they intend to inflict. 

Well, I officially lost my appetite. 

The moment finally arrived when I was supposed to meet with Severus at the library. We didn't precisely name a location as to where we'd meet up with one another. So I was slightly uncertain if he was here or not. Although I'm sure, he was. Just somewhere. 

Looking for Severus in the vast library made me feel like we were playing hide and seek in a sense. However, it was highly unintentional, plus I doubt Snape would ever play, perhaps viewing it as childish. 

I'll just have to play. As I passed by section after section, I glanced around looking for the ravenette, yet I only see other students. I sighed. "Where could he be?" I murmured. After saying those words, I had found him soon enough in the DADA section with a book in hand. 

It was captivating watching him. His lips pursed, and his eyes narrowed as he inspected the open text. Then how his brows would pull together in a scowl. My show didn't last long as he snapped the book closed before shelving it away. 

"Do you always just silently watch people without saying anything? It's becoming a habit now." 

A burning heat spread across my face as he called me out. How did he know I was here? Was my presence so apparent? 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just." I chewed my lip as I didn't bother finishing my sentence. This caused him to face me with a raised brow. "It's just what?" 

My gaze was set on the floor on my mary janes, shifting uncomfortably. "You just look like you were in deep concentration, I didn't exactly want to bother you." When he didn't respond, I glanced up from through my bangs to see his reaction, if there was one. Again, he looked to be in thought as he focused his eyes elsewhere.

"Severus?" Upon hearing his name, his head snapped up and focused on me now. "Let's just get to work already." Severus turned on his heels, walking away. Immediately I followed him, seeing he selected a corner desk with books lying on the surface. I took the seat across from him and took out all of my materials. 

The studying session wasn't that bad if I was honest. I already knew the ravenette was smart, but he's brilliant. Whatever 'standards' he spoke of earlier, I must have passed his expectations considering we're still here. He had corrected and reformed information from the books and lessons we had, I also had my inputs on that, which surprised him. It felt peaceful just studying and comparing and exchanging information. 

Well, it was peaceful.

"Ah, Severus." A male voice penetrated.

The said boy's body tensed, and his eyes slightly glazed. "Lucius."   
I cocked my head. Lucius? I knew who he was, he's Narcissa's fiancee, but I didn't exactly know that they knew each other. 

"I did not expect to see you here." I looked over to see my future cousin-in-law, always so prim and proper. Long blonde hair tied into a ponytail by a black ribbon, Slytherin robes worn to a T. Typical perfectionist. 

"Yes. Well, I'm here picking up a book for a professor." He held a book by his side, and I couldn't make it out. "I did not realize you were acquaintanced with my future cousin-in-law, (Y/N), Snape." 

"We take some classes together. She needed tutoring on what she missed in class during her stay at the hospital wing." The tension I saw in Severus looked as if it had vanished as he spoke so coolly. 

"I see. I trust you've been teaching her proper. Do take care, I must be getting back. Though I believe you'll treat her with the utmost care. After all, we'll be family. Wouldn't want to disappoint both Blacks and Malfoys, now would you?" 

"No. We wouldn't want that." His grip on his quill tightened. It was apparent that the situation was less than pleasant. "Good. I'll be seeing you, Snape." 

With that, Lucius left us in silence. The atmosphere was unbearably uncomfortable, and I didn't know what to say though I didn't have to say anything at all.

"I believe that's it for today. You're not as dimwitted as the rest, surprisingly. After today, you should be all caught up and perhaps a little ahead of the class if you continue to reflect on today." He closed his eyes as he exhaled then began packing up. 

"Wait! Severus." Snape halted as he was about to make a swift exit. My eyes focused on the back of his crow black hair. "Thank you for your help. I appreciated it and all your input. It was enlightening."

My mouth went dry for a moment as I thought about how nice this was. "I... I would love to study with you again sometime. Compare notes and share information." 

"Another time... perhaps." With that, he left with black robes fluttering in his wake. 

A soft, short laugh escapes me as I shook my head. "That's not a no."   
The corner of my lips twitched up in a smile. Before leaving the library, I took one more glance at our study station before a group of other students settled there. 

I had just remembered something as I halted in the corridor. From the pocket of my robe, I pulled out a small scrap of parchment. The same one that was attached to the vial that said ''drink.' Looking at that and a copy of Snape's notes. 

"It was him." Though he wouldn't admit it to my face, I felt that he did care. Despite the facade he puts, he's a nice person. Resuming my strides, I pocketed the piece of paper in my robes with a warm feeling in my chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you've enjoyed it. ♡  
> Also, I need to say all I've been doing is reading so many Kylo Ren/Reader fanfics. Pretty fulfilling.  
> ´͈ ᵕ `͈  
> (Saw a post where someone said Adam Driver would make a perfect young Snape, image stuck in my head)  
> Although I have two active stories right now, low-key would want to make one for him but its I dunno the idea I have.  
> Haha. Probably won't do it, but wanted to share. (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`)  
> I have such a thing for raven haired boys who are emotionally distant and fragile deep inside.  
> ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡
> 
> I can't believe this is almost 400 hits! Thank you for taking the time for this work!  
> Anyway, till next time.  
> ♡ DungeonBat


	7. First year: Christmas Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Christmas break! Unfortunately, you're going back home, which is less than pleasant as per usual. Nothing says Merry Christmas than being in the dreary Black home with what is supposed 'family.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Lately, I've been pretty down and when I started writing the chapter I was and still sort of unhappy with its turn out so I wasn't super motivated. Plus I had broken my phone which didn't back up on icloud, which had a lot of writing notes so that took away my writing motivation and made me even more depressed.  
> Sorry that the chapter isn't the greatest and it took awhile.

Snow.

It's often the first known association to winter—a symbol of the cold season other than the dull, muted color of dormant plants. It appears as if they were dead. By now, most animals have migrated or hibernated until winter ends, and the temperature rises again. Despite the lifelessness of this particular time, winter has always been my favorite season. 

Maybe its the fact that its cold, I didn't mind the other seasons, although I'd always choose the colder ones; fall and winter. The scorching summer heat, the constant sweating, was less than pleasant. Gross. There was a welcoming feeling in the chill harvest air, bringing a familiar shiver that jolts up my spine—a cold chill. Tingling sensations coming from the hair follicles on my body, forming goosebumps due to the cold feeling, would always stir a kind of excitement in me. 

If you remember that game, 'Would You Rather?' You had to choose between two options: would you rather be hot or cold, the answer you want to choose is cold. Why? Our bodies can regulate their temperature when we're cool, but when we're hot, it's hard to cool down. Easier to warm up basically. Plus, there's a lot of cute outfits and layers one can wear in the winter. Or if you enjoy wearing black all the time, this is the perfect season for it. 

Perhaps its the melancholy of winter that has me so enthralled. It's profound how the change in nature's atmosphere truly affects our mood like the "winter blues." They say that the primary culprit to it is due to the lower level of natural sunlight we are exposed to during the fall and winter. Less natural light can cause a dip in serotonin. This neurotransmitter regulates the mood, including its effects on the internal clock in our bodies, changing both our sleep cycle and feelings. But that's just too biological, too informative. There's an odd comfort in the melancholic feelings the season brings. There's a comfort in the sadness—the comfort in being sad. 

Beauty. That's what makes autumn but specifically wintertime the best of the seasons. A drastic change in colors, autumn has a spontaneous color scheme out of all the seasons—warm tones coming in the shades of yellow, orange, red, and brown. Typically people use oranges, pinks, and reds as their first choice for any fall design. There's more to it than those—purple and gold, two regal colors that are also complementary, making a sharp contrast when paired together. The palette isn't limited to only the mainstream reds, yellows, and oranges. There's always more to things than we allow our eyes to see. 

Now, there's winter—multitudes of blue shades, gray hues, and black. Then there is the richness of browns ranging from a reddish tone to chocolate. Pale tints such a white and pink are included as well. Since its Yuletide, there's vibrate greens and crimson to burgundy reds. I like the dull tones and muted colors. It's a significant contrast to the usual vivid colors we see every other season. Mainly the greys, whites, and black are my favorite. 

I should say that its beauty just doesn't rely on color schemes. They're just an addition. This particular time of the year brings stillness. Trees are bare for the most part, plants lie dormant, and animals have gone south for warmth or currently dwell in caves, holes, and any sort of hollow shelter they could find till the cold subsides. Due to that, this brings up a peace of seclusion. 

Snow and ice might be a significant appeal factor in how it changes the scenery. Beautiful yet harsh. I think we can also describe snow as a time capsule, a reminder of youth, or a pause in time. Bright and white. 

There's no other weather element like it, and it hits all of our senses. We see a heavy costume of white covering everything outside. Snowflakes were spiraling and twirling as they make their descent before reaching their destination, melting. Visible tracks made apparent, man and animal prints alike—people were bundling for warmth, wearing layers and mittens, and hats. 

The sound varies between complete stillness to the slushing noise of snow crunching beneath our shoes. Children's laughter and joy as they play around. Typically, you can hear nothing when everything is completely motionless, and its because snow absorbs sound. Funny how this element manipulates a thing like sound. 

Snow doesn't have a taste. It hasn't stopped people from trying, speaking of eating snow, I hope ground snow is never ingested due to the fact it's unhealthy and contaminated. 

Snowflakes are safe. There's no point in eating it, or snow in general for the matter since it's made of water, so it'll just taste like water. There's an aesthetic about it, though. Catching a snowflake on the tip of your tongue lets it dissolve just as we've always wanted to as doe-eyed children. Very much a childish dream. 

This is the perfect time of the year to enjoy cocoa, coffee, and seasonal treats. 

People might not believe it, but just before it snows, there's a different aroma. The white powder brings an indescribable fragrance, possibly caused by the humidity, the weather's coldness, or maybe a stimulating nerve. 

Evergreen pine, peppermint, the smoke of a crackling firelog, the sweetness of chocolate, ginger, and cinnamon were typical aromas of winter. All of which just screams of home and comfort. 

Those seasonal odors aren't always as appreciated due to the icy winds and harshness the temperature can bring by leaving your nose red and burning. This takes away our ability to smell, stuffing up our noses. Baring your fingers to the low conditions and interacting with whatever items exposed to it turn your fingers rosy with a numbing sensation. Like when we'd grab a handful of snow, compressing and shaping it into a ball just to wage snow warfare with siblings and friends. 

Extended exposure to the frigid winds often feels like they're just trying to pass right through us. At the same time, we anchor our feet into place, nuzzling into our layers and layers of clothing for heat.

Perhaps I'm not doing the best at painting the beauty of this season, at least with the recognition it truly deserves. 

The point is that its a wonderful time of the year, and no, it's not because of its Christmas. Nature's appearance takes a complete 180, lacking state of life; there's a sadness but a comforting one. 

No matter how many times a person experiences snowfall, the crystalized world in this particular moment is magic. Bushes dusted in powdered sugar. Trees look like delicate ballet dancers, bare and thin, while adorned in icy jewels.

Despite how profound and extraordinary this is, people continue to move on with their lives like nothing. 

A real shame.

An unappreciated winter wonderland. 

I wish I could spend the holiday at Hogwarts, where I can actively enjoy the season. Unfortunately, though, I had to go home. 'Spend time with family' and be there as they continue to plan the wedding. As if we spend time around each other, even when we do, it's unpleasant. A season with a house full of Blacks is not ideal; I'd feel much better and more comfortable spending the holiday alone. Although the thought of that seemed appealing, spending it at Hogwarts with friends would be a much more enjoyable Christmas. 

It was the last day at Hogwarts before students flood the station, returning to King's Cross Station reuniting with our families for the break.

Surprisingly after that tutoring session with Severus, he'd occasionally meet with me at the library where we'd study together and rework information. It was always silent besides pointing things out to one another and confirmations. Despite the lack of friendly banter and getting to know one another, as much as I'd love for it to happen, this was enough. Remember, one step at a time. 

"So, what are you doing for the holiday, Snape?" His eyes were trained on the book in front of him, scribbling down corrections. When I first saw him doing that, it alarmed me since I wasn't the type to write in books like him. When we started our sessions, I kept trying to get him to write on pieces of parchment, but he would scowl at me before resuming his work. Now it was a common sight. "Nothing. I'm going to be here for the holiday."

"Really? You're not going home for Christmas?" I set my quill down against my stacks of papers, propping my arm onto the table. With my arm resting on the surface, I held my head upon my palm, looking at the ravenette intently. "No." 

He never stops, never glancing up, never looking at me. It kind of hurts that he never really looks my way. There was something I enjoyed watching him. How his hair falls and frames his face, I'm sure when he gets older, and his hair gets longer, he'd be handsome. Right now, he's adorable. Aside from that, it's just refreshing to see him concentrate, to see him immersed in his reading, or how he scowls and furiously scratches at errors in books. There's just pleasantness about him whether he's around or doing mundane things. A wave of calm just washes over me, and it's like there's nothing else in these occasional moments. 

"I see. I have to go home this holiday; if I didn't, I would have stayed here and celebrated Christmas with you." I gave him a sympathetic smile though he wouldn't see it. Severus gives a small grunt, acknowledging me, at least. "Even though I have to go home, I'll still write to you, Snape." 

As soon as those words left my lips, onyx orbs glanced up, at last, staring straight at me. 

"That's unnecessary." Our eye makeout didn't last long before he shook his head, resuming whatever notes he's been working on. Technically, I knew it was true that I didn't have to write to him, I don't have any obligations to, but I just wanted to. So he knows someone is thinking about him, especially a time of being around friends and family. He deserves attention and an ounce of affection. "I know, but I still want to."

This response earns a sigh from the studious boy. "Someone will be thinking about you, Snape. You deserve that. After all, this is a time of family and friends, and as your friend, I want you to have an enjoyable holiday." Inspecting his form, I noticed he stopped writing; he sat there just frozen in place. Was that too much for him?

Forcing out a quick cough, I stood up and began to pack up my belongings swiftly yet clumsily. Snape watched me intently, analyzing my moves. "Ahem. Well, I'll see you after the break, okay? You don't have to write back. I just don't want you to feel forgotten." My lips curled inwards as I felt insecure and shy, crossing my arms around my body with my attention on the table—another soft grunt. Guess that was my cue to leave then finally. 

Turning on my heels, ready to powerwalk back to my house common room, I halted upon hearing my name. "(Y/N)." My eyes bulged as I did not expect any further response. Slowly I looked back to see Snape had turned in his chair, gazing off in my direction. "Have a good holiday." 

Did he wish me an enjoyable holiday? This shouldn't be surprised, but it was. Severus didn't seem to be the type to greet someone or wish them a good Christmas. It kind of made me rosy-cheeked as silly as that it. For whatever reason, it made me happy. "Thank you, Severus. You too." A dimpled smile was my gift to him before I made my way out of the library.

Before I left, I could have sworn that I saw a corner of his lip twitch up as if he was returning the gesture. 

Unfortunately, it seemed that Severus would genuinely be without friends this holiday as Lily went home with me. As usual, we sat together. My friend went on a tangent regarding her family traditions for Christmas and all her favorite memories. 

Everything seemed to be straight out of those picture-perfect tv families. Don't get me wrong, hearing this made me happy because she looks so close to her family, but that's what makes me jealous because they are tight and genuinely happy. If only I had that ideal family. 

Before getting off the train, stepping onto King's Cross Station Platform 93/4 to meet with my family, I had quickly given Lily a hug and a holiday greeting. Mother and Father would prod for information about the redhead if they saw us together on the platform. Hence, it was better we parted before exiting the transport. The most massive sigh I've ever had escapes me as I began to walk towards my parents, Ophiuchus and Ara Black. My father stood tall, proud, dressed sharply in black, and had a stern gaze that screamed everyone around is beneath him. By his side is my mother, linking an arm through father's crossed ones, leaning close into him. She, too, was dressed in black. Both looked like a soon to be wed couple that decided on going to a funeral instead, disinterested. 

"(Y/N)." Father gave a curt nod as his eyes were drilling into me. Mother had retracted her arm, making her way towards me, engulfing my body in a hug. Affection was seldomly ever expressed unless it was with father, so her embrace felt awkward. Luckily the puzzling physical contact didn't last long before she pulled back, letting intense hazel eyes inspect me. 

Both father and her, like all Blacks, were beautiful. 

Ara Black nee Beausoleil, just like the Blacks, was also of French descent.

Gods, looking at her other women would be envious of the fact she was blessed with good genes while men envied the man she's with. People might think an oval-shaped face is the desired structure, but Ara had the most beautiful facial structure, the heart. Her skin was smooth, satiny with a curvy sculptural body to her perfectly arched, well-groomed brows. An aristocratic nose made the central point of her face. If you can imagine raspberries dripping with chocolate (a sort of reddish-brown), then that's the color of her long, shiny, bouncy locks. Then her eyes? They looked almost cat-like—the hazel color shifts in the light seeming greener with glowing amber specks in the sun.

In contrast, in the dark, it appeared primarily a honey brown in the center ringed by an apple green hue. Lips pressed together like twin rose petals that shared the same color of the flower. She didn't often smile, though. 

The youngest of four siblings are estranged, so I don't know much about my maternal family considering mother hates talking about her family. Anytime I tried to ask about her family, she'd tell me that it wasn't of any importance. Father and I were her family she'd say and even the extended Blacks. I learned to give up pursuing any desire to learn about my extended maternal family. Blacks and parts of the families they've wed into were the only important ones to know. 

Ophiuchus Black is an only child if I could recall. Standing right next to his beautiful wife, he often looked like a giant due to his tall height. Like his love, the male Black was also vain taking care of his body despite the blessing of godly genes. Not that he was built like a brick house, he was still fit, muscular enough. Continuing to contrast mother, Ophiuchus had a diamond face with a sharp cheek structure that is cleanshaven. In the center was a pointed nose. The sides of his caramel blonde hair are usually cut short and shaved down even with the top being long into a curled comb-over. It makes you wonder whose hair I inherited when I was younger. However, it doesn't matter considering when you're a Metamorphmagus, so to me, I always had snowy hair. 

Eyes were a pair of deep-set espresso brown with brows that often gave him a neutral expression but could intensify how he looks when he's mad. Once more like my mother, his lips were fine but often firmly pressed together, never really smiling. 

In short, I had gorgeous parents without a doubt, but they are standoffish and often unamused. They knew how to pretend when they needed to, though. 

We left King's Cross Station in silence for 20 minutes, give or take, making way for the Black family home, dull and lifeless. I often spent my time alone, even though there's no comfort there either. Locking myself in my room, albeit the wallpaper made it unnerving. Perhaps it was better to put up with the odd decor than to deal with family. 

Another room I often avoided was the Black family tapestry wallpaper, where it had each member printed on a branch with their name. However, not all of the members always stay in the family's history. If the majority of the family finds someone has disgraced the Black name, they'd be blacked out of the tapestry, smugging their portrait as if it was a mistake. This was something I didn't enjoy being around for or even watching anyone enter that room because typically, it was only to cross out 'traitors.' 

That could be me one day.

To be ripped out of the family, blackened out like a careless mistake. 

Do they not have any heart? Is the relationship of a family that inferior to blood purity? 

How can this even be a family?

Despite the jovial holiday number twelve, Grimmauld Place was still dark and muted. There isn't much decor to invoke the jolly holly spirit of the season. In the corner of the lounge area by the mantle, we had a pine tree with round red ornaments. Don't get me wrong. The tree is full and of exceptional quality, but the only color to decorate for this holiday is only red. It isn't even a bright red; it was all muted, dull red tones. 

The sight is so monotone and seems like the tree is bleeding.

However, I think that's why its the only color to decorate Grimmauld Place. 

The only thing that breaks the color is how some of the presents are wrapped in white though they were tied with red ribbons. Redder and redder never enough red, it seems. Never enough show for the importance of blood. 

So far, the holiday has been spent with fellow family members gathering to the main household, greeting each other from avoiding one another for the majority of the year. Typically they'd boast about whatever achievement or good graces they've had so far since the last Christmas. It was a competition always trying to out best the other. Other times they'd share gossip of the magic world, whispering in hushed tones. 

The only thing that made this year different was cousin Narci's upcoming summer wedding after she and Lucius graduate. Congratulations were thrown around and nosy questions as well as harassing reminders such as where the wedding at, reminding her to produce plenty of beautiful pureblood children, upkeep the family image. It rarely seems like congratulations or something worth celebrating with this sort of action. 

My opinions on the matter wouldn't be considered since I was only a child. 

"So tell us, Ophiculus, do you intend to find a suitable match for the little Starlet?" One of the relatives was asking a question on a topic I dread—arranged marriage. 

What is this? The 18th century? 

All of this just to maintain a pureblood status. Unfortunately, that'll be harder to upkeep considering the Sacred 28. Families outside of the Sacred are questionable on whether or not they genuinely of pureblood. The opinions for marrying into a pureblood family are very slim, considering we're at the point of being related to each of the twenty-eight. A hard pass, no thank you.

However, it wasn't 'my call' to make. Because our family is pureblood supremacy fanatics, they don't care about inbreeding, which is utterly vile. 

"Ara and I haven't decided yet. We have a minimal selection in mind, but that'll be discussed another time, don't you think? We're here to celebrate the holiday and congratulate Narcissa's upcoming union with Malfoy." The relative that asked the question simply nodded, taking the warning tone Father had given them though Father isn't wrong because we _will_ discuss this later. 

Soon enough, I slipped away to my bedroom, throwing myself on my bed and rolling onto my back. "I wonder if Lily is having a better holiday than me." Though I already knew the answer, I don't doubt she is having a wonderful break. "But what about Severus?" I clutched a pillow to my chest, thinking about the ravenette, wondering how he is since he stayed at Hogwarts for the holiday. 

Soft squeaking pulled me from my thoughts. Eros. I turned towards the corner by my bed, seeing the small black mammal in his hanging canopy bed, sleeping. During the winter, Eros hibernates for the time till the spring, so I have to borrow mother's owl. She has a Eurasian scops owl; he's primarily grey with touches of brown, making his feathers resemble tree bark. His eyes relate to mother's a little bit, they were pale olive green, and they were typically squinting as if he was glaring at you. I was pretty confident he is, he hates just about everyone except his master. For some odd reason, she named him after the french word 'true,' Vrai, sometimes calling him 'pue Vrai.' Little True. 

Despite the fact, he is indeed little; his bites aren't. Just about anyone he sees, there is an instant hatred. Vrai will end up attacking, clawing, and attempting to bite whoever he deems lesser than him. 

A real charmer, isn't he? When Vrai is alone or with mother, he'll begin to sing and call. They make a rather exciting noise. One, I can't precisely describe it was like a sort of soft beep closely resembling a car alarm. 

He was the owl I was going to use to send a letter to Snape. Hopefully, Vrai doesn't bite him. If I could, I would use Eros instead, but there wasn't much I could do in the given circumstances. 

Lifting myself off my bed, I made my way to my desk, pulling out a quill and piece of parchment along with an envelope. My fingers twirled the feather writing utensil as I thought about what I wanted to say. 

'Dear Severus.' 

Wait, no, that's perhaps too familiar and forward. I doubt Snape could appreciate it, right? He still isn't that close to me. 

'To Snape.' 

That didn't seem fit either. Ugh. 

Is writing a letter this hard? 

No, it isn't that hard, I am just overthinking things and making them more complicated than it needs to be. Pretty typical of me. 

With a fresh piece of parchment and new vigor, I began a new letter. 

'Happy Holidays Severus,

Wow. Time flew by, and it's hard to believe Christmas is just two days away. Is it odd to say that I am looking forward to the break ending with returning to Hogwarts? I guess I feel too used to being there, around Lily and even you. Perhaps I'm just missing things. 

Sorry for rambling, I do that quite a bit, don't I? 

This isn't the reason why I was writing to you. I just wanted to check on you to see how you're doing and have a peaceful holiday. 

Remember, I just want to make sure you're being thought of. You don't have to respond to my letter at all. 

Merry Christmas Snape. 

There was this book I found that I think you'd enjoy. Well, I do hope you like it. DADA seems to be a favorite of yours; I noticed whenever I find you in the library before our sessions. Besides potions, it might be the only other book you always read with such interest. 

I hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

(Y/N) Black

P.S. 

My apologies if Vrai attempts (and successfully) attacks and bites you. Unfortunately, he is the only owl around for me to use. He has the natural inclination to glare, hate, and attack just about everyone.'

It felt like an eternity before I placed the letter in the envelope, sealing it with my seal. There was hesitation and insecurity in me. I felt self-conscious about my writing and how much of an idiot I might be to the ravenette. 

Once that was out of the way, I opened the bottom drawer of my desk, pulling out a dark covered book. Handed with precise, delicate hands, the text is wrapped and bound in simple emerald green paper bowed with a plum to a black color ribbon. Just under the ribbon bidding, there was a small note just directly addressing the present meant for Severus. 

Aggressive calls echoed the office as soon as I stepped in. Looking across the room, I see the permanently angry bird glaring through the bars of his cage. "Before I let you out, you better not bite me, or else you won't get a treat." My (e/c) orbs glared back into squinting olive green ones. It was a standstill as we stared at each other for minutes before he let out an affirmative call. 

"You're going to deliver these to Severus Snape at Hogwarts, okay, Vrai?" His eyes shifted briefly to the mail he is to deliver before looking back at me. With a sharp breath, I opened his cage, which he flew out of immediately as it was unlocked, perching on the desk. It took me a moment to secure everything to the grey owl as I was shaking with nerves, cautious of the mean bird. "MERLIN!" I yelped, snatching my hand away from the bird who had blood dripping from his small yet incredibly sharp beak. The little arse bit me! Letting out another call as if he was laughing, he flew out, set on carrying out his task. "Such an arseling," I muttered, bringing my bleeding finger to my mouth, sucking on the wound before stalking out of the room. Hopefully, Snape doesn't get the royal treatment from Vrai like I just did. 

In the furthermost corner of the library, a particular ink haired boy sat alone by a window, reading in utter silence. This is perhaps the quietest the library truly gets, and it was blissful. No sort of interruptions, not a sound except for the occasional turning of pages, but even that hardly made a noise. Here he could feel completely safe, unguarded compared to all the other times when he's here. Indeed a peaceful moment. 

At least before it was interrupted by clicking sounds from the closed window by him. This caused Severus to put his reading at a pause as he set the book flat on the desk surface. Black locks swayed as he slightly tilts his head quizzically, looking through the foggy glass. However, the sound persists, no point in not opening the window and let whatever it is inside. And that's what he did. 

A grey owl with splashes of brown tones swooped in, perching himself by the book he was reading moments ago. What caught his eye was that the owl seemed to be carrying a green package wrapped with a dark ribbon, which nuzzled a letter addressed to him. For a moment, his expression darkened as he felt confused and cautious about the mysterious delivery. 

Any skeptical exanimation the Slytherin had was cut short. The owl made a call, squinting its peas for eyes in an unimpressed glare. With a huff, he extends his hand out, taking the owl's mail, but before it was in his grasp, the feathered menace lashed forward, trying to bite his hand. Luckily, Snape retracted his hand quickly enough to avoid a pair of beaks from piercing his flesh. "Try that again, and I'll make you my new quill." He hissed, glaring at the menace with narrowed eyes, browed lowered and pushed together. The sigh must have shaken the bird as it falls back, stumbling to regain its stance. Cautiously Snape continued to watch the untrustworthy bird before grabbing the package, turning it around before taking the lettered addressed to him. 

His name was written in a beautiful fluid, curled cursive print. On the back, the envelope was fastened shut by a darkish purple-blue wax seal. The stamp is geometrical with a sun in the center, and below it was a moon. Very formal and elegant. 

Pale, cold hands skillfully popped the seal open like a button, still intact. When the letter was retrieved from the sleeve, onyx orbs immediately noticed a few small red stains on the note. Giving the crimson one more look, he finally unfolds the letter, realizing who had written to him.

A specific white-haired Ravenclaw girl.

Black. 

Part of him couldn't believe she went through with her promise, but at the same token from previous encounters, it doesn't surprise him as much. His eyes skimmed the letter's contents, although the message wasn't long. 'A gift?' He questioned, lowering the paper as he gazed at the green paper-covered book. With the same skill and care, he had shown the stamp, and the ribbon came off in an instance followed by the wrapping paper. Tension escapes Severus as his breath hitches once he gets a good look at the literary work. It was a brand new book on Defense Against the Dark Arts, but not only was it latest in its genre, but it had also written by someone competent and meticulous with their work. Why (Y/N) Black had given him this novel was beyond him, but by Merlin, he could not deny the fact he was pleased. 

There was no way he would have been able to get a copy of this novel only after it was released mere months ago, and one in pristine condition like this? Indeed he was lucky. Although he is more than happy with his gift, he wouldn't allow the pureblood girl to see it, but would still show that he appreciated the present. It also made him realize that maybe she did pay attention and got a basic understanding of him and his interests. However, anyone who paid him any mind could eventually figure it out. 

Idly his fingers traced the cover's engravings as he was lost in thought. Her owl warily watches him and his every movement. When Snape suddenly moved, it caused the bird to flapped back clumsily, slightly fearing the brooding boy would carry out his threat. There was a light sharpness peeking at Snape's robe-clad shoulder, turning his head, his face met with feathers that tickled his nose. Scrunching his nose, he looked up at the bird with a raised brow, wondering what the hell it was doing, but Black's owl just shifted its weight nervously on his makeshift perch. 

"I assume you did this?" The letter was held up, explicitly referring to the small red smudges on the paper's edge. 

Vrai lowered his head further down in embarrassment, silently confirming the dark-haired boy's suspicions. 

Setting the book and letter on the other end of the table, Severus shifted around for a spare piece of parchment, hastily scribbling something down. Vrai sat there, making soft callings as he watched the dark-haired boy. "You'll take this back with you once you leave." He held up the note he quickly wrote for the bird who took it reluctantly. With his response secured to the messenger owl, he flew off to his home and master. The window shut behind Vrai. 

After a few moments, Snape gathered up his belongings, giving the pristine book one quick look over before tucking it securely under his arms. Slytherin's common room was his destination in mind, where he'd relax with his new book.

The next day I immediately slipped back down into the office, hoping to find Vrai. Once I was in the room, nothing looked out of the ordinary, and the owl I was looking for wasn't there. "I guess Vrai isn't back yet." Turning on my heels, as I reached for the doorknob, fluttering wings came into earshot. Something unexpected happened instead of landing on top of his cage or the desk; he was on my shoulder. And he wasn't making angry calls or trying to bite me either. What in stars' name?

Despite the odd behavior, I couldn't let my guard down around the owl because he could fool me. So, slowly I turned my head to look at the bird, immediately catching his eyes. We stood there, still, looking into one another's eyes. A familiar owl calling broke me out of my trance, and a nuzzle at my cheek as Vrai dropped a piece of parchment. I was digging my teeth into my bottom lip, abusing the flesh with idle biting as I unfold the note. 

'(Y/N)

Thank you. 

You weren't joking about the bird. The cursed winged beast attempted to take a bite out of me as he's done to you. A little threat of promising to make him into my new quill changed his mood. He curled up on my shoulder, in fact, with a sort of song. 

You shouldn't worry about any further issues with him.

Merry Christmas.

Severus' 

This response was a surprise in itself. The Slytherin also managed to tame the menacing owl. Then To ensure it wouldn't have any further conflicts with me, it was mind-blowing how the scenario must have gone played through my head, making me laugh. This certainly made my break. A hastily written note I would have never thought I'd get from the ravenette when we first met. Perhaps this was another step in getting closer to him even if he'd probably deny it. 

My heart swelled with warmth like when you take sips of cocoa, and this moment felt just as sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://slashercemetery.tumblr.com/  
> Just putting this to contact me, see a collection of my mood/storyboards, etc. 
> 
> I hope I'll be able to update better and put out something good.  
> Until then have a good one everyone ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡


	8. Christmas Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter, I was kind of inspired to make a Christmas special chapter. It isn't really canon to the actual story. I'm not going to lie I spent way too much time on writing this. (It's about 11.7k words, my longest written chapter.) In the end, I kind of feel it got worse. Maybe second to the infamous 'My Immortal'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut closer to the end. I haven't written smut since I was in middle school, so I am embarrassed.  
> In the future, maybe I could go back and rewrite it. Check out the Overthinker extras for the floorplan.

"Come on (Y/N)!"

"No." 

"Pretty please? Come on, I know you wanna go. I also definitely know you want a certain raven-haired boy to go with you.~"

A noticeable flush burned it's away across my cheeks like wildfire because the pleading girl was right, and she knew it too. Lily had spent the past few days begging and pleading with me, and every time it went something like this. We were invited to a final seventh year Christmas party hosted by the Quidditch teams down at Hogsmeade. The party was for seventh years only although it's supposed to be hush-hush. Even though it's meant for the final year students, anyone could come, but people were allowed in if they were given an invite. Not like they can find where it's at without the invitation or someone who was personally invited. 

My Gryffindor friend was invited for several reasons, really. There were only two that stuck out. Reason number one might be the fact she is dating famous, talented quidditch chaser, James Potter. The other probable answer might be that she is Head Girl, but I doubt the reason for her being invited matters. 

Sirius, my arse of a cousin, is also invited since he is one of Gryffindor's beaters. Of course, since half of the Marauders is requested, the invitation extended to the other half. Remus was already invited as he was a house prefect, and then there was Ratface. 

Peter! Gods, I'll never be able to call him anything but Ratface, not since the sorting ceremony first year. Either way, he was allowed to go to the party as well since he was a Marauder. Lucky him, I guess? 

My summons for the party, I wasn't entirely sure of. Maybe it was because I was friends with Lily? Or it could have been the fact I was a leader of the Dueler's Club and Hogwarts' best duelist. Doesn't matter since I could go, no reason to really question it is there? Parties were never my kind of thing, but this time I wanted to go to this party, and it probably has to do with the fact it's our final year here. Make lasting memories while we can and leave no regrets. 

"HEY!" 

A violent shake and exclamation took me out of my mental rambling. Lily's green eyes analyzed me, her expression serious. "Stop ignoring me!" Her grip on my shoulders tightened for a moment. "I'm not! So, you can let go now!" I shook her hands off me, taking a step back to give us some space. "Uh-huh. Anyway, are you going to ask him? If you don't ask him, then I'll ask him for you!" My eyes bulged, there was no way in all the Gods' names I wanted my direct sharp-tongued friend to ask her childhood friend and my crush to a party he more than likely doesn't want to go to. "Lily! Gods, don't you dare!" She began running, laughing while occasionally looking back at me while I chased her down the school corridors. "Better catch me before I find Severus then!" 

The next few minutes passed like nanoseconds as I ran after the laughing redhead. How could she still have so much energy?! My lungs were burning as I was running out of breath, and my legs were aching, just begging to give out from under me. A glimpse of red flashed around the corridor. At this rate, I was going to lose sight of her, and I couldn't let her find Severus no matter what. 

As soon as I turned around the corner where I had last seen my friend, I rammed straight into another person of slender build. "I am so sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going." Whoever I bumped into had a firm grip on my waist, preventing me from falling from the collision. "That much was clear. Do you intend to stay on me all day?" The familiar deep, resonating voice made me involuntarily shiver. Stars, help me. 

It felt too soon to have found him, too early to ask him, but if I don't, then Merlin knows what Lily will say to him! My palms were pressed against his flat, lightly defined chest as I slowly peeked up, gazing through my bangs. Severus' face was tilted down, making us just a breath apart, knowing how close we were made my throat dry. A dark brow twitched upwards, and those beautiful midnight eyes looking at me quizzically. "Ah... Um.. sorry." Sliding my hands down to my sides, noticing Snape had released his hold on my waist as we both took a step back, putting a bit of distance between us. We stood in silence, staring at one another well I focused my gaze on his long locks to avoid eye contact. 

As neither one of us was going to say anything, the dark-haired boy stepped to the side, intending to walk around me. However, he stopped and squinted down at me. "What is it?" My body had acted on its own as soon as I could process Snape was going to leave. There was no way I'm going to just word vomit the question to him, absolutely not. "Have you seen Lily?!" Instead, I blurted that out, looking like the biggest idiot in the world to the most intelligent person in Hogwarts. "No." 

Oh, thank the Gods. Snape had not encountered the redhead who threatened to ask the mentioned boy about me wanting him to go with me to the Christmas party. At least I could ask himself myself.

"Erm, Severus?" I released my hold on his wrist and fiddled with my fingers as my anxiousness raised. There was no doubt, my hair had turned grey promptly. By now, people had to have known about my shifting hair color and what each color symbolizes. "What?" His voice was toneless, but despite that, I always found comfort in listening to him. "Are you going to do anything the night before Christmas?" No matter how much air I breathed in, I still felt breathless. 

"Nothing. Why?" This is it. Just go ahead and ask him, get it over with. Just stop prolonging things. "Well, if you're not doing anything and if you wanna come... Lily and I are going to this Christmas party. I'd- we'd love for you to come." He's going to say no, why did you even bother asking him?! You already knew the answer. Now, when he tells you no, you'll look even dumber. Stars. I don't think I'd want to face him after this. 

Yet he surprised me when he finally answered. "I.. I'll consider it." Did he really give it a consideration? It was surprising. The answer wasn't a definitive yes, but it was good enough. All I could do now is just hope and pray to the Gods and Stars he does go. 

There was a pep in my step as I continued my aimless strides down the corridor. Anyone walking by would stare at me with puzzlement, seeing my wide smile. The possibility of being with Severus at the celebration had me on cloud nine. Nothing could ruin it besides him not showing up.

"So, what's gotten you so happy?" An arm linked its way around my neck, pulling me into an embrace. Tilting my head as much as possible, I saw the girl I was chasing after earlier now at my side. Where did she come from? Before I had the chance to bombard her with questions, she cut me off. "I already know the answer, so you don't have to say anything, just wanted to tease you." She stuck her tongue out playfully. If only I didn't love and care for her so much, ugh. It's hard to even hate Lily Evans. "Anyway, I saw you talking to Sev so did you ask him?~" Her pink lips curled into a smirk as she leaned in close. At least this confirms that she was around watching our encounter. "Yes, I did." My teeth dug into the corner of my lip, chewing on the skin nervously. We halted any further movement as Lily spun me around, looking at me with a devious expression. "And? What did he say?!~" It was evident to her what the answer was, or thought it was. "You already know what the answer is! So stop pretending like you don't!" I looked up at her, huffing. The Gryffindor girl doubled over, laughing with the broadest smile. "I know! I just love teasing you about it. In all seriousness, though (Y/N), I am happy you like someone, and it isn't just some random boy; instead, its Sev! He deserves someone as amazing as you, and I know you'd take good care of him." Together we shared a sweet embrace at the heartfelt moment. However, it doesn't last as the mischievous girl's fingers slithered down to my sides, poking and tickling me. She knew this was a weak spot for me ever since she first poked around my abdominal region, I'd jump up and squeal. It's so embarrassing. 

As soon as the light touches turning into a bombardment of a somewhat delicate itch that was overpowering and annoying, making me laugh uncontrollably with a pang of pain from too much laughter. "L-Lily! St-aha- Stop it!" I squealed as we fell on the floor, both of our laughs echoing the hall. "Nope! Not until you promise you'll wear something I'm giving you to the party!" Her assault didn't lighten up but, in fact, intensified. I attempted to squirm my way out of her grasp, which proved futile. "Ah! Okay, okay! Plea-Ahah-se just stop! I promise!" Once she got what she wanted from me, she had ceased her tickling. "Perfect! There's no backing out!" With that, she had helped me up before we continued our walk. 

Despite that, the promise lingered in the back of my mind, wondering what she wanted me to wear. The anticipation keeps me on edge, I don't know whether to be scared or intrigued. Guess I won't find out till the night of the party. 

Is it possible to feel that the celebration is coming incredibly slow? However, it also feels like it's going increasingly fast. I spent the few days annoying Lily this time, wondering what she is forcing me to wear, but she'd just smirk and tell me I won't find out until that night. Curses. 

I suppose I'm in for a surprise tonight. Gods and Stars help me. 

The Marauders, Lily, and I plus an involuntary Snape decided we'd meet in the front courtyard to discuss tonight's event. From the central doorway, I could see Lily, James, and Remus already there. Surprising to see that Snape wasn't the first one there. 

Speak of the Devil. As I drew closer to the entryway, Snape appeared and made long strides towards my direction. "Hello, Severus." The Slytherin always looked the same, still wearing his house robes that never once seemed out of place when worn. Then there was one of my favorite features of the silent male: his long black shoulder-length hair. It often had a greasy appearance, but I knew it was caused by how he spends such an excessive amount of time down in the potions' room. I couldn't help but just admire his features, how well his locks frame his face, or when a stray hair gets in his way when he reads or brews potions.

My other favorite feature of him were those eyes. They were the darkest pair I'd ever seen, they always took my breath away and could just lose myself in them. His eyes still remind me of the night sky, the darkest night where there were no stars to shine or the illuminating moon. The thing about his dark orbs is that they are intense and so mysterious. Just everything about him was quite secretive, I suppose, but like a cliche, I'm just drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to see parts of himself that the general masses of Hogwarts would never see and the elements of himself that even Lily doesn't know about. Most of the things I knew about him were rumors or somethings, either Lily or the Marauders would say then there were what I've observed. I wanted to be the only person to know who the real Severus Snape. 

That might be wishful thinking, it would be less than likely for it to happen as much as it hurts to think about. 

Blinking out of my thoughts, the boy who was in mind had stood in front of me, looking intently. "(Y/N)." He nods. As we stood side by side now, we walked in sync towards the entryway to meet with the gang. Unfortunately, Hogwarts had always had a mind of its own; it was a living castle, had decided during the winter holiday to go about with mischief. From the top of the large wooden double doors hung mistletoe just inches above our heads. Everybody knows the tradition with the plant, couples who pass beneath it were to kiss, but refusing is said to be bad luck. Unlike common mistletoe, this one had an enchant on it, I heard from recent rumors. Its sudden appearance was no coincidence. Stories I've been told, it only appears to those who should be together and those who will be together—what a mischievous thing. Despite how I somewhat hate the whole thing, I was also given a semblance of hope. If it had appeared before us, it had to be a sign, right? There was no way it'd just suddenly pop out of the blue if it wasn't. This had to be a sign; it just had to be right; it just had to be. There it is again hope. 

Anyway, I should just focus on the situation at hand, then these sad thoughts. The spell on the mistletoe, as I said, mainly forces both parties to participate. Still, if either person refuses, then they are both rendered in place, unable to move from that spot. Gets the job done, though. People just about always cave-in, so there's absolutely no point in avoiding the inevitable. Doesn't mean that people still don't try to protest against the involuntary situation. 

Slowly I glanced over at Snape to see his reaction to our current predicament. His eyes were trained hard on the hanging plant while his jaw was clenched. It looked like he was attempting to burn the mistletoe from his cold stare, which tells me everything I needed to know. He did not like this, not one bit. There was a part of me inside that felt a pang of hurt at the sight of this, it was foolish to think he'd like me. With a heavy heart, I turned my attention to the ground, no longer wanting to look at the boy next to me. 

However, unbeknownst to me, his heart was pounding, and the tips of his ears were a flushed pink tint hidden by his long dark locks. It wasn't that the Slytherin was upset about their situation per se. It was the fact he felt more embarrassed, but he wouldn't show that. Perhaps if it was a different moment, things would have gone in the opposite direction than where it's going right now.

"Haha! I see Hogwarts decided to prey on you two." Sirius sneered as he approached us from behind with Pettigrew following his heels. "Perfect couple, I'd say." My cousin was just relishing this moment, considering he didn't precisely like neither Severus nor me. Always such an arse. He began to stroke at his chin, pretending there was an imaginary beard. "If you look at it this way, though, this might be the only girl you'd ever get the closest to ever being intimate with Snivellus!" My body began to shake with an indescribable rage, hearing whatever was pouring from Sirius's mouth. I was not going to let it slide. Even if I am stuck in one position, it doesn't change the fact I could still win a duel against him or cast a simple hex on him as punishment.

"Sirius shut the hell up. I might be rooted in place, but it won't stop me from kicking your ass. " My (e/c) orbs were burning straight into my cousin's gray ones. The pompous ass shifted slightly, showing he was somewhat afraid and knew that I'd carry out such a threat. "Calm down. I was only kidding, no harm is done there, no need to get all pissy cousin." His throat bobbed as he swallowed nervously, attempting to just brush things off. "That's not a joke, you're obviously not a comedian Sirius because none of your 'jokes' are even remotely funny. Not to mention, you promised all of us you'd stop calling Severus Snivellus." Somehow I managed to get Lily, who began dating a more mature James Potter, to forgive Severus. He promised along with the rest of Marauders to stop bullying the Slytherin and to call him by his name and not the stupid nickname 'Snivellus.' Albeit only two of them actually tormented him, Remus never bullied him but would only standby as his friends torture Severus. Peter would just follow them around, he was always a follower. The rat-faced boy would support just about anyone powerful and smarter than himself, he'd side with the winning team. "Old habits die hard?" The Black boy shrugged. Old habits die hard, my ass. 

"Hey! Why are you guys just standing around over there for? Time is slipping by, you know! We still have to discuss tonight!" Lily shouted as she walked over with the rest of the Marauders. "Looks like they both got caught in the castle's holiday mischief," Remus announced, clarifying the confusion on the situation. "Wait, what do you mean?" Lily's brow knitted together, puzzled by her friend's words. "You might have never noticed, but Hogwarts is a living castle that often enjoys causing mischief. You could tell how the stairs are always changing, trying to lose students through multiple levels and corridors." The castle thoroughly enjoys confusing first-year students by this method. House prefects would probably spend the first month or so until first-years could finally navigate their way around. "For Christmas, when two students that should be with each other pass through a doorway, a mistletoe will appear above them. However, this isn't an ordinary one but an enhanced one. The moral of the story is you need to carry out the tradition of kissing whoever you pass beneath it with. If you don't, then you're just stuck standing in place until both people cave in." James piped in with a nonchalant shrug. Once the redhead fully grasped the newfound knowledge, a devilish smile formed on her lips. Oh, Stars. 

"This is so stupid." Severus hissed under his breath. Both of us felt embarrassed about the situation. Still, it just escalated being surrounded by people we were relatively close to. "Unfortunately, there's no alternative. You might as well just go through and be done with it." Remus was blunt about the situation but felt sympathetic towards the duo. "Severus, I know that it's less than ideal, but um let's just do it, then we can just pretend it never happened." I murmur, and it hurt to say it. There was just no way he'd like me, and there's no way he'd willingly kiss me. Hogwarts is just a trickster bitch, playing with my feelings.

Despite this being the less ideal situation, I could just pretend and savor this long-awaited dream of mine. "Fine," he sighed in defeat. Taking a quick deep breath, I looked up at the ravenette to see him looking down at me with those beautiful eyes. Honestly, I didn't want to look away from them. Still, my eyes just naturally closed as we leaned closer to one another until our lips collided. If I thought I knew what magic was all along, I definitely knew it at this moment. This magic felt raw and intense, unlike anything I've ever felt before. The softness of his lips was the only thing I could focus on feeling. We stood close enough that I could make out what he smelled like herbs and earth similar to when we were in potions and herbology, a certain kind of musk, sweat, and a hint of what I detect to be mint. It was so addicting how he invades my senses and how he could cause my heart to beat wildly, all while leaving this heat in the pit of my stomach. My lashes fluttered as he pulled back, it felt like a dream. It felt like time itself stopped, and we were the only two people around.

Until the spell was broken when Sirius and Peter sang 'Sitting in a Tree.' Tingling sensations jolted across my skin, and my breath felt heavy just from a short kiss, but it was the best kiss I've ever had. Severus' breathing was faster as well, and his cheeks were dusted in light pink. The two dumber part of the boy group made Sev scowl, his expression turned into a harsh one, and it was clear he was going to march away from here. "Please don't go, Sev," I whispered softly with pleading eyes as I grabbed his wrist. The sudden action caught him off guard, he didn't know how to react as he looked down at me with an indescribable expression. "You two arses! Stoping playing around!" Lily scolded the singing pair, giving them both a hard slap on the back of their heads. "How about we all just sit down and discuss how we're going to be meeting up? So, let's stop wasting time."

James was just ready to get this over with. He and Lily didn't want to continually have to babysit after his best friend and Peter. Now that Severus and I were able to move, we relocated to some free benches in the central courtyard. "Alright, so we'll all be meeting up near Gryffindor Tower by "the one-eyed, hump-backed witch" statue by 10:40," James announced as he looked at a pamphlet know as the Marauder's Map. "So, it's not some sort of fancy-schmancy party, casual attire. From what I was made aware, they have definitely covered the drinks, and there might be snacks, I can't recall." Lily tapping her bottom lip as she started thinking, making sure she didn't leave any details out. "(Y/N), the boys and I will be meeting you, girls, by the statue-" Sirius cuts Lupin off. "Because girls take for-fucking-ever to get ready!" Lily leaned over and smacked the back of his head. "OW! Jesus, Lils." His hands cradled the sore spot. I snort as I looked the pitiful boy, he never knows when to just shut up. "Sounds like a plan." I hummed. Lily jumped up and linked her arms with mine, "we'll see you, boys, later~." 

"First, let's go over to Gryffindor Tower to get my clothes and your surprise." So, that's where we went first, Lily snuck me into their common room, and I have to say that it's very homey but still grand. I didn't examine all the fine details as I was dragged to Lily's dorm room, it was shared with three other girls. None of whom were there as they decided to spend the holiday back with their families. The redhead began rummaging through her belongings, throwing clothes all over the place until she found an outfit that caught her eye. It was an effortless but cute outfit consisting of a dusty pink sweater, an adorable plaid skirt that matches the top and gray knee-high boots that pulls the whole [ look ](https://tinyurl.com/y9gwubux) . "Now that I got my fit for tonight, you get your surprise." There it was, that devilish grin that had me on edge. This time she went under her bed, coming back up with a black box, setting it down on my lap. "Go ahead and open it." I looked at her warily, then the box and back at her before sighing and opening up the mysterious box. "What the hell is this, Lily!?" My whole face was bright red, and my heart was just attempting to thrash its way out of my chest. What laid inside the box was a red lingerie set, a bondage-belle crop [ top ](https://tinyurl.com/ycavuw49) with a little bow in the center, and a matching pair of [ panties ](https://tinyurl.com/yagrr529) . This was what I had to wear?! "Oh, oops. That's the wrong box, this one is for me." She winked as she pushed it aside and reached under her bed, pulling out an identical box to the one I opened. "This one should be yours!" I did not want to open this box after the first one. "I don't even know if I want to now after that," I murmur as I placed the package on my lap, hesitant to open it. Exhaling deeply I opened it up and surprise, surprise it was another lingerie set but in black. The [ cups ](https://tinyurl.com/y7affsnu) were a soft double layer of mesh that felt amazing, and it very strappy.

Under it were the panties, or should I say [ thong ](https://tinyurl.com/ybxsep7b). It was also of a mesh material, but it wasn't as layered as the top. However, it also just as strappy with a circle being the middle connector. I didn't mind the bra so much, it was cute, and even the thong was, but seeing it how revealing it was, my heart jumped to my throat. "Lils, can you tell me why in the Gods' names you want me to wear this?! More importantly, why did you even get me this?!" Lily wasn't taking me seriously as she was just laughing at my reaction. "Oh, calm down! Let's call it my Christmas gift to you so you can give a certain boy the best Christmas ever." She stuck her tongue out at me. Give a certain boy the best- oh my Gods. Severus. She was talking about Severus and me. Stars.

Lily and the rest of the world is just trying to push us together. Honestly, I'm secretly happy that it seems we were made for each other, but I don't know if he feels the same. "Anyway, we gotta get you an outfit now! I'm also going to make sure you wear my gift also." Like we did to get in Gryffindor Tower, I had snuck in my friend, taking her to my bedding area. "Man, Ravenclaw's place is a dreamland. I feel kind of jealous you get to see that beauty all the time, but then again, I love the feeling of home from my house," she mused. This time I ransack my trunk, looking for a cute yet a covering outfit to wear over the intimates.

Eventually, I found a lovely light gray sweater and a darker gray suede sleeveless flare [ dress ](https://tinyurl.com/yagyq79r)that I paired black thigh-high tights and black ankle boots. I was thankful that the gown was long enough for someone to see I was wearing this thong. Once we were dressed, Lily and I did a slight amount of makeup. We threw on our robes before heading back to Gryffindor Tower to the one-eyed statue, already seeing the boys were waiting. "Finally! Took you, girls, long enough." Sirius grumbled when he saw us approaching. Lily and I decided we'd ignore him just this once. "You look beautiful, Lils."

James inspected his girlfriend before leaning in and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "You look quite charming, (Y/N)" Remus blushed, giving me a sweet compliment. Ratface was eyeing me, drooling even until Sirius punched his arm. "Stop drooling over my cousin!" Severus stood silently, just an arm's length away from the group, feeling uncomfortable. I drink in his attire; it was an entirely black ensemble turtleneck, blazer, trousers, socks, and shoes; it was all black. The color suited him, though, but it wouldn't hurt to see another color on him either. While James and Remus worked on opening the hidden passage that the statue covered, I inched closer to Severus. "You look handsome, Severus." My compliment seemed to have caught him off guard for a moment, his cheeks were pink. "...You look lovely." He complimented back in a more hushed tone. "Thank you. I'm happy you came, Sev." So far everything is going well, I'm over the moon that he came and I wanted to use tonight as an opportunity to get closer to him.

"Alright, ladies and lads, the entrance is open," James called out as he slides through the opening that was now accessible. Lily went next, getting help from James with Remus overlooking. After she was Peter, who somehow stumbled and faceplanted his way into the passage. Poor bloke. Just as Remus was about to help me pass, Sirius decided it was his turn as he wormed and pushed his way in front of me. "Stars Sirius. You're an impatient mong with no manners," I hissed as I was helped next this time, and once I got through, I gave a hard punch to my cousin's shoulder. "Bloody hell. You girls hit hard. Talk about abusive." He rubbed his shoulder. Snape went in next, and Remus was last, sealing the passageway entrance behind him. "You should really learn to just shut up and behave, Sirius," Remy sighed. "Worm tail does a way better job at behaving than you, Padfoot. If you keep this up, we might just leave you outside, boy," James laughs, teasing the dog Animagi who growled in response. Once we reached the end of the passage, we had found ourselves in the cellar of Honeydukes, so we needed to sneak our way out. Well, it turns out it was quite easy to slip out of the sweetshop. Our destination was a shed by some building close to Hog's Head, there we should be meeting with a bouncer that'd take us in. James went ahead of us, knocking a sort of pattern on the metal door, which opened swiftly. Behind the door was a Gryffindor male that looked familiar, I think I have a class with him? "Theo, go and show em the way down," the bouncer motioned his head in the direction of a Hufflepuff guy named Theo. "This way." He leads us at the end of the shed, moving some rug to reveal a trapdoor. "Party is down there, mind your steps when you descend. Enjoy mates." He grins, holding the hatch open for us as we made our descent. It was relatively dark, the only light we had was a low glowing red from cracks above our heads as we walked forward. As we delved further in, music was getting louder and louder.

Soon enough, we could make out other colored lights and the silhouettes of dancing and talking shadows. "Hey! You guys made it!" One of Lily's best friends from her house, I think her name was Mary, walked over, welcoming us. "Of course we would, we wouldn't miss this! Tonight we're celebrating!" Lily giggled as she hugged her friend. Mary looks over at us, brown eyes scanning across each face until she saw Severus that when she grimaced. "Anyway, let's get your robes stored away." Mary called over a Ravenclaw male by the name of 'Ewing,' which was an unusual name. Ewing gathered our robes, taking them away to who knows where. "Well, you guys enjoy yourselves. The kitchen is over on the right there, plenty of drinks, and some snacks lying around. Oh, and the bathroom is over on the left side," he pointed where each of the rooms was before he wrapped an arm around Mary, leaving us to our own devices. "Well, I'm going to get plastered." Sirius patted our backs before scurrying off to the kitchen. "I'm going to look after him and make sure he doesn't cause any trouble," Remus murmur as he follows after the reckless boy with Peter tagging along. Poor Remy always stuck having to be the responsible one.

This left James, Lily, Sev, and me to figure out what to do. After enough standing around and pushing pass fellow classmates, we found a dark purple sofa pushed against the wall in the living room. "I'm going to go grab a drink, do you want one, Lils?" James asked his girlfriend, who nodded. "Yes, please. Thank you, love." The Gryffindor then turned to me "(Y/N) you want something?' I wasn't entirely sure, so I just gave a shrug, but he took it as a yes from its looks. On the couch, Severus sat on the end, resting against the arm as it was clear he wasn't the most comfortable in this situation, and next to him was Lily and then me. "Hey, Sev, I'm going to borrow (Y/N) here real quick. I hope you don't mind sitting here alone for a few quick minutes." He just silently nods as he watched his childhood friend drag off her best friend. We didn't stop until we reached a corner out of Snape's earshot. "I'm not going to necessarily force you to do anything, but this is your perfect opportunity to get closer to Sev." She wasn't wrong. This is perhaps one of the rare opportunities I could do with the ravenette outside of when we are studying or meeting with the dueling club and slug club. "You're right, but just let me do it at my own pace!" Lily sighed then nods before we head back to the sofa in time that James had returned. "Here are your drinks, ladies." He had passed us both red plastic cups full of their own liquid. I swirled the cup in my hand and examined the brown liquid in it curiously before taking a timid sip. The taste was sweet, very much like chocolate, but I could taste the alcohol in it quite easily; the strong after taste was swallowed down harshly with a grimace. 

Chocolate liqueur. Somehow Lily managed to convince me to take a few sips of her amber drink and stars did it burn going down. Her drink had a sort of spice to it and definitely a kick; this made me grimace even worse and made me shake my head. "What the hell was that?" I stuck my tongue out, my tastebuds hating me. The Gryffindor couple laughed at my reaction, "its a cinnamon firewhisky." Gods, that was terrible. I don't think I can really handle the taste of alcohol, but I think tonight I'm going to need just a few drinks—liquid courage. Rapidly blinking away the forming tears caused by the unforgiving liquids, I scanned the dance floor.

In the center, I saw a familiar face that made my breath hitch in my throat. "Chandler." As if he could hear someone call his name over the loud music and ongoing conversations around him, he looked up at me. Beside me, a quiet dark-haired boy noticed how I was looking at the central floor, which piqued his interest in why I was so focused. Black eyes narrowed as he saw what or should he say who had my attention, it was some guy, and he was walking towards the group lounging on the sofa. Snape didn't understand why he felt so angry, so jealous. He just did as his fingers sunk into the couch, more than likely leaving physical evidence of his jealously.

"Is that you petite (N/N)?" My cheeks flushed upon hearing my old childhood nickname. "Yes, it's me, Chandler. It's been a really long time, hasn't it?" Chandler Veilleux, an old friend from my younger years when I lived in France. I never thought I'd see him again, and yet here he was a grown man way different from the boy I grew up with. His skin was beautifully sun-kissed as if the massive star of hot plasma had given him delicate kisses. The only other person I thought was incredibly tall was Hagrid. Chandler might come in a close second with how tall he was, and let's not forget how muscular he is. He also had raven hair, which I found funny, considering that the only other boy I've ever liked had dark locks. I think it's clear I easily fall for guys with locks of ebony. However, unlike Severus, his eyes were out of the ordinary. His left eye was amber while the right was a pale blue, but the center seemed to be barely seeping amber. I believe it was called Heterochromia though he wasn't born with it, I could scarcely remember the accident he had that caused it. It didn't make him any less of an Adonis, though.

My younger years were embarrassing around him because I'd always stick around him and try to please him and smile. There was no doubt that he knew I was deeply infatuated with him, but he never once said anything. "Hey '(N/N),' are you going to introduce all of us to your friend here?" Lily teased, making me flush. "Oh.. Oh! Right, sorry. Ahem. This is an old childhood friend of mine from when I lived in France before moving out here. Chandler Veilleux." I felt awkward and even more embarrassed as I introduced my friends to the sun-kissed giant. "Chandler, these are my friends Lily Evans, James Potter, and Severus Snape." Chandler and both the Gryffindors had seemed to get along quite well, but it wasn't the same with the Slytherin as he had a dark look and a scowl on his face. It made the air a little uncomfortable, no one really said anything for a moment. "Uh, so anyway, (N/N), do you want to dance?" Oh, man, his smile was radiate. "Sure, I-I'm not the world's best dancer or anything, though." I squeaked as he leads me to the center of the dance floor. 

"Oh man, that chandler guy is pretty hot, sorry, James, I had to say it. He does seem like a pretty nice guy, though." Lily breaking the silence that fell between her, James, and Severus after the two childhood friends left. "Too bad you're not going anywhere near him, Lils. You're all mine. I do agree with you though he seems pretty alright." James hugged the redhead against his chest, agreeing with her. "Who are you guys talking about?" Ever since they had arrived at the party, they had not seen the rest of the marauders until now. "Welcome back, Padfoot, got kicked out of the kitchen, eh? Anyway, we talked about that tall guy over there with (Y/N)," James pointed, showing Sirius who they were discussing. His drink slipped from his hand. "Oh shit, you mean Chandler? He's here? Never thought I'd see that bloke again." Sirius frowned. It seemed that Sirius had also known the guy who swept their Ravenclaw friend away.

"Wait, you know him too?" Lily looked up. Sirius shrugged and wedged his way onto the sofa, resting his arm behind his friends' backs. "Oh yeah. (Y/N) had the biggest crush on him, it was pretty funny, to be honest. Everyone knew about it too, and I'm sure he didn't say anything to her so he wouldn't hurt her feelings. I dunno why he didn't, since he wouldn't have had to be annoyed by her. Whatever, I guess." The Black boy leaned over to the table in front of them, picking up a random plastic cup and downing whatever was it contained. "How come we've never seen him then?" James raised a brow, looking at his best friend. "Prongs, mates about two years older than us. He graduated before our first year, so I am surprised to see him here as well. Although he was pretty popular." At this point, Severus couldn't take being around here, and the nonstop talk about this Chandler guy how in love you were with him or how great he was. It bothered him to know you were with an old crush superior to him in every way he'd never be.

How incredibly good looking he is, how much of a just person he's praised for being, and how well-liked he was. This made him believe that there was no way you could ever love someone like him. So he stormed off somewhere where he could be by himself, which happened to be in some corner loveseat near the bathroom. Maybe it was punishment for the past years of being such a sadistic and cruel person, but it was still cruel that fate had given him a small semblance of hope hours prior. "What's got Snivellus' panties in a twist?" Sirius scoffs after the angry mass of black had left. "Sirius, shut up." Lily hissed as she jumped off the seat in search of her friend. James had bonked his best friend hard on the head who cried out in response. "You just never learn, Padfoot." It didn't take so long for Lily to find Severus alone on an old loveseat. She sat down beside her friend, who silently stared at the space between his feet. 

Chandler had dragged me over to the center of the living room's makeshift dancefloor. I'm not going to lie; I am not the best nor the most graceful dancer. I actually don't even know if I have a single bone of rhythm as embarrassing and unfortunate as it is. Here's to looking like an idea to my old crush, my peers, and my friends. However, it seemed Chan didn't mind, so it made me feel better as we danced to the beat of the music, finding a rhythm. Although it's nice to see the French Adonis, I couldn't help but just think about my friends. About Severus. When I glanced up to check up on them, Severus stormed off, and eventually, Lily followed after him.

Based on James hitting Sirius on the head, the dumbass said something that upset the brooding male. I just hope that everything is okay with them. "Everything alright petite (N/N)?" It was like he knew something was on my mind, but I didn't know if I wanted to share. "No..Everythings, okay." I smiled. He stopped dancing and looked down at me seriously, "it's about that guy who was scowling at me earlier, isn't it?" We stood there amongst dancing bodies, out of place. "Yes... it's about Sev." I whispered, biting my lip. He ushered me to the kitchen where we'd grab a drink, sit, and talk.

"So, I can assume you like him, huh?" Chandler leaned against the counter with his arms crossed. Saying it aloud and letting other people know I like the Slytherin makes me embarrassed. It gives me an odd tingling sensation in my chest that I just cannot describe. "You assumed correctly... I really like him," a sigh escapes me as I idly trace my finger around the rim of my cup. The only thing I could really feel right now was a deep despairing feeling while being numb at the same time. Whether it was caused by my insecurity or the alcohol didn't matter.

"Hey, look at me." A giant rough hand takes the cup from me before engulfing my hands, making me look up at my friend. Mismatching eyes gazed intently into my (e/c) eyes, my nerves felt like they were on fire as he felt so close to me. "You're different from when we last saw one another. I'm glad to see who've you've become a beautiful, considerate, intelligent, sensitive woman. Don't let your insecurities and negative thoughts let you think otherwise, but if you can't, you seem to have a supportive group of friends with you to help. Anyone would be lucky to have you, and anyone with a head between their shoulders should be envious of not being with you. I don't know the nature of the relationship you both have, but it's undeniable you two like each other, so maybe you should talk to him." His thumbs brushed under my eyes, which I couldn't process why until I saw them glisten. I was crying, and I hadn't even realized it. "Thank you, Channy." I sniffled as I covered my hands over his, squeezing them. With that, he pulled me against his chest, embracing me and rubbing circles on my back. "Listen, if things don't work out with that Severus guy, write to me. I wouldn't mind taking a chance." He smiled down at me before bending down, giving my cheek a chaste kiss. In a blink of an eye, the sun-kissed man was gone like he was never there. This was my cue that I should go back to my friends, they all should still be in the back on the couch.

All of the Marauders were there; the only people missing asides myself is Lily and Severus. As I approached the group of guys, I saw Wormtail staggering and seeming to rely on the air to hold him up. "Wormtail, you might wanna sit down, mate," James coolly suggests to the intoxicated ratlike boy. To be expected, Pettigrew ended up tripping over the table, knocking cups over with a low groan chasing after them. "Warmtail ish shittin' dwon noun," Peter slurred before passing out. James did tell him to sit down. On the opposite end of the couch where Sirius and Remus were settled. The former male was three sheets to the wind, cuddling up to Remus, the only real responsible guy.

"Remmy," my cousin whines at his friend, who exhales deeply, giving him a wary look. "What is it, Sirius?" The plastered male sat up with an erratic, goofy smile. "Due- do you retmember hour fourth ear?" Immediately Remus' face turned bright red. "remember wae wetn ooout for a week, fingering oot my sexualtidy?" Oh, Gods, he's really bringing this up. Sirius is going to definitely regret mentioning this again, especially when he's sozzled. However, at this moment, he just did not give a single care in the world as he continued.

"Becafuse I wash confused mif I linked James, so wee went out. Howedver, it tuyrns out it washnt four me. You werze a glreat kisser tough." What was funny about this was the only two people had known at the time, me and surprisingly Peter. At the end of their trial dating period, Sirius's confusion was solved, finding out his answer. The two remained good friends and vowed not to speak of the situation again. Until about later that year or the next, James made a joke that revealed their secret. For a while, it was sort of awkward for the trio, but they were all good friends, so they pulled through it. "Think we should be going," Remus murmurs, shifting his attention anywhere but his cuddle buddy. The Lycan was right, though, seeing that two of the four boys were just wholly inebriated. It was best to get them in bed for their own safety and avoid any further destruction and embarrassment to themselves and others. With a groan, the Gryffindor chaser hopped up, "alright, I'll go get Lils and Severus, then we can go." After a few quick minutes, he returned with the redhead and ravenette.

"You got Sirius, I'll help Wormtail." Once each of the males had one of the drunkards in their holds, we set off back the way we came. On the move again, I felt so out of place this time as I walked by myself, not having someone to converse with. Lily and Severus took the lead while the Marauders followed us from the back, whispering to one another. When we are back in Hogwarts, we stood outside of the statue of Gunhilda von Gorsemoor, sealing behind the passage once more. "I'm glad you both came tonight!" Lily smiles at Severus and me. "Yeah, we're glad you guys decided to join us. Anyway, you guys have a good night and are safe getting back to your rooms. We need to put these idiots to bed. We'll see you all later, though." James gave a grin before making his way to their common room, but before the redhead girl followed, she mouthed something I couldn't make out, leaving me puzzled. "Ahem. I'm also glad you came tonight, too, Sev." Although it was unfortunate, I barely got to spend any time with him like I would have preferred, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. He doesn't say anything though, he just looks intently at me for what seemed to be an eternity before giving a small nod. Well, this is awkward now, isn't it? For some reason, ever since Chandler came up to me, the black engulfed male just refused to talk to me, and I'm confused as to why and not to mention it hurt. So much for Lily's Christmas gift. "I... I guess I'll see you later then Severus. Take care and have a good night, okay?" Tonight wasn't that great. It didn't go the way I wanted to or what I expected it to after this morning. Everything just felt like a setup to give me a sense of false hope to hurt me, and you know what? It did. Being met with the typical silence, I took it as my cue to just leave, and as I started to walk away, but as I did out of the corner of my eye, I saw a mass of black moving in tow with me. "I'll walk with you," Severus finally saying something. Echoes of our footsteps were the only thing that fills the silent void, neither one of us daring to speak, neither one of us sure on what to say.

"That... Chandler... an old friend?" Severus breaking the silence once more though his question was somewhat harsh, especially how venomous his tone was saying Chan's name. "Uh, yeah. Chan's my childhood friend." His jaw clenched, and his expression was dark. "I see," he hissed through grit teeth. Our conversation made me slightly uncomfortable and on edge since I didn't know what brought this up. "While you were whisked away by _prince charming_ , Sirius came over and said something rather... interesting." Damn that git. What Sirius has to say about anything is seldom anything pleasant or helpful. I'll have to kill him later. Wetting my lips, my voice wavered as I replied, "oh... what might that be?" My walking companion came to a halt, which caused me to do the same, notching how hard he was staring at the ground. When he didn't continue our conversation, I stepped closer to him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay, Severus?" This seemed to snap him out of his trance, his eyes met with mine still holding that hard look in them.

"Why did you even ask me to go to this party with you? Was it some joke? A trick to play with me? Giving me a false sense of hope and security?! TELL ME AM I JUST A GAME TO YOU?" I did not expect the ordinarily quiet and distant boy to just explode like that, especially at me. As I stared at him wide-eyed, I slowly realized the tears that had started to build up before slipping down my cheeks. The Slytherin continued to stare down at me, breathing hard with his fists balled up. His gaze wavered just a moment as he saw my tears, but he still stood firm. Before this moment, I don't think I've ever felt my heart clench this tightly and painfully before. A choked sob escapes me unwillingly. I shakily brought a hand to his cheek, caressing it like I always wanted and dreamed of doing. "I wanted you to be there with me tonight, our last Christmas at Hogwarts," my true feelings began to escape me as I could no longer hold it nor hide it from him. 

This just might be it. "You think that you're just a game or someone to mess with honestly breaks my heart, Severus. I could never do that, especially to you. You... you mean so much to me more than you could ever comprehend." My hand slipped down his cheek, falling back to my side, and his eyes finally changed into a more surprised look. "I'm sorry, Snape." I guess this was it, it wasn't meant to be. There was no doubt I looked pitiful at this moment. I don't think I could handle any further embarrassment by having a complete breakdown in front of him, so I ran wherever my feet would take me. As I ran, I let my walls crumble, not caring about how ugly I might look or how loud my wailing might have been. My robes became a tissue to wipe away loose tears, smearing makeup, and any snot that might have run down. Nothing mattered to me at this point.

Everything was a blur around me; I canceled everything out, including the rapid footsteps chasing after me. There had to be somewhere I could just escape, anywhere to be alone to just wallow in all myself pity. A large double door appeared as if my prayers were answered. It had to be the Room of Requirement, and by the Gods, did I require this. I burst into the room, and as soon as I stormed into the door, the doors were slammed open. Glancing at whoever was at the gates, I felt even worse. It was Severus he was breathing heavily, red in the face, and his beautiful black locks were disheveled. Why was this happening to me? What did I do for this night to just go so south? My body curled into itself, trying to disappear to appear smaller. My knees were pressed against my chest with my arm wrapped around it as I had rocked back and forth. "(Y/N)," the usual calm, sarcastic voice I loved so much was soft, quiet, and hoarse. Soon enough, I was engulfed in a warm embrace, slowly intoxicated by a mixture of earthy herbal aromas, male sweat, and mint. Severus. After a moment in his embrace, my fingers clenched a fist full of his robes, pulling him closer against me. Neither one of us said anything, we both sat on the ground in each other's hold. His head was buried against my neck, his hair tickling me, but what I froze when I heard a soft, "I'm sorry." That's when I looked up, bringing my hands to his cheeks so that we were staring at one another face-to-face. Severus' breath hitched in his throat as we looked at one another, his eyes were full of something that looked like regret. More tears slipped down my cheek which he wiped away with his thumbs, it was clear to me he felt terrible but didn't know how to express himself or talk about it. I wouldn't hold it against him. "Most of what I've done is to be closer to you, Severus. I'd do anything to be near you, anything to see you, to hold you, to talk to you at the very least. You mean so much, you mean the world to me. I'd never want to hurt you, you could break my heart, and I'd... I'd still love you." I whispered softly, finally telling him how I felt. 

Hearing those words, Severus immediately froze up, he couldn't comprehend it, he couldn't believe it that someone that you loved him- no, loves him. His body moved on its own, not giving him a second moment to think about what to do, his lips were pressed against a small pair, the same couple he had kissed hours ago, the same ones he enjoyed. Just as Severus was about to pull away and apologize for his sudden movement, small delicate fingers weave through his dark locks. They pulled him back, and the lips he was pressed against moved in tandem with his. There was absolutely no way this was real; it felt too good to be true. He'll wake up in bed soon enough, proving it was all a dream. 

Except he doesn't. It was anything but a dream and Gods were both of the teenagers were happy. Soon enough, they both pulled back, pressing their heads together as they inhaled as much air as they needed. 

"Do... do you really mean it?" He hesitantly asks, needing to believe he didn't hear things. Like a magnet, I felt drawn into his lips, showering him with chaste kisses to let him know that he wasn't dreaming, he didn't hear things, and that I had meant every word. Severus was hesitant for the first few seconds before we exchanged soft-lipped, and open-mouthed kisses. I pulled back again, pressing my head against him, looking at his beautiful onyx eyes. We were only a breath away from one another, the only sort of distance I wanted to ever exist between us. "I do—every single word. I'd remind you every day for the rest of my life that I love you so much." Snape's face went red at my words, and it made me happy that I had such an effect on him, it brought warmth to my chest. I leaned into him further, pressing feather-like kissing down his cheek to his jaw all the way to his neck. The reaction Sev gave was pure music. His breathing increased, and I could tell he was holding his breath at moments, trying to keep quiet, not wanting to be vocal as he found it embarrassing. It was adorable, and I'm glad to be the one to bring this out of him and be the only one to see this.

Between all these kisses, I felt a heat pooling in the pit of my stomach. My nether regions began to convulse with growing wetness, pulsating. As soon as my teeth lightly grazed his neck, he lets a groan spill out, making the ache between my legs beg for attention. Before I knew it, our lips had collided, making me gasp and boy did Severus take this as an opportunity to slip his tongue in my mouth. Both of our tongues sliding and twirling around one another, we were hungry for one another. We both wanted more. "Sev, please," I moaned softly against his lips, "I want you. I want to give you every part of me." When those words left my lips, there was no going back, and by the Gods, I didn't want to go back. This is a night to remember and to cherish.

Once we broke our kiss, we took off and threw our robes onto the ground as a makeshift blanket. My ankle boots were kicked off, abandoned just a few feet away as I crawled onto the center of our robe blanket. Severus knelt at the edge of the makeshift sheet. Looking at me with those dark eyes, they looked so intense than I've ever seen before, and I felt myself involuntarily shiver and squirm under his gaze. The ravenette crawled closer to me, his hands rested on either side of my hips, "are you sure about this..? Tell me to stop, and I'll stop right now. Before it'll be too late for me too." It was sweet of Severus to make sure this is what I wanted and if it was okay. I brought my hands to his cheeks, stroking them softly before weaving my way to his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Immediately his hands went to my hips, holding me down as he pressed up against me, making me notice his bulge poking against me. His nimble fingers worked their way down, reaching the hem of my dress until he finds my thigh, rubbing the plump, soft flesh. The touch felt electrifying, but it wasn't enough.

I needed to get out of these clothes, but what I wore underneath made me feel shy. I didn't know how he'd react to my apparel. "Sev... Severus," I breathed heavily as I pulled back a bit, seeing a frustrated yet confused look on my partner. I couldn't help but giggle at his expression. My fingers shakily reach for the hem of my overdress, pulling it off in one fluid motion revealing the black thong that was more than soaked by now. Severus' mouth was agape for a moment as he drunk in my messy appearance; hair semi out of place, tights still on, and my grey sweater, and now seeing how damp my light mesh underwear was. Those same nimble hands held my hips and caressed my thighs suddenly made their way back, tracing my skin before reaching the sides of my butt, which he gave a firm squeeze. Feeling lightheaded, I didn't notice Severus, pulling my sweater off, exposing the lingerie Lily gifted me. Everything felt like I was on hyperdrive, but on the same token on autopilot, I didn't know what he was thinking. Still, I knew his breath hitched in his throat and how his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. Compared to him, I felt so underdressed as he still had every piece of his black ensemble except for his shoes. As if he was reading my thoughts, he took off his blazer, followed by his turtleneck. It was clear once he had taken off the top portion of his clothing, he was feeling insecure as his arm pressed inwards. If there was one thing I knew about Sev, that he wouldn't openly admit to anyone, is that he does require validation and affirmation. Those were things I would be willing to do to get it across that nothing could change my feelings and that he's the only one for me.

"Sev, it's okay," I whispered softly with a smile as I pressed a chaste kiss against his soft lips. "This is completely out of my comfort zone and knowledge, but I know I don't have to worry or feel insecure because it's you, so I hope you can feel the same for me." At my words, it seemed he no longer felt tense, but instead renewed as he pulled me into another passionate kiss. During our kiss, he made quick work of my bra, which amazed me since it was a struggle to get on with all the straps. Once my top was off, I couldn't help but shiver at the cold air and how it affects my nipples, causing them to pebble. The brassiere was thrown into the growing pile of clothes. I was lowered down onto the robes, watching Severus above me as he examined my bare breasts and how my chest would rise and fall with each breath. An eternity must have passed before his hands were at my breast, massaging and kneading between his palms. Then his fingers began tracing my nipples before pinching them between his fingers. Watching Severus through lidded lashes, he leaned forward peppering kisses onto my breasts before his mouth latched onto one of my nipples. Unsure of where to put my hands, I fingered his dark locks that I gripped, pressing him closer to my chest. Eventually, he switched his attention to my other breast, giving it the same treatment, which managed to extract more moans out of me. This made me feel relaxed but very needy as I wanted more something to fix the throb I felt.

Unable to control myself, my hips began to grind into him, hoping it would spur the Slytherin. A groan left his lips at the stimulation, he was slightly annoyed with how impatient I must have been, but I was too eager to go all the way, to finally be one with him. "So impatient," he hissed as he pulled back, holding down my hips to stop my movements, making me let out a whine. "Look at what you've done." Lifting myself up with my elbows, I saw what he meant, at the crotch of his trousers, I saw a wet spot where I ground into him, showing just how wet I was. Once he understood what I'd done, he unbuckled his belt, pulling off his pants and boxers. Drool pooled in the back of my mouth as I saw his erection, it was long, not too thick, red hot, and pulsing. The tip was leaking with pre-cum; there was a part of me that wanted to lick it off, and there was the other part of me that wanted him to rub it against my folds, smearing it. All of those thoughts escape me as my slit quivered, being exposed to the cold air. In Severus' hand was my thong, dripping with my arousal, which made him smirk. "You're absolutely drenched, (Y/N)." His words sent shivers up my spine and a rush of heat across my cheeks. My knees quivered, pressing together as I rubbed my thighs together, squirming for release. I had to look pitiful in his eyes as I heard a soft chuckle escape him; it was heavenly to listen to. "Sev, please."

I cried, draping an arm across my face. Answering my pleads, his hand slipped between my legs, tracing my outer folds, spreading my juices. A gasp escapes me as a cold finger enters my wetness, I felt myself clench and pulse around his digit. He pumped his finger in and out of me, slowly working his way in deep, trying to prep me. Another finger enters me, stretching me open. There was a slight dulling pain from it, but it was soon overpowered from the building pleasure of his pumping digits.

Meanwhile, my legs had spread open on their own accord, I felt so disconnected from my body. My mind and body were no longer functioning as one collective unit. It didn't help when Severus' brought his thumb to my clit, rubbing in a circular motion with a certain amount of pressure that took me to heaven.

If my breathing could have gotten more cumbersome, it just did as his ministrations came to a halt, making me groan. As I was about to lift my head up to see what was happening, I fell back. Instead of the cold air and fingers, there was a hot breath at my entrance. Barely looking down, I saw Sev's mop of black hair as his head was between my legs. My back arched up as his hot tongue traced my entrance before slipping between my folds. I grabbed his head, tightly fisting his hair between my fingers as his mouth had licked, discovered, and suckled every inch between my legs. The warm, intense sensation I felt in the center of my body began to spread like wildfire until I could feel the increase of intensity through every inch of my body. It felt like a tidal wave, an earthquake of pleasure, and before I knew it like an overflowing dam, I broke. My eyes rolling to the back of my head, my body shaking with energy that just released like an explosion. Severus' remained in place, holding me down in place as he collected every bit of my climax, licking and savoring the taste before pulling his head away. Sweat was rolling down my back, and I saw a bead of sweat on Sev's forehead rolling down. He pulled me into a quick kiss, making me taste myself from his lips, it was semi-sweet and tangy. The dark-haired male pulled back once more, panting hard as he looked down with me with eyes clouded by lust. My (e/c) orbs couldn't help but wander down to his perfect length that throbbed, watching it made my pussy clenched in anticipation.

However, I felt nervous about taking it in. "Shh, relax, (Y/N)," he whispers, giving me a chaste kiss before I shyly laid back, slowly spreading my legs open. For a moment, nothing happened until I felt his tip pressed against my slit, just rubbing up and down, smearing his leaking pre-cum. As soon as he continued his ministration, I felt my wetness dripping between my legs, which made me relax. While his left hand held my leg down while rubbing soft circles into my flesh, he used his right, guiding his cock for my entrance. The entire length of his cock slowly pushed inside of me, the pain was surreal as I felt tears roll down my cheek. They have wiped away with soft kisses, "I'm in, just let me know when you're ready." The pain only lasted for a moment; it wasn't too bad, not like I imagined it to be. Still, it hurt. Swallowing thickly, I gave the nod to the Slytherin, "you can move now." Slowly he moved his hips, pushing his cock in and out little by little the pain was still there, dulling down to slight discomfort. Moans began to spill out of me, letting the male know he could increase his thrusts, they grew rougher and faster. The pleasure was the only thing I could feel, it was like the pain never existed. With each thrust, the build-up started growing.

I arched my back, moving my hips to meet Severus', the moans and the slapping of our skin was music. I could barely keep up as I watch him lower his face to my chest as he began to suck and bite at my boobs while slamming himself in and out of me. It was starting to get too intense as I felt closer to my climax, and I could tell Sev was close as I felt his cock twitching inside of me with every passing thrust. "Go-Gods, Severus. P-please don't stop! I-I'm almost there," I moan. He grunts in response as he continues his thrusts growing frantic and sloppy.

The tip of his length bumped against my cervix, making me see stars with every thrust. "S-Sev!" I moaned out, my toes curling, and my wall clamping down tightly on his length. With a final twitch, Severus reached his own climax, spurting white, hot cum inside of me. He continued thrusting, riding out the rest of his peak, which my walls milked. Once his thrusts stopped, he flopped down beside me, pulling me close to his chest, tucking my head under his chin. "I love you, Sev." I nuzzled into his chest, his finger twirling a lock of my hair. "I.. I love you too." He murmurs into my hair. 

"Oh, and Merry Christmas, Sev." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it was terrible! I'll try to work on Yearning next!  
> Plus, I also might work on another work, but yeah!  
> ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡ let me know how bad I did. 
> 
> Also if you couldn’t guess even if it isn’t explicitly mentioned Lily did *a lot* of meddling. ;)  
> 
> 
> Also, poor house-elves when they are going to wash the robes...  
> Please note I've never been drunk/tipsy, oh, and I'm still a virgin. So a reason to why this is soooo bad, okay, bye.  
> Enjoy or silently judge me and be very disappointed.  
> hugs and kisses, mwah  
> \- Sei


	9. First year: A swift end of the year | A summer wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resuming the story | did anyone ask for some terrible plot? 
> 
> Christmas break finally came to an end which means returning back home to Hogwarts. Seeing all our favorite professors, new friends, Lily, and even our favorite brooding bookworm.  
> First-year goes back much faster after the holiday though, coming to a swift end. That summer was the summer of cousin Narci's wedding, perhaps we could get some insight from her? After she is in an arranged marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with more terrible writing and cheesy plot.  
> Enjoy. Promise I haven't forgotten about this and Yearning!  
> Just terribly slow. Lemme know what you think. 
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> The lessons used I got from this website! All credit goes to them  
> https://www.hogwartsishere.com/

Just like how our break started, it came to a swift end, although at the time, it was painfully slow. It's funny how time can feel a specific way. I was looking forward to returning to Hogwarts. I missed classes, the castle grounds, and my friends. I wasn't looking forward to seeing a specific silent, brooding Slytherin bookworm of the name Severus Snape.

Not at all! 

Okay. 

Maybe I was looking forward to seeing Severus as soon as we've returned...

Our study sessions were my favorite since its the only time I ever spend with him. However, he probably doesn't share the same feelings as me.

That's okay, though... 

The school year is nearly over, our second year coming in tow. With that, I'll be eligible to join the Dueling Club, speaking of I'll have to talk with Professor Flitwick. Previously I had mentioned that the Charms Master was a known duelist champion who happens to be the club overseer and head of my house. Who else is better to ask for an apprenticeship on dueling than a former duelist champion? Well, Headmaster Dumbledore would be the perfect candidate to ask, but I can't exactly ask that of him now, can I? Professor Flitwick is good enough, that's all that matters. Perhaps if I am lucky, I might learn beyond what is taught within the club. He's the kindest, and among the most understanding professors, so I think my chances are high. Still, I wouldn't want to jinx it. 

I wonder if Severus and Lily intend to join something. Personally, I can say that quidditch does not seem like either one of their cup of tea. Lily doesn't seem to be much of a duelist, but Severus I could see joining the dueling club. It would be nice if he does consider joining. If we both join, we could spend more time together. For the most part, I already spend a lot of time around Lily. We usually soak our feet down at the Black Lake. She also happens to be my partner when our houses have classes together. Sometimes we meet at the library to study like how I'd meet with Severus. So I have no worries about not spending enough time with the redhead. It's the particular ravenette I want to get closer to. Still have six more years to do so. 

On our last day of Christmas break, I felt too ecstatic to fall asleep. Tomorrow I'd be on the train to Hogwarts with my best friend. Since Severus stayed at the castle for the break, it'll just be Lils and me. More quality girl time. It'll be nice to hear about her holiday, which had to be better than mine. Of course, I had received gifts, plenty to be frank, but it lacked spirit. Everything during the celebration was fake. Proud relatives that avoided one another every other day of the year except for this day. They'd give false pleasantries and smiles while boasting of whatever they could. So I was sure lily had a better holiday. I'm happy for her, at least someone deserved a good time.

Although the time spent with my family is always less than ideal, I was grateful for the beautiful gifts I received. The present that stood out the most was a beautiful book. The tome's context was rather particular and peculiar as it was on Nicolas Flamel. In the Muggle world, he is a famed French scribe and manuscript-seller with a reputation as an alchemist. However, Flamel was much more than that. Indeed he is a famed alchemist but also a spectacular wizard. The latter is perhaps overshadowed as he is the renowned maker of the Philosopher's Stone. The stone is a legendary alchemical substance with incredible powers sought after by the Muggle and Magical worlds.

Physically the stone is blood-red. It represents the rubedo (red) stage. There are symbols in both alchemical writing and art representing this stage, including blood, a phoenix, or a rose. Personally, I think blood or a phoenix can represent the stone correctly. 'For the life of the flesh is in the blood.' The life of every living creature is through its blood, it is the reason for being. With the stone being symbolic of presence, the phoenix represents life, transformation, and rebirth. Alchemists sought after the tincture to transform base metals into precious ones such as gold and silver. Another power it possesses is the elixir of life can be derived from it. The prevailing thought about it is the ability to cure any illness and prolong life. Imagine if the stone landed in the wrong hands, how they could use it for their own gain.

Something like this needs to be protected, if not destroyed. There is a part of me that has that greed to keep it. The Black family is cursed, everyone seems to die relatively young. In a way, that scares me. Life is fragile, I understand, no one lives forever, and at any point, we could die. Compared to everyone else, though, this is set in stone. It just doesn't feel fair. So many I do want to be selfish in that regard. Part of me also thinks of the possibility of what would happen if someone I loved is suffering? Gods. I shouldn't be getting stuck in my head, bringing myself down. For one moment, though, I could just imagine being under the tutorage of Nicolas Flamel. A legend in the alchemical and wizarding world. Unfortunately, I think that is beyond wishful thinking, or dreaming even. Ugh. This is still not helping me. Oh, Gods. Ahahahaa...

Okay, (Y/N). 

Aha, Uhm, stars... Just...

Just breathe. Breathe. In and out. In and out. 

Think. Think of at least five things. 

Five things for Christmas. Besides the book.

1.) A pair of [ moon and stars earrings ](https://tinyurl.com/y5sy958o), secretly given by cousin Andromeda.

2.) New clothes

3.) Two new [ notebooks ](https://i.etsystatic.com/19566249/r/il/e231a8/1973366501/il_794xN.1973366501_93dq.jpg) I bought with a particular intent

4.) A [ charm ](https://i.etsystatic.com/20230277/d/il/cab563/2389976845/il_340x270.2389976845_52e4.jpg?version=0) for end handle of my [ wand ](https://tinyurl.com/yy7n3z9j)

5.) Severus' present

In and out. 

In and out. 

That's better. I need to think more optimistically. Maybe just not think at all? Solves my problem. Ahaha... 

For now, I should make sure I have everything packed. I need to be ready tomorrow. I don't want to leave anything behind—necessities such as clothes, toiletries, books plus school materials, and anything else essential. Everything was neatly packed into the luggage, set by the door, ready for my departure tomorrow morning. Mother would be taking me down to the station since my father would be busy, as usual. Not that it matters so much anymore. 

I no longer cared about making attempts at being an actual family because we will never be one. Being with the Blacks is merely survival, a means to an end. People might see me as disgusting for thinking all of this, but like I said, endurance, even if I don't agree with everything they are doing. Survive long enough until I don't need them anymore—six more years. That's how long I have to bear with them, then I'll figure it from there. Definitely not marrying whoever they are considering of sending me off to like some prized cow. 

My real family is waiting for me, I'll be home really soon though. Only several more hours until then. For now, I need to make sure I get enough rest. So with that, I settled onto my bed, closing my eyes as dreamless sleep takes over. 

Throughout the night, I tossed and turned, feeling restless. I would wake up every other hour or so, which I didn't understand as to why. Today I woke up much earlier than I anticipated, leaving me about two hours to fill with random mundane tasks. However, I wouldn't call reading mundane, it was perhaps anything but that. Books were always a nice change of scenery, and it was my favorite hobby. I was able to escape my reality even if it was a little while. The type of literature I love the best might be poetry if I were, to be honest. It's powerful for something so short, telling an entire story in its own unique way. Albeit the field of poetry is much like art, it can be anything of intent by the creator, so anyone could make it, but could they capture raw emotion?

I think I like poetry because of the minimalism of words, making each word more impactful and meaningful. There I go again, rambling on and on, talking about nonsense to myself. Obviously, I need to occupy myself to prevent this. "Starlet," mother's firm voice taking me out of my typical mental spiral. "It's time to go now. You mustn't miss the train. Come along." Had two hours already passed? My eyes darted towards the old grandfather clock that read, "10:37." Stars, we have to leave soon, or I'll definitely miss the train. "Kreacher!" Mother shouted. The family house-elf, Kreacher, came at mother's call. "Yes, mistress?" He muttered, standing before the tall woman. "Go upstairs and fetch my little starling's luggage."

Kreacher crept his way upstairs, dragging my packed bag down the steps, setting it before us. "That is all." Mother's hazel eyes narrowing at the old, grey house elf. I had felt bad for how they treated Kreacher even though I know he might be a tad tricky. Still, he deserved an ounce of kindness. 

Before he left, I softly called out to the elf, "thank you, Kreacher." This made him stop in his track, turning his head towards me, staring up at me. His expression, I couldn't really read. I didn't have enough time to think about it as I was yanked by my arm by mother, leaving me with one arm while holding my luggage.

"We're in a hurry. We- I do not have time for you to be speaking to our servants." Her grip was tight on my arm, and her pace was quick. Scenarios like this, I would not miss while at school. Interactions similar to what happened moments ago make me happy to be anywhere but home. Do all my thoughts like this make me selfish?

In comparison, I at least have a family and everything I could need and want. Everything but the emotional warmth, love, and support I desperately yearn for. The heat of human connection is essential for our health both mentally and physically. Having a less than positive relationship does showcase a negative impact on us, reflecting on decision making and how we live our lives. So far, I think I'm managing to do alright... I hope. 

We had managed to arrive at Platform 9¾ just in the nick of time. Mother had given me a feeble attempt of goodbye, leaving the station before I had gotten onto the train. She disappeared among the crowd as if she never had dragged me here. Shaking my head, I pushed it aside and boarded the locomotive with my luggage in hand to find Lily, wherever she might be. 

It took passing several compartments until I discovered my redhead friend looking out the window with a bored look on her face. Her current expression was humorous since she hated the long train ride. That expression changed as soon as she heard the door open, she had that infectious smile you could never hate the one you find yourself doing before you even know it.

"(Y/N)! Finally! It took forever for you to get here." Immediately she perked up, jumping up from her seat, engulfing my body into a tight embrace. "I miss you, how was your break?" Lily pulled back, still smiling as she took in the sight of me. "I missed you, as well. It was alright." Well, it wasn't that great, but it could have been worse. "What about you? Did you enjoy spending time with your family?" I had stored my bag away, sitting across from Lily. "It was great! I missed them a lot, so it was nice seeing everyone. We sang some Christmas songs, drank hot chocolate, built gingerbread houses! Plus, we watched some Christmas movies, and Petunia and I helped mother make cookies and Christmas dinner!" 

The Gryffindor gushed with starry eyes, retelling her holiday with her family as if it just happened minutes ago. By the way, she described everything she seemed really close with her family. Although I heard there was tension between her and Petunia, Lily was a witch, something her parents were proud of. Petunia clearly felt envious everything was about her little sister. No one really paid attention to her because she wasn't 'special.' A pity that that's what ruins a relationship between two sisters. Despite that, it still seemed that the Evans family had a good time. That's all that really matters in the end. 

Time flew by as we conversed throughout the ride. Like our very first time arriving at Hogwarts, it was night time when we reached Hogsmeade station. Carriages were already there by the time we had gotten off the train, escorting us through the cold airy night to our home. This felt very much like our first day arriving, it brought back those feelings of warmth and contentment.

In the Great Hall, I saw so many familiar faces. Headmaster Dumbledore, the professors, the house ghosts, classmates and good friends. Everything just felt right. Thoughts of tomorrow actually excited me, I was ready to go back to classes, back to my regular routine.

For now, I had managed to catch up with my housemates, asking them how their break was and what gifts they got. The evening was enjoyable. 

As much as I'd like to be like clockwork now that I am back at school, I wasn't. My sleeping was off, I didn't wake up the time I usually do. Normally, I'd get up around 6:30 or so when breakfast first starts, wanting to have a quiet meal. Instead, it was around 7:40 when I got up. Guess I won't be seeing Severus this morning until class. When I finished getting ready, I made my way to the Great Hall, enjoying a coffee and a croissant. Eating only a small breakfast just to avoid the people arriving late to their morning meal.

From there, my day went on as usual. Monday's schedule was DADA with Hufflepuff, HoM with Slytherin, Transfig and charms with Gryffindor, and lastly, Astronomy with Slytherin. With the in-between time after HoM, hopefully, Severus will meet up at our study corner. The only time I really get to communicate with him before classes is during early breakfast, which I missed. An issue that needs remedy sometime in the future. 

During DADA, we began our lesson reviewing over gnomes and doxies before we'd move onto gargoyles and hags. Something I found a little odd since we learned about the sculptures our first day during HoM. Professor Vonner recommended that we speak with Muggles Studies Professor Morelli about how Muggles view the grotesque style statues and their myths. Despite the suggestion, I think I'll pass. 

History of Magic, before our break and midterms, we finished studying the two parts of Asia. Professor Binns, Hogwart's only ghost professor, taught us the early history of Asia's magic. How the Sumerian people were the first to create potions, excelling primarily in the healing and defensive spectrum. Those old ages, people who wielded magic, were revered as Gods, something they didn't understand at the time but accepted. Many cases of this happened with epic heroes as they called them such as Gilgamesh, who was actually a wizard. 

Part two of the Asia lesson got Professor Binns fired up since we spoke of nomads and people such as the Huns. He felt that they were among the most underappreciated witches and wizards. We had to keep interrupting the phantom professor, reminding him that we needed to go to the next lesson, which was Africa. Unfortunately, we only managed to get a few discussions across Africa before we were dismissed. Well, more like lucky us. 

Now it was the in-between length time plus lunch before resuming the rest of my lessons. Immediately I made my way to Severus' and mine's little corner in the library. Our favorite spot. It was quiet, and no one really passed by so we could go about our business undisturbed. No one was there when I arrived—something unsurprising to me since it was usually vacant unless the brooding bookworm was there or myself. Perhaps Severus is just a little late, he'll come eventually. My belongings lay across the desk's surface while I sat against the wall on my legs, reading my book on Flamel and alchemy. The book was divided into two parts, part one was on the famed french alchemist himself and part two on everything to do with alchemy.

There was an introduction on what is alchemy, notes to when alchemy first dated back, significant symbols and dates. Stars. There was a lot of information. Half of it made my head spin as I read passages twice. "Troubling read, Miss Black?" A calm, powerful, collected gentle male voice, but it still had an edge to it, surprised me. 

Turning my head upward was the headmaster himself. "Professor Dumbledore!" I gasped out, not expecting to see the powerful wizard. Hogwarts' headmaster looked down at me with a gentle smile. His brilliant soul-piercing blue eyes stared at me with a twinkle of kindness and mischief behind half mooned glasses.

"I was just reading a book on Nicolas Flamel and alchemy, professor." Bookmarking my place with the attached ribbon, shutting the tome. The elderly man stood tall before me with his arms clasped behind his back. "Ah, yes. Nicolas Flamel." Dumbledore hummed. Cocking my head to the side, I blinked up at the wizard with curiosity. "Do you know him? Nicolas Flamel, Professor?" There was a shine that appeared in his eyes after I asked my question. "I do. Flamel is a dear old friend of mine." 

Wow. Dumbledore already is famous, but I think his personal connection and friendship with a legend such as Flamel adds to it. "That... That's amazing. ..," I swallowed, feeling amazed even further. As if the Grand Sorcerer could sense my hesitance, he leaned against the desk, folding his hands across his lap. "Is there something you wish to ask me, (Y/N)?" He was right, there was something I wanted to know.

My question was rather silly to ask, but I asked him anyway. "Do you know alchemy as well then?" Soft chuckles escaped the headmaster, causing me to feel embarrassed. "I am well versed in many aspects of magic, including alchemy. Flamel and I have partnered in several projects." Albus Dumbledore is a skilled potioneer. It would make sense for him to be knowledgeable of alchemy since it can be considered a subset of potions. "This leads me to ask you something, my dear. Are you interested in the art of alchemy?" I sat there silently for a moment, thinking about his question before I nodded. 

Hogwarts' headmaster stared off, lost in thought. Soon enough, he snapped out of it as we heard clicking and clacking drawing near, he raised from his makeshift chair, giving me a final smile. "I do hope you enjoy your reading. Perhaps your alchemical pursuit will continue years after you graduate Hogwarts." He gave me a quick wink just before Madam Pince had appeared, the duo left for the restricted section, leaving me to myself once more. After my unexpected interaction with Hogwarts' headship, I felt curious and filled with questions regarding our brief conversation. The scenario replaying in my mind, always lingering on that wink. What could that have meant?

Much to my dismay, Severus had not shown up like he would previously. He must have just been busy and could not tell me. Looks like our conversation is pushed back once more. Maybe I can steal him from his partner during Astronomy late this afternoon. Two and a half hours until I see him. Just have to make it through charms and transfiguration. Flitwick instilled the importance of concentration before our break, but today he is going over the willpower application. The master of charms stressed that there was a difference between the two; concentration is how we want and expect a spell to react while willpower is the driving force, making that action. 

For the practical portion, Flitwick revisited our first charm lesson, the levitation charm. In addition to the refresher, we'll be learning the sticking charm and its counterspell. The professor also mentioned it should be easy for us since it is our own magic. Still, it requires more effort as it is different to counter another's spell. With that being said, Flitwick had to counter many sticking spells as students had decided to stick things all over the classroom, including body parts. He had a wary look to him that one could mistake for being upset, but the professor was too kind to get angry at something as simple as this. 

Eventually, after everyone had at least performed the sticking charm and its counterspell twice, we had switched classes to transfiguration. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw students ushered out, quickly going about their ways. While everyone made their way, I lingered in the charms room. "Ah, Miss Black, is there something I can do for you?" The tiny wizard stood on one of several stacks of books, addressing me as he waved his wand, sorting out the room. As he turned to me, there was a smile on his face, it was kind and inviting, although his mustache covered his upper lip showing off his teeth. "Yes, if you don't mind, professor." He jumped down from the stack, rounding them to his desk and motioned for me to follow.

"So, what was it you wish to talk about?" Sitting behind his desk on another pile of tomes, the tiny wizard looked up at me as I towered over him. "Well, I wondered, as you are the supervisor of the dueling club and a former duelist champion, I wanted to inquire about joining next year. Not only that, though, but I also wanted to know after times we can meet together for an apprenticeship training of sorts." It seemed that the former duelist had not expected this as lines appeared on his head while furrowing his brows. Dark eyes analyzed me, it was silent, Flitwick had not responded, and I felt somewhat unnerved. "I see. Well, I do admire your interest in learning how to duel, Miss Black. However, I do not believe it's a good idea." 

The pounding in my chest and the tingle of nerves from every limb in my body were the only things I could feel. This wasn't the answer I was anticipating. "Professor, please. I think you should reconsider," my voice wavered as I begged the black-clad wizard. "This is something quite important to me. I want to do this- I have to." My plead seemed to effect the wizard as he shifted at his desk, clasping his hands together, giving me a stern look. "Why is this so important to you?" Learning how to duel is essential to any wizard and witch. Everyone should be able to protect themselves and those they love. 

"This is important to me as it should be for any wizard or witch, professor. I want to be able to defend myself and those I love. Magic is an extension of ourselves, a part of us. We should understand it and control it to the best of our abilities, magic should hold no power above us. However, I do know that we can never truly master magic, but at the very least, we can try, and that's what I want to do." Woah, where did that come from? I didn't really expect all of that to come out, and it seemed Flitwick didn't either.

The house head of Ravenclaw leaned back in his chair, wide-eyed, mouth agape. After a few seconds, the professor regained his composer, thinking to himself before a moment before looking back at me. "Quite frankly, I had not expected that at all. You surprised me, Miss Black. It'll be an honor to help you. We'll begin next year if you still wish to learn." He gave me another toothy smile, which I couldn't help but return. Before leaving, the charms master pulled out a tin container from his desk, revealing a colorful assortment of saltwater taffies. With a pocket full of taffy, I found myself skipping to transfiguration, humming to nothing in particular. 

By the time I got to my next class, I had barely made it before McGongugall arrived. "Welcome back, students. I trust everyone had a delightful holiday. Before we begin, I shall be handing your midterms back." A stack of papers on Professor McGongugall's desk flew to students with a flick of her wand. The sight of the flying paper looked like a snowstorm.

"Now, today, we shall be learning the smoke to the dagger spell. Seeing as we will be working with weapons today," the mistress of transfiguration cleared her throat as she looked at a specific group of boys, the Marauders. "I trust and would hope no persons attempt anything with these daggers. Lest you wish to lose significant house points and to spend your evening with me. So, everyone's daggers will remain on their desks at all times." Professor's lips pursued together in her signature look, glancing across the room to ensure everyone had understood her. 

"Good. As I have mentioned, we are working with smoke, it'll be a bit difficult to see, but you should still manage just fine." From the tip of her wand, the smoke had seeped out, filling the room in a grey fog. When it came to transfiguration, it was essential to keep in mind each of the five senses. It helps visualize what you are trying to transform.

Thinking about it, this seems very much like cloud-watching in a sense. You just have to spot the object and envision it before you. After we see the dagger, we were to move our wands in a circle around the smoke, repeating the incantation 'Fumos Lamina.' The clattering of blades on the wooden surfaces echoed in the room and chants of the new spell. 

Professor McGonagall kept a close distance to the Marauders. She had little to no trust in the male group in this current lesson. This particular lesson didn't seem as hard after we've done the Matchmaker (match to needle), it did require a significant amount of concentration. However, it should be no issue if you're adept at Matchmaker. Unless you aren't focused so much on the task at hand. Clearly, I was not. My mind felt preoccupied, thinking about the exchange I had with Dumbledore, then wondering if Severus was okay. He was, I'm sure, but I just can't help but worry. That's what friends do, show their concern, and care about one another. At least, I considered him my friend. Whether he felt the same is up for debate. 

For most of the class, I had idly sat in the smoke-filled room lost in thought. Head propped on my hand with the other holding my wand, which I used drawing shapes with the smoke. "Having difficulties, Miss Black?" A yelp escapes me as I turn, standing by me now was McGongugall. "No, not at all!" I managed to sputter out, earning a lingering look from the witch before she walked off. Looks like I should be focusing on class unless I want another awkward conversation. Halfheartedly I had managed to transform the smoke into a shining dagger. Before dismissing us, the transformation mistress had given us homework, reviewing the smoke to dagger spell. 

Astronomy is my last class of the day taught by professor Creighton. Part of me is conflicted on how I feel about the course. The idea I had of Astronomy would be a focus on the celestial bodies and constellation. Still, instead, we have to consider things like A.M.E or the distance of light. Not to mention that cursed chart. Dread. That's how I feel about astronomy—more than likely due to the calculations we continuously have to make. 

Unfortunately for me, I did not fare well in class due to it. You can ask me to name the celestial bodies and show you where the constellations are, but ask me to figure out the charting and distance of light and the shadow it produces? Whew, you might as well get one of those ridiculous Muggles that believe in the flat earth theory to help you. 

Xenophilius could only help me so much. Only his chart work made some sense to me. Our long-legged, podgy professor though he appears intelligent, is lazy and doesn't heed us, his students. 

Dead. Monotonous. That's how the astronomy professor spoke, just droning on and on whether or not we were listening. In all cases, it was the latter. For the most part, everyone would band together, trying to fill each other in. Though how accurate most of the information they have gotten is up for debate. There was perhaps only one person in this course who knew what we were supposed to be learning. Who could it possibly be? 

Severus Snape.

I usually sat with Xeno and his friends and our housemates. Today I opted to sit by the ravenette, away from the rest of the class. All of the lessons I see Severus in he usually sat in the furthest corners of the room, avoiding just about everyone. Lily was his only exception. Lately, it seemed that he tolerated me being around or just never bothered to say anything. Choosing to ignore me like before though that didn't really work out now, did it? 

Still, it felt like the Slytherin didn't exactly consider me his friend, more so an endurable classmate and study partner. Then again, I never did ask if we were friends. "Hello, Severus." I smiled, sitting by the writing boy who glanced at me out of the corner of his dark eyes. This should symbolize something. How he is actually acknowledging me as before he wouldn't even look at me. Almost every interaction we have, I always feel there is some sort of progress made. 

"I hope you had an okay break. By the way, I didn't see you at the library like we usually meet, everything okay?" He sighs, setting his quill down and massaged the bridge of his nose. "It was adequate, I don't particularly care so much for the holidays. They're essentially just another day with people wanting a reason to 'celebrate.' As for our academic sessions in the library, I had other matters to attend to." Severus explained coolly, making me feel like he's distancing himself, coming out of my reach. "Oh. Uh... alright." I frowned, feeling unsure how to respond to his explanation of how he felt about holidays. 

Shifting uncomfortably in my seat feeling I was as stiff as a board, was hurtful and unnerving, to say the least, but I can't let it stop me from reaching out to him. "Well... I hope whatever required your attention went smoothly...," gulping down, my voice grew quieter, "Perhaps... perhaps we'll be able to study again soon?" 

Snape sat there, wordlessly, staring at me with intense eyes, which made me want to squirm. Sitting there under his gaze felt like an eternity in purgatory. Who knows what he is thinking? What might he say? Soon enough, his brows knit together, a clear frown on his face, "who says we've stopped our meetings? Unless you clearly have something else better to do." Compared to earlier, it seemed that Severus had growled, as if he was annoyed or potentially upset that I asked or even assumed that. "N-no... I just wasn't sure if you wanted us to continue anymore or if it was a one-time thing?" 

It felt like he found delight in thriving off my discomfort and nerves as his eyes locked onto me like magnets. Their gaze was just as cold as one holding a sense of skepticism. Anytime he remained silent with a fixed look, it always made me feel like I was in purgatory, awaiting what may come. Despite that, I had also had an underlying feeling of enjoyment from it because he's looking at me. He sees me. 

That gives me a rush, as well as hope. 

.˚ₓ

After that day, the day we got back from Christmas break, the rest of the year flew by like nothing. The meetings me and the Slytherin continued after that day, after our chat during Astronomy. Finally, everything fell back into my routine, the one I knew and loved. For me, the year first was enjoyable despite the small bumps and difficulties I have in Astronomy. 

Saying I was sad that the year was over is an understatement. Returning home was something I began to hate immediately after the first month of attending Hogwarts. The conversation I had overheard between my parents and extended family made things even worse—arranged marriage. Orion, Bellatrix, and Narcissa are some Blacks to name who were arranged marriages at attempts to maintain "blood purity." 

Then today of all days is my cousin Narci's wedding to Malfoy. On top of that, its the day I have to be a flower girl, something I never thought I'd do. And yet here I am, a couple years older than the average flower girl, wearing a knee-length [ dusty blue dress ](https://tinyurl.com/yyfgxnaf) with silvery floral lace adorning the chest region and hemline. Supposedly, Narci had picked this out for me. I actually loved it. 

The couple's wedding was being held at Lucius' family home, an enormous estate. Well, massive doesn't exactly come close to how big their property was. Ridiculous honestly, why do they need this much space? Regardless, they made use of the abundance of space for their wedding. To be honest, I felt surprised hearing they were having a garden wedding, I figured something very posh like how the man of the hour holds himself. 

Pushing past my bewilderment, I could see just how beautiful the marriage ceremony was set up. Once you step outside, going down the stone steps in the center of the yard was the large banquet set. Covering the grass were beautiful wooden floor panels, supporting a massive canopy. On top were sheer lace fabric, flora, and fauna with light fixtures hanging overhead. The canopy's support beams had thick white curtains tied back to provide privacy if needed. Their [ banquet ](https://tinyurl.com/y29hblyj) had a 'U' shape set up, which was obviously where the groom and bride plus family would set. In front of that were circular tables. Towards the opposite end of the family table, was the stage for the performing band after the ceremony. White and gold. That was their color theme for the wedding though white is a given for marriage. 

If you continue forward from the dining area, you will find a floral [ archway ](https://tinyurl.com/y48z9234)with sheer fabric as a curtain. Another shade of wood floor panels followed behind it, going all the way down to where the main event would take place. Multiple rows of chairs were lined up perfectly, more white plants at each pathway. My favorite thing was perhaps where Narci and Lucius would stand, underneath a canopy of hanging white wisterias. Something about wisterias seemed somewhat surreal. Whatever it was, I loved it. 

All the adults droned on and on—a total bore. When was the ceremony going to start? Not anytime soon, it seems. We were going to be there all day. I didn't know what to do. If there was anything to do anyway. More than likely, I'll wander around. Might as well explore. 

Explore I did, I wandered the endless halls of their manor, inspecting knickknacks. People walked in and out as well, attaining to matters regarding the upcoming union. As of this moment, I was confident they were getting ready. Whenever there were many people in a hall, I turned the other way, looking down another corridor. Everything was stylish, tasteful as expected, but that's what made it bland because there was nothing odd to separate things. My wandering ceased as soon as I found the library, now that wasn't dull. 

Behind me, the wooden double doors shut themselves, leaving me alone in the dark study. Bookshelves towered over me, every row occupied with all sorts of texts. Malfoy's library had to be as big if not more significant than the one at Hogwarts, another surprise. Everything was neatly organized, sectioned by topic. 

My fingers slid across each books' spines as I passed by, looking for something that catches my eye. Coming to a halt, my fingers curled around a mahogany brown tome with intricate golden details, symbols decorated the spine and covers. Tracing the design, I found an empty armchair that I brought my knees to my chest, holding the book in my lap. Turns out this brown book I picked was on the topic of conjuration. An interesting read though somewhat complex to grasp. Time slipped by, by how much I didn't know. 

Yet another spiraling zone out moment. Yay. 

What pulled me out of my thoughts was clicking against the hardwood floor. "No surprise to find you in here." Looking up, a soft gasp escapes me. Standing before me was the bride herself. Narcissa. She wore the most beautiful [ wedding dress ](https://tinyurl.com/y4ud3drm) I've ever seen. The only wedding dress I've ever seen, I don't have anything to compare it to. Then her hair was styled into an updo with flowers and pearls adorning it all over. 

"You look magnificent, Narci." I smiled, glancing her from head to toe once more. "Heh. Thank you, starling." Her arms were crossed and what looks to be a smirk on her face. "So... are you excited?" My fingers shakily traced fore-edges of the book on my lap. 

Her answer was something I needed to hear. She is in an arranged marriage, and I had to know if she likes- no, loves Lucius. 

"Well, I... yes, although I am slightly nervous, its only natural." Ugh. That doesn't really help. Guess I should be more direct then. 

"My real question is... do you even have feelings for Lucius?" 

Narci walked towards me, her heels echoing against the floor. She perched on the armrest. Her lips were pressed together as she blankly stared at the hem of her dress. I curiously watched her. She seemed to wonder how to answer, what should she say, or where to even start?

"When I first heard the news that I had to marry Lucius, I was shocked, angry. All I wanted to do was scream and plead for anything but this. However, as a Black, I also knew I had an obligation to our family. I'd just have to go through it whether I liked it or not. When I found out it was our fifth year together. We hadn't gotten along in the beginning, we'd fight. Usually, I argue with him just to express my disdain on the whole idea. Maybe even get him to reconsider." 

Tears started to burn at the bottom of my eyes. They were fixed on my cousin's figure, refusing to blink to avoid missing anything. Looking for any change in her expression, any sort of shift in her position. Except for there wasn't one. 

"Of course, it seemed for a while I was successful in my attempts to annoy him, but eventually, I think it began to amuse him. So, another idea came to mind, why not just ignore him? At first, he might have thought I finally warmed up to him since I wouldn't argue with him anymore. Lucius quickly caught on to my new plan, so he did whatever he could to get me to acknowledge him." 

A scoff escapes her as it seemed like this had only happened yesterday. "When our fifth year ended and the sixth year came around, I can't recall what changed, but I felt something for Lucius. Whatever feeling I developed for him, it made me seek him out. Only that and next year were my only opportunities to know him before the wedding. So, I took it." 

What about the ending of their fifth year leading to the sixth change between them? Maybe a part of her always had some sort of attraction to pureblood wizard? Something she didn't want to admit to perhaps? 

"And here we are now. Compared to Bella, I am quite lucky if I must admit. There is love between Lucius and me while for her and Rodolphus... Their marriage is strictly professional; they did as they were expected to do, marry a pureblood." 

Whether this helped me or not, at least I know that my cousin is happy. Though this does raise the question if I could get as lucky as Narcissa and Lucius or end up like Bellatrix and Rodolphus. 

Personally, I don't think I should have any hopes in the matter. Sometimes hope is just one's undiscovered disappointment. 

"Let's go now. Can't hold up the ceremony any further." With that, we had left the dimly lit room. 

Once we were outside, the ceremony began, which took up our entire day. 

Hours passed; the celebrating union was beautiful and quite delightful. For the most part, I did keep to myself except for the unavoidable conversations from close family or overly curious strangers. While I tried to keep my future troubles out of my thoughts just today, it always lingered in the back of my mind. After all, how could I not think about it? Here at a wedding with my family and their 'friends,' this could be my wedding in the next several years. One significant difference would stand out between Narci's marriage and my potential union. 

Will I even love whoever is chosen for me? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is still enjoying this!  
> This is the end of the first year, which means we're going to be time-skipping to the fourth year.  
> Also, two of the lessons inspired something I'm putting into Yearning. :')  
> Make sure to vote on the poll for Yearning if you haven't. 
> 
> Follow me (or keep an eye!) on Tumblr: @slashercemetry  
> There you can find any updates regarding writing.  
> A recent post on there is considering if I should maybe try having a beta reader(s). Dunno :')  
> Thank you! ♡


	10. Fourth year: Change Over Summer | Pen Pal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward from cousin Narci's wedding, we are in our fourth year where we encounter c-ch-changes, especially a particular ravenette. ♡  
> Find out what you did since the wedding, have a brief bond time with Mr. Broody Bookworm, and maybe even get a pen pal thanks to ol' Dumbly Dore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it seems to be filler-y.  
> More important plot-ishness.  
> Ah, I'm sorry just more badness. ;;

Since my first year, since my first train ride, since the day I met Lily and Severus, three years had flown by ever since cousin Narci's wedding. Now it was our fourth year. After our first year, Flitwick took me under his wing. Under his tutelage, I learned much more than I originally anticipated. As promised, I joined the Dueling club, where I often spent my time, and typically I'd assist the Charms' master. 

It was actually great, although I found myself in the dungeons most days if not there, then it was between the library or astronomy tower. Dueling club took place in a room specially built in the dungeons, the only place where duels were permitted. On the walls were various marks from scorches, soot, and deep engravings caused by spells upon contact.

Professor Dumbledore decreed all incisions and spots remained as visual reminders of the dangerous associations from the wizarding sport. 

Still, this place was a safe and supervised area for students to practice and hold formal duels. Flitwick emphasized that the lessons learned within our group were to be utilized for self-defense anything else would put students up for expulsion. 

Before the tutorship began, Flitwick made sure to instill that to me. The first few months during that and the club, I felt awkward, clumsily, and reluctant with every movement. However, halfway through the second year, I found myself gaining confidence, feeling assertive in the group. 

It was quite thrilling. 

The goal in mind is to remain under his guidance for the rest of my schooling years. After that, everything is up in the air. Technically, Narcissa informed me to expect my betrothal announcement between next year to my sixth year. If I was genuinely ill-fated, there was always the possibility of it being announced my seventh year. 

Truthfully, I hope that it will never happen, but that is clearly wishful thinking. 

All because I'm growing up and the 'legacy' my family wishes to leave behind. 

.˚ₓ

⠀

Passing each compartment on the train, my excitement and nervousness grew. Each step I took brought me closer to the car Lily and Severus, and I sat in every year. Officially we made the decision after our first year we'd always meet one another in that particular compartment. I couldn't wait to see how the two changed during the summer if anything new had occurred since our last exchange of letters. 

Our compartment was located in one of the train's further sections, leaving it to be a more quiet and comfortable nook. Severus and I enjoyed it more than Lily that was certain. Yet she still was content with sitting in the back with us, not minding we were less than talkative compared to her friends from Gryffindor. 

Before standing in front of the sliding door, I peeked through the side window, surveying the car, I only saw one person sitting by a window seat with a book in his lap. 

"Severus," I quietly breathed out. 

Severus Snape sat alone in complete stillness, I was positive that even the pages he flipped would not make a sound. Where was Lily? I couldn't help but frown at the absence of the redhead since we've always ridden together. Perhaps Severus knew. 

Before proceeding inside, I took a swift moment to smooth and straighten my uniform, feeling the need to look my absolute best. Knocking on the wooden sliding door with the knuckle of my index, I slipped into the chamber, making my way across from the brooding bookworm. "Hello, Severus." I smiled, although his attention was on the tome before him. 

Knowing him, he'd just continue reading his book, not acknowledging me, or give a grunt as a half acknowledgment. This time though, he lifted his head up, his midnight black orbs analyzing me. Those eyes were the universe; the type of eyes you could gaze into endlessly, the kind that could hook anyone in with one look. His optics were like gravity, and they pulled me in relentlessly. 

And then his hair? Stars. Those ebony locks had grown out, the tips touching his shoulders. Parting at the side rather than the middle, most of it falls on one side, acting as a curtain for one eye. It covers both of his ears. All I wanted to do was reach out for his dark mane, run my fingers through it, and braid it. People found an odd pleasure making jabs at his locks, saying how it looks greasy and what there's a thing called shampoo you don't have to be a wizard to know or use it. Either way, I at least know he does and why his hair gets greasy. Snape often lingered down in the dungeons, primarily in the potions room after professor Slughorn discovered his brilliance, mesmerized by the Slytherin's aptitude. 

Frankly, Severus had multiple aspects that could and should spellbind people. He is underappreciated, and I know he's not an angel, he isn't perfect; no one is. Despite the known fact that everyone is tragically flawed, they still treat him like the villain, the only one in the wrong. 

Hogwarts' house division also does nothing to help. Gryffindor and Slytherin have a long history of rivalry, starting when the learning institution was first founded. The two house patrons were never fond of each other. They held different clashing opinions and ideals that would continue hundreds of years after their time. Between all the four houses, these two were the most competitive and often at each others' throats. Hufflepuff seemed to be closer to Gryffindor, while Ravenclaw was found to be a pleasant company for Slytherin. 

What also doesn't help the green-clad house is how many wizards and witches turned out to be corrupt. However, that doesn't mean everyone in that house is evil or treated dreadfully due to bias. 

If I remember my first year, I could remember how I mentally pleaded and chanted for anything but Slytherin. Does this make me a hypocrite? While I would not care what house I was under, I knew I didn't want to be like the rest of my family. The cult mentality of blood purity left a bad taste in my mouth. I already endure such ideals often at home. So why should I be sorted into a house much like my own? 

"Hello," Snape's deep, soothing voice pulled me out of both my rapt for him and the mental drain I fall into. It was a pleasant surprise. Snape didn't always greet me back, but slowly over the three years, we've been friends, he occasionally returns the welcome. Not that I'd complain about it, getting him to speak, hell, even look at me just makes my day. This time though, I couldn't help the slowly rising smile. One that would grow until it pressed against rosy cheeks and gradually reveal my teeth with soft laughs escaping me. That particular smile that reaches up to one's eyes where a twinkle could be seen. I wondered if he'd notice the sparkle and had the same poetic feelings about my optics as I felt about his. Imaginative like something you'd read in a romance story; how he could see cosmoses be created and destroyed every time our eyes met. 

His retort wasn't the only cause for me to smile, it was one reason, but the other was just hearing his voice. Since our first day, his voice gradually changed until this point. The last time we spoke was before the summer break, and his tone was soft, yet it always held an edge to it though it would squeak and crack through puberty. And now? Dear Stars and Gods, his voice now was as smooth as butter, he could talk about anything, and I'd just melt. Now it was calm, collected, and deep, but one thing that never changed was the edge in each and every word that he would enunciate correctly every time he spoke. 

"Pleased to see you're still so satisfied with that book I gave you from our first Christmas." Seeing him reread the book, I gave him those years ago and still enjoy it feels me with content. By some miracle, I successfully convinced Severus to abstain from writing in the margins. As a resort, we eventually developed a spell that allowed blank pages of parchment to appear between each of the pages to write down notes. Still, it also could be hidden away with the same spell, we also ensured its records and secrets could not be revealed to anyone but us. This particular part was the latest addition because James and Sirius stole one of his books, where they found a few spells we worked on together. Still, Severus mainly created them on his own. This should prevent those irksome troublemakers from stealing any more of his spells and thwart any attempts of Sirius taking my own back home. 

"Quite. Ceneth, while he is obscure, at least he is worthy of credibility. In recent years, publishings allow just about any blundering idiot to write nowadays. It's astonishing to find people like Ceneth anymore." Severus sneered as he was correct, lately just about any witch and wizard could publish whatever the hell they wanted even if the accuracy is debatable. Thus making him more critical of the tomes we would analyze. 

Ceneth just happened to be a favorite of his, yet I also found the wizard enjoyable. Based on conversations Severus and I had in the past, the wizard was simply known as Ceneth. He was quite skilled at DADA and dark magic, albeit he is a hermit. Surprising to see he hasn't gone mad from years of living underground though it does make you wonder why he published works? Rumors say he's a vampire or something. 

"Hopefully, Ceneth will make another publishing. So far, he's been consistent every five years." I reminded him though he out of all people would never need reminders. "Of course, one of the last few reliable sources left. If he doesn't, then we might have that housemate of yours, Lockhart, try to teach us." The ravenette scoffs, shaking his head at the thought, and I swore I heard him huff under his breathe 'dunderhead.' I quietly laughed, recalling some of Lockhart's attempts of heroism and flattery yet always resulted poorly from both embarrassing to a downright prat. 

"Anyway, where's Lily?" I finally asked the question I've been wondering since I got here. However, based on Severus's sudden sour and hardened expression, I shouldn't have asked. He turned towards the window, refocusing his gaze on the book, closing himself off to me. "With her _friends_ ," Severus spat out venomously.

By her friends, he had to have meant her Gryffindor friends. Mary MacDonald, Dorcas Meadowes, and Alice Fortescue. Three of whom she's spent a lot of time with over the past few years. 

Why was she sitting with them? Between the two of us and those three, she'll be spending practically the whole year with them. So, we usually would try to spend as much time possible together, but this year is just the beginning of changes. 

Glancing back over at the bookworm, I knew it was better to not say anything. Instead, when the trolly passed by, I bought a little of everything for the two of us to share. I immediately sat by Severus's side, putting the treats between us as I sat comfortably on my legs, reading my own book while slightly chewing on a jelly slug. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I could swear I saw him glance over at me with the smallest smile before reaching for his own gummy slug while he continued with his personal reading. 

.˚ₓ

Readjusting to life back at Hogwarts had become second nature. At times it felt like I've never even left for the summer. Life just goes by smoothly. Classes, spending free time with Severus, time in the dungeons with Flitwick, and just lingering around the astronomy tower and the Black Lake. 

It was mundane, saying it all aloud, but it was perfect. 

Severus decided on taking Arithmancy, the study of ancient runes, and the care of magical creatures. Divination was out the window, he thought the class was total bullshit and couldn't stand having to be around it for the entire year. Muggle studies also out the window. Severus hated everything relating to the course, and I don't think his so-called friends would take that too keenly. You would think he wouldn't want to take care of magical creatures, but it is relative to potions in some aspects. 

Meanwhile, I am taking ancient runes and care of magical creatures as well. Arithmancy was out of the question, I can't stand working on more charts, I struggled with Astronomy's tables. It was only thanks to Xenophilius at the beginning, which helped me out. Then when Severus and I began meeting for sessions together, I improved significantly. As much as I'd love to be in more classes and accept his help, I know I shouldn't always rely on him for support. In the end, I settled on taking Divination, which Severus frowned upon and will no doubt poke jabs at the course around me. 

Also, this year Professor Dumbledore made a new announcement that students found interesting. To ensure Hogwarts' has a strong continuing relationship with other wizarding schools, he decided upon having pen pals. Saying it was also essential to interact with other wizards, stressing how we may see all sorts of witches and wizards in our lives. Students will each have one pen pal randomly assigned. They could be from any one of the other several magic institutions. 

Beauxbatons Academy of Magic is located in southern France, a beautiful and prestigious school, found in the Pyrenees mountains. Beauxbatons had many notable students from all over the years. However, their most significant student was the famous alchemist, Nicolas Flamel, alongside his wife, Perenelle Flamel. 

From what I heard, the school is a gorgeous chateau surrounded by blooming gardens and fountains magically created from the surrounding mountains. Their dining hall is elegant, the food superb, and students would be serenaded by beautiful wood-nymphs as they ate. The splendor of the castle and its grounds were funded generously by the Flamels. 

What a dream it would be to see Beauxbatons. 

Castelobruxo, the Brazilian wizarding school, is located within the Amazon rainforest in the north of Brazil. Supposedly the school is just as old as Hogwarts; it does share the same charm as our school, disguising itself as ruins to the Muggle eye. Students that attend Castelobruxo are especially advanced in the field of herbology and magizoology. They're even known to offer prevalent foreign exchange student programs. 

The third-largest wizarding school alongside Hogwarts and Beauxbatons is the Durmstrang Institute. Located in the far north reaches of Europe, this school accepted international students as far as Bulgaria though they did not admit Muggle-borns. This institute is notorious for incorporating the dark arts in its curriculum. 

Many Dark wizards have risen from Durmstrang. Although I do find the teaching of the Dark Arts, it provides a natural balance. Without the Dark, we know not of the Light, everything would be too white, blinding us. Without the Light, the Dark would not exist, everything would be shrouded in Darkness. Monsters and wickedness are birthed equally whether there is too much Light or too much Darkness. It is a necessary relative comparison, balance. 

Light is always associated as being good and the Dark as evil, but that's not true. We just believe approaching it is good. However, both sides are equally flawed and have their own hidden sins. One just hides it better than the other. 

Anyway, the next school is Ilvermorny, which was the American version of Hogwarts. Stationed at Mount Greylock in the state of Massachusettes. Students like Hogwarts were sorted into one of four houses. The school behind the school is exciting as it started with two teachers and two students, a family. I wonder if their houses have any strains or competitiveness like Gryffindor and Slytherin. 

Perhaps the smallest student body between all the wizarding schools is the Japanese school for magic, Mahoutokoro. Japan's school of magic is located at the topmost point of Minami Iwo Jima, a small volcanic island. 

The school's age is unknown as it is only described as 'ancient,' so it might be the oldest wizarding school. However, it was an ornate and exquisite palace that resembles Himeji Castle. 

Now the largest student body school is Uagadou, the Ugandan Educational magic institution. It can be found in the Mountains of the Moon, or the Rwenzori Mountains in western Uganda. People who visit the African wizarding school often marvel at its structure, how it appears to simply float in mid-air due to the mist that shrouds it in the mountainside. However, they are known for their excellence in astronomy, alchemy, and self-transfiguration. African wizards, specially Uagadou students, cast spells by hand gesture rather than wands, which is impressive. 

Lastly, there is the Russian school of Koldovstoretz. There isn't much known about the school. I am aware they have a student who entered a potions championship, and they play a unique version of Quidditch. Instead of broomsticks, students would fly on an entire uprooted tree. Just imagine someone crashing into you with a whole tree. 

Stars.

Becoming a pen pal to any student of these seven schools would be amazing. Each of these institutions has its own uniqueness that it'd be exciting to learn. 

I wonder which student I'd get for my pen pal. 

.˚ₓ

So far, ever since we had gotten back to classes, a month has quickly passed by. And I could easily see how Lily is gradually distancing herself from Severus and me. She started wearing her hair in pigtails with mismatching ribbons rather than having it down. Most of her time was spent with her Gryffindor friends, it was nice she had other friends, but it had hurt to see how she was leaving us behind. Severus was taking it harder though he didn't say anything to me about it, I just knew. At least she still hung around him while she only gives me a polite smile. I don't understand what has happened over the summer. 

.˚ₓ⠀

Recently I noticed some odd things. You think being a witch, you wouldn't find something strange, but no, you're wrong. 

Not when you see a giant rooster the size of a large dog. Especially a chicken that has large fiery red cockscomb that spat out a bright fire to match. Though it seemed to glow, if anything. It had feathers the color of the rainbow, its tail was primarily teal and glowing yellow eyes. When its wings beat against the wind, it made a sort of "basa basa" song. 

The stranger part about it, seeing it carrying a large sack with intricate oriental designs on it. 

Near the rainbow bird, there was a hippogryph lying on the grass with its own large sack by it. However, the logo on it was the elegant crest of Beauxbatons, which also happened to be on the hippogryph's collar. 

It was safe for me to assume that these were our pen pals letters in those bags. 

There was also a blackbird where its feather tips faded to white with accents of electric blue. Its eyes were a soul-piercing white that had lightning crackling from within and around its body. This winged beast radiated power, and it surprised me it didn't bring thunderstorms in its wake. 

This bird had carried a large woven basket. More letters, I assume. 

Perhaps they'll use owls from the owlery to have them deliver each of the letters to the students. 

.˚ₓ

Within the next few days, I had my pen pal's letter delivered to me during lunch. 

The letter was grey, just a shade off from white with my name written on the front with a navy blue ink in the most elegant way I've ever seen. The envelope was enclosed with a golden seal of Beauxbatons Academy of Magic.

I took my time taking the seal off, not wanting to damage it or the envelope. 

Dear (Y/N) Black,

For this pen pal program, I was selected as your partner. My name is Calsif L. Lamen though you may just call me Calsif. I suppose I should let you know something about myself. If you have not seen on the envelope, I attend the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic as a fifth year. I enjoy most are potions and alchemy though I also find Defense Against the Dark Arts just as pleasant as well as Divination.

I hail from the outskirts of the French capital, Paris, as a sole child. In regards to interests, I love opera and books. Walking the streets of Paris was another enjoyable hobby, and at times I would do charitable work. 

I look forward to getting to know more about you, Miss Black. To a strong friendship and program.

Cordially yours,

Calsif L. Lamen

I read the letter at least three times, trying to process this. With my luck, I managed to get a pen pal from the school I wanted, Beauxbatons. Not to mention someone who had similar enjoyment as me. Although it is interesting to see someone near our age enjoying opera, just totally unexpected. To be honest, I was looking forward to this exchange of letters. 

Calsif L. Lamen. 

Heh. I can't wait to hear more about you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed ♡  
> Make sure to keep up with any possible updates on my Tumblr, @slashercemetry  
> Now I am back in school so apologies in advance if I take even longer! Good luck to those back in school also!  
> Hopefully, I'll continue updating this and yearning and add another story or two in the future to get anyone through the school year. ♡ ><
> 
> Hopefully, it was interesting seeing the large rooster and bird, I wanted to have a sort of uniqueness added with the other schools!


	11. Fourth year: Gryffindor Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumbledore has been adding new things to the school year that everyone is well received, all starting with the pen-pal program to the Samhain (Halloween) Witches' Ball. However, as the pen-pal program hype is slowing down, you finally noticed some stares and whispers thrown your way, but for what? Looks like its time to dig up some information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, hi!  
> Its been a very long time since I posted, but I've been stressed with some schoolwork. Mostly I've been struggling with creativeness and inspiration to continue writing my two works. I just finished this chapter though, I know it's not that long and I feel it might be a cop-out or something to you all, which I am sorry about! :( 
> 
> (mood board will be added later on/TBA)

The pen pal program was well-received, it had begun just over a month ago, and it was a success. Students could learn more about the wizarding world from different corners of the world than they could have imagined. Hogwarts' faculty also took part in the program, exchanging letters with other faculty members from the other seven schools. No doubt, Dumbledore is pleased with the results. 

My pen pal, Calsif, is an exciting person. Obviously intelligent, kind, and formal. Our exchanges were primarily scholarly, relating to our various subjects. However, writing to the Beauxbatons student felt like how one of my study sessions with Severus went. Even when I wasn't with Snape or in classes, I was continuously learning, and it was thanks to Calsif. As much as I don't want to admit or even compare, his intellect might rival Severus's and maybe even beyond the Slytherin if I am frank. 

The thought of someone being more intelligent than Severus didn't sit right with me. For some reason, I found it somewhat offputting. I just couldn't explain it. 

Regardless I am content with my pen pal. I could have gotten unlucky with it. In this case, Severus didn't get as fortunate as me; if my memory serves me right, it was a witch, Henriette, from Castelobruxo, studying magizoology. He found her self-centered, infuriating, just to put it in lightly, he despises her. 

When she isn't talking about herself and everything in her world, she will bombard Severus with thousands of questions about himself. A lot of which felt somewhat invasive and not to mention some ahem... more private matters. 

The Castelbruxo witch was rather particular on seeing what Severus looked like, always asking him to send a photo. However, the way that she demands it's like she wanted him to send a Wizards' Weekly spread (Stars forbid her own personal Playwitch magazine of the Slytherin). 

The thought of it made me blush, but at the same time, I felt irritated. Not at Severus, of course...

Henriette did, though. 

Now, I've never seen the parchment sent to the ravenette, but he'd tell me about it or the gist of their exchange at most. Although I admit, I wish I personally knew the specifics of what they've said. This shouldn't bother me, though, because its Severus, and I know him, but Henriette was another story. Yet it did. 

I'm just overthinking about nothing. 

.˚ₓ

I recently noticed my surroundings, mainly how I saw people looking and pointing at me, whispering. How long has this been going on? Had this started since our first day back? That's well over a month ago, yet I'm just now noticing? Why hasn't anyone mentioned this to me? Maybe the whole pen pal program and schoolwork, activities, and time with Severus took up all of my focus to notice these things. 

Guess I should try to figure out what's gotten everyone's attention, especially if it has something to do with me. I mean, why would anyone, not to mention the entire student body of Hogwarts, be so focused on me? 

Who exactly can I ask, though? Obviously, I need someone reliable, not someone chock-full of gossip and fake news. Even though I'm sure whatever this situation with me being the main topic is nothing but hearsay and inaccurate accusations. 

The best place to start should be with my housemates and work my way from there. First, I'll check with Xenophilius, the eccentric yet firm believer of the unknown. Although I find him bizarre, I admire his openmindedness and how he tries to open others' minds. 

Xenophilius seems to be the quiet type. He can be when he isn't outspoken on matters he believed in, undoubtedly unafraid to be openly against the Ministry. One of the times I listened to one of his ramblings, he wanted to open his own newspaper. Lovegood had a name picked out already, The Quibbler. While I support his decision, most of his tangents were gossip and conspiracy theories. 

Who knows how well that'll go. People love hearing gossip and theories, though. 

Realistically, Xenophilius, in his unusual way, does make sense in his philosophy. No matter how improbable it sounds, anything can be real because it has yet to be proven. One of Xenophilius' beliefs includes the famous tale from Beedle the Bard, "The Tale of the Three Brothers." Most young witches and wizards were told as a bedtime story, a story of the Deathly Hallows. These were amongst, if not the most, sought after magical artifacts ever known. 

To put it to a muggle's perspective, the Deathly Hallows were the wizards and witches' holy grail, our ark of the covenant. The magical world's fabled relics carved by witches and wizards often ruined them due to their obsession and greed, wasting away their lives empty-handed. 

It was better this way, though. No being neither from the magical realm or muggle world should ever hold the Hallows in their possession, especially all three at once. Should the trinity ever be under one soul, then whoever had procured the trio becomes the Master of Death itself. 

This was a power no one should ever wield.

What do I believe? 

Well, the world had believed the Philosopher's Stone was mere fiction. Yet, Nicolas Flamel is a famed wizard and alchemist that Albus Dumbledore knows (knew?) personally. The headmaster of Hogwarts' supposedly aided the French caster in his life's work. 

So do I believe in the Deathly Hallows? I think my answer is clear. 

Despite my opinion, most of our mystical world find it merely a child's tale, a fool's quest even. For this, people find Lovegood senile and an easy target susceptible to pranks. Several Slytherins weren't too fond of the Ravenclaw male. Sometimes Xeno was just too vocal on his opinions without clear thought of who might be listening. 

Regardless, they have yet to actually take action against him, for now at least. I just hope it stays that way. They tend to back off when I was around, that much I knew for a fact. 

Not to mention, I noticed how closely Pandora Pyxis grew to Lovegood. It was adorable. They had undeniable chemistry, and it was clear as the day that they both harbored feelings for each other. All of us were in the same house and classes, but he never spoke to her. At least until he barraged in a meeting the Hogwarts Daily Oracle, shouting slander amongst other things showing his explicit distaste for the school paper. However, that's when he saw her, Pandora Pyxis. They started in an argument that led to a blossoming friendship where they were clearly fools in love. 

With that being said, they seemed to be my best bet, at least Pandora anyway. So I scourged the Ravenclaw tower until I found them lounging upstairs at the top of the building. Lying amongst their personal pile of throws and pillows in their own corner of the room. A piece of me felt a little bad for interrupting their time together. However, I need to know what is going on overshadows those feelings. 

"Hey, Xeno, Pandora!" I called out, giving them a small wave when they turned their attention to me. Pandora had a toothy smile on her face as she turned towards me, "Hello, (Y/N)." Xeno nodded towards me with a smile of his own though his dreamy state clearly showed his attention was elsewhere. "What are you two doing?" I sat down on the throw on the ground, folding both of my legs under me to one side just as Pandora sat.

"Xenophilius was just telling me more about the newspaper he wanted to open after we graduated."  _ The Quibbler _ . Xeno told me this multiple times on numerous occasions. Still, Pandora likely heard it just as much, but then again, she could listen to anything he'd say all day. 

"Yes, yes. I've also discussed with Pandora about the elusive Crumple-Horned Snorkack. I intend to find the creature." There was a crazed look in his eyes, one that clearly showed how determined he was of the future after Hogwarts. "Yes, he mentioned future expeditions to Sweden." Pandora gave a soft smile. "Enough about our ramblings. Was there something you needed?" The dirty-blonde knew that I wasn't here for a friendly conversation, much less Xenophilius's beliefs. I returned the smile, "Yes. I'm sorry to interrupt your time together. Still, I had to know if either one of you heard or noticed anything different, particularly involving...me?" 

"News involving you." Xenophilius hummed thoughtfully, propping his head on his arm. "Can't say that I have, if I did, more than likely I wouldn't listen to the lies and nonsense happening. Shouldn't always fall for their trickery." They? Who was he talking about? 

"Ahem." Pandora clears her throat, setting the focus onto herself. "Excuse, Xeno. Sadly, I don't think either one of us knows about it. The only thing I heard recently was some gossip over in Gryffindor, something about an engagement? Supposedly, anyway. Like what Xenophilius said, I wouldn't listen to them since I'm sure it's just another childish rumor conjured up by James and his friends." 

What she said did make complete sense. The band of Gryffindor males was associated with stirring up mischief and spreading rumors. Yet whatever this might be, it didn't feel like an ordinary Mauraders joke. 

"Yeah, you're both probably right. Those four are always getting into trouble." Pandora's smile was kind, but it was clearly a sympathetic one as she feels I am victim to another cruel, childish joke. Although she doesn't know the full truth of my predicament. 

I am engaged, but to whom was unknown. 

Indeed, my parents wouldn't let such 'important' news such as this out so openly, especially when they haven't told me. 

Guess I have to go and find out from the Gryffindors. If it came from there, maybe Lily heard it? Perhaps that's why she's avoiding me? Is it someone she dislikes? What if it was someone Lily actually liked?

Stars. 

How did I end up in this annoying, confusing mess? 

Sigh. 

.˚ₓ

By the time I decided to try and get some information, it seemed that the rumors really died down, although I'm sure it's still fresh in everyone's mind if it was brought up. 

Somehow I managed to slip into the Gryffindor Tower under a disguise of a false first-year student that the Gryffindor upperclassmen brushed aside an unfamiliar face dawned in their house colors. 

Being a metamorphmagus does have its perks. 

Definitely made sneaking in a lot more comfortable and more manageable. Other students would have to try their attempt at making the extensive, complicated Polyjuice potion. If you weren't either Lily, Severus, or myself, I think anyone attempting to make the brew might as well just call it quits. 

Not to mention polyjuice potion is a gamble on the tongue because its taste and appearance are based entirely on who you're trying to become temporarily. If you're a terrible person, then your polyjuice potion will more than likely be disgusting. 

This was like a glass of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans that I did not wish to drink. 

Gah... The thought had me shivering. 

At least my tastebuds don't have to endure an unpleasant experience considering I'm faking a first-year student. 

Changing my appearance was as easy as breathing. My normal appearance is noticeable a mile away; snow-white hair is a dead give away. So, I went with the first hair color that came to mind. Black. My natural eye color but much duller, almost lifeless. A pair of conjured glasses to hide behind, giving the mousy first-year look. Lastly, a simple spell transfiguring my Ravenclaw robes into a couple of Gryffindor ones.

Now the hard part was getting inside the tower itself. 

The location is already known to me when Lily and I walked each other to our houses. The Fat Lady's portrait. 

I'd have to mingle in with students going in and out. 

Stars guide me. 

After a breathy exhale, I clutched my sleeves as I made my way, cautiously minding the everchanging stairs. As I drew closer and closer to the end of the corridor, I could see students strangling in and out of the painting, which made me increased my speed. 

By the grace of Merlin's beard, I had made it inside before the painting swung shut. 

"Oi. You, you there, with the glasses, Mouse. Don't get your knickers in a twist, ye? Gonna get someone hurt." A random upperclassman repeatedly called as I did not pay attention the first time. My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I quickly nodded before shuffling away from him and his mates, having a laugh at me. 

Once I settled down, I got a good look over the tower, and it was very cozy. It felt like a library in manor with the hearth burning. Although this place could not even come close to how great Ravenclaw Tower is. 

"Focus, focus," I mutter to myself, reminding myself I was here for a reason. Although telling yourself something like this doesn't work often. 

So I idly just walked around the central room, browsing through any books lying about. Most of it was fiction, mythos, or comics, even a few class books. None of it really caught my eye, I settled on the unique stain glass puzzle fixture Gryffindor Tower has. After moving onto the brain teaser, a duo of Gryffindor girls sat behind me at the desk-shelf area where they took up space to gossip. 

Their conversation was mundane and annoying. The girls discussed muggle celebrities, zit-be-gone creams, a rumored face sculptor, and trash-talking classmates. Nearly ten minutes into their chat, I was ready to leave until dating, and crushes came up. 

"Alright, babes. Spill. Are you going to ask him to the dance?" As I decided to call her because she could not keep still, Shifty, one of the two girls, smirked at the other next to her. The dance that she was referring to was the Witches' Ball for Samhain, which in this ball it was a witch's choice. A witch is to ask out another wizard (or witch) to the dance.

'Oh shit. It's the Witches' Ball! I totally forgot.' I held my head in my hands, hiding my clear grimace. This was yet another new event Dumbledore introduced this year for students to enjoy. Man, I really haven't paid any attention outside of my own personal bubble. 

"I dunno! I want to... But isn't he engaged?" Shifty's friend I nicknamed as Rainbow due to the multiple little accessories she wore of varying colors. This was perhaps the info I've needed to hear. 

Shifty scoffs and rolls her eyes. "I doubt it! You really think he'd be engaged? Seriously? James engaged?" Rainbow shoved Shifty's shoulder. "Hey! Come on, I'm serious!" 

Shifty crossed her arms. "I am too! You really think he'd be engaged? Much less to Black? Don't listen to those rumors. (Y/N) doesn't deserve him, I'm sure she was the one who started that petty gossip. She comes from a family of those no-good, filthy Slytherins."

"Well... I suppose that's true. It's hard to believe Sirius is from the same family! There's no way those two are related." Rainbow started agreeing. 

"Anyway, I'm sure she's engaged to some ugly cousin of hers, so it wouldn't be a surprise if she made that rumor to hide her embarrassment. Those purebloods practice inbreeding, didn't you know? 'Keeping the bloodline pure.'" Shifty sneered. 

"Ew! Really? Wow, she totally made it up. The thought of that makes me wanna puke!" Rainbow shudders. 

If only they knew who was sitting right behind them. There was a part of me that wanted to pull out my wand and hex these girls. However, the other part of me wanted to curl up and cry, hearing these nasty remarks. Most of it was true, about my family, but me making up such a rumor? Complete rubbish. 

It didn't make it hurt any less, though. I struggled to keep my tears at bay, blinking them back as I sat there.

"Yeah, so just ask him to the Witches' Ball!" Shifty urged. 

"Okay, okay! I will! You should ask Sirius to the ball, too! It'll be a double date which we'd all be perfect because we're best friends, and they are best friends!" Rainbow gushes with flushed cheeks. 

Soon enough, their conversation went to what they'd wear to the ball, signaling it was time to go. 

.˚ₓ

Leaving the Gryffindor Tower was more accessible than getting in. Not like it matters anymore, considering I got the information I needed while also hearing what people think of me. Well, what two girls think of me. Their words shouldn't bother me, but they did. 

Every word echoed in my head like a broken record. 

It was vile, hearing their remarks about my family and me. Despite it, I agreed with them. My family disgusted me. It was a part of myself that I couldn't help but hate. 

The Blacks cared only about blood purity. Everything else didn't matter. Why should it? This was an ancient family with the motto of 'Toujours Pur.'

'Always Pure.' 

Yet, our blood is tainted, our family is cursed.

We look down on others because of something uncontrollable. Blood within our veins is centuries of hatred on half-bloods and muggles, jealousy, corruption, and simple selfishness. 

We might be the wealthiest family, we might be beautiful people, but it doesn't change how ugly our blood is. How terrible our personalities may be. Our birthright, when we are born, is an early death. 

Is that the price of our wealth, our beauty, our purity? To have it all, we must meet an early end? 

This was something that scares me. Most days, I often ignore it, but there are moments like these that it digs its way out of the depths of my mind, reminding me of what fate has in store for me. 

"It's not fair," I whisper quietly to no one in particular. A tear slips down my cheek as the floodgates finally broke. 

Quiet sobs filled the empty corridor like hushed whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again! I hope you guys enjoyed it.  
> Please be patient with me as I try my best to give you all something worth your time. Just haven't gotten as much of creative output for this or Yearning at the moment so it's been hard to write. I keep getting other ideas for different fics that I dunno if you guys would like to see, especially those who have been enjoying this and Yearning.  
> I'd love to hear some feedback from you all. I promise that I am not abandoning this or my other story, just they are coming out a lot slower than I anticipated due to creative struggles. Not to mention I am struggling with one of my online classes (Spanish) since I've only ever taken French which I found way easier. Plus in about a week I'll be turning 21! Just kind of a lot for me so please continue to be patient!
> 
> Thank you for your love, support, and patience. See you in the next updates!  
> (I intend to make the next chapter better at least I hope to!;;)


	12. Notice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive!  
> (n˘v˘•)¬

Hello guys as I stated in the little chapter note, I am alive!

I am sorry for anyone that was looking forward to updates especially for so long. (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)

Just since my last updates, I've been pretty stressed with school then I was feeling pretty uninspired plus I guess having a short attention span doesn't help. 

I'm just writing things at the moment and as I go. I do have some things planned out, but for the rest, I am filling in the gaps. 

Recently I've made the decision to rewrite Overthinker so I will be publishing it as a different work! (everything/majority of things will be the same)  
I do hope any of the readers of OT will like some of the writing. Part of me feels that the rewrite is slightly better than the current content. 

So, yeah. (๑•́ ₃ •̀๑)

I kept debating whether or not to make an announcement or just surprise everyone.  
Anyway, hope to see you guys on that! 

Hope everyone has been doing well  
Thank you! ₓ˚. ୭


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